Yesterday was a really hard day for me (and my whole family). I don't even really know where to begin. I was going to write about my time in Houston this past weekend and was still fumbling around with all my thoughts on the details of it and the good and the bad of it all. However, yesterday as I was on my way to bible study I got a phone call from my mom about my Aunt LaJuan. She had overdosed on a lot of painkillers mixed with alcohol in (an unsuccessful) attempt to take her life. It was a bit unnerving and scary and really emotional. It was so hard, because we didn't have many answers at the time. She was a in a coma and the communication with those that were with her was scarce.
She is awake now and doing okay (after lots of crazy tests, a pumped stomach, and other meds to reverse the affects, etc). That is a miracle and a blessing. I hope she sees it as such.
My uncle (my mom and my aunt lajuans brother) has cancer and isn't doing well at all. His wife also has cancer and is doing a little bit better (but not feeling well). They both started another round of chemo on Monday. They are both fighting for life, while someone doesn't want theirs.
It is such a raw thing for me. I have been where my aunt was...different circumstances, but the same hopeless feeling. I know how selfish it seems from this side of it, but from there, there is just no thinking like that. I want to love on her, but I am so far away and the relationship isn't there to really do that. It is so hard. I also knwo what it feels like to be on this side of that kind of hurt and it hurts. Questions like "how can she be so selfish" come to mind quickly. But like I said, I am no one to judge that decision or emotion...I can't.
My family is hurting. Lots of them. My aunt has a husband, 3 siblings, a mother, 3 daughters (2 son-in-laws) and 5 grandchildren...not to mention all of us others in her life (and affected by it). There are lots of raw emotions raging and hiding. Please pray for all of us. Thank the good Lord she was unsuccessful. The ramifications of it all would be endless if she would have been...The whole family just needs a load of prayer and lots of miracles.
3 comments:
Hey...glad she is out of the coma and seemingly OK for now. I know it is a hard thing to deal with..I've been in a similar situation with extended family as well. I'm here to talk, but I think you already know that :)
I know i dont have any room to talk, but this dark momement will pass, and hopefully you and your family will grow stronger. I will keep you and your loved ones in prayer.
I'm so sorry Courtney - I will be praying for your family. I'm glad she is doing better. Sorry for your pain. It is so hard when something like this happens to people you love.
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