I am sad. I don't have it all together, and I know this. I think it's just hard when others figure it out :)
No, really though, if I may be transparent (withholding details) for a moment...
I am a faithful believer in Jesus Christ. He has pulled me from the miry pits of depression, the chains of addiction, and the toilet-bowl cycle of many other sins...and yet, here I am...still a sinner. I have moments where I think others might be able to see Christ in me and then, I have moments where I look NOTHING like Him. I hate it when I realize I have been looking nothing like Him and realize I have SO much more room for growth in a particular area. I will be so thankful when I finally get to see Him and just say, "I AM SORRY, and thank you for loving me anyway, for choosing me anyway, for dying for me, for covering MY MILLIONS of sins with your blood."
Today I was reminded once again (dear Jesus, why can't I just learn this blasted lesson?!) that I should just keep my mouth closed. I guess you could say I missed that lesson and at 31 years old am still trying to learn it, as well as, teach it to my children (no wonder they haven't mastered it yet, the poor things have very bad DNA in this area).
I just wanted to also take a moment and apologize for my mouth both past and present, and I guess, for the future too. I seem to be opinionated and unfortunately sometimes I just forget to shut up. I am sorry if I have EVER hurt your feelings, left you with a bitter taste in your mouth about me (or anything), came across rude, or judgmental, or anything else that was un-Christlike in any way. I strive to be like Him, but darn it, I am still learning. I am not perfect, don't claim to be, but I try. But I do screw up more often than not. I hate it when I do. And I am deeply sorry if I have ever hurt you. Sincerely. I would love to make it right if it needs to be.
I struggle with keeping my mouth closed and with being judgmental of others. (amongst a host of other sins, for another post). Just being real. Thank you for those of you who choose (also) to love me through my ugly. (I think I'd like to coin that phrase: love me through my ugly)
2 comments:
Oh, Courtney, you are far from ugly. And I know you are loved by many, as well as Him. If all you do is open your mouth....just remember not to insert foot!
I don't mean me, I mean my heart, my actions, my thoughts....they are ugly sometimes. I wish it weren't true, but it is. I am working on it though, and He is working on me through them...
Post a Comment