Seeking Him

I have been meaning/wanting to write about the bible study that I have been in and just haven't done it. However, I was asked to speak tomorrow in front of all of the ladies at Tuesday Morning Bible Study--to give a brief devotion/explanation of our study and what the Lord has shown me...so here is what I plan to say...or atleast what I wrote tonight. (I am SO nervous) * If you don't get this from the "speech" below, I HIGHLY recommend this book even if you don't have a group to do it together with. It is awesome...

The women’s bible study that we have been doing for the past 8 weeks is called Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival (by Nancy Leigh DeMoss). When I signed up for fall bible study late this summer, I didn’t care what it was, what it was going to be about, who wrote it, or anything except that there was going to be childcare, and for 2 hours every week I could have adult conversation and not have to worry about my two babies. That was my attitude towards just about anything: I would “serve” anywhere or “be taught” just about anything as long as it meant I would be childfree for a few hours.

No, really I was in a pit. A valley. Darkness. Far from God. Far from everything I “knew” in my head was right. The scary part is that I still don’t know when I got there or even how. On the outside I could fake it with the best of them, at least in public anyway. However, in my heart of hearts and in my home with the three people I love most dearly in the world, and in my alone time with my thoughts, I was too far into the valley to even try to fake it. I was angry, bitter, cold, tired, lazy, full of emotion and emotionless all at the same time. I was lost in my heart because I had lost my first love.

So, like I said when I signed up for “Seeking Him” it didn’t dawn on me really that that was precisely what the Lord was screaming for me to be doing. As time drew closer for the study to begin, the Lord’s cries for my heart began sinking in. I knew where I stood and that it was far from where I should be. I knew that I was in a deep valley and I knew that I was ready to get out. I knew that seeking the Lord would be a good first step since He says in Jeremiah 29:

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Seeking Him with all of my heart is EXACTLY what I needed and began to truly desire to do. The neatest thing is months ago He laid this bible study on the heart’s of our Women’s Ministry team. Maybe it was also for someone else, and I hope that it is/was, but regardless, I KNOW that the Lord had Courtney Berg in mind when He allowed for this study to be here at Grace this fall. Our first memory verse of the book was Hosea 10:12 “…for it is time to seek the Lord…” and in deed, it was!

Throughout these past eight weeks, we have studied what personal revival means, how to get there, and then what to do with it. More specifically, we’ve covered deep personal issues including: humility, honesty, repentance, grace, holiness, and obedience. This study has asked the tough questions, tougher than any accountability partner ever has. I feel challenged in every area that we have covered in all aspects of my being: emotionally, physically, and of course, spiritually.

My steps out of the valley have been hard, but so worth it. I am so excited about this study. I am excited about the things that will come of it within me, within Women’s Ministry, within Grace and within the Kingdom Church that is inclusive of all believers. I know I have a long way to go and I plan to revisit each of these steps to revival until Heaven. It has been life changing for me. However, the greatest part of this study is that I think whether you are in a similar valley as I was, or whether you have it all together, this study will meet you where you are, wherever that is, and change you; to make you look more like the Image we were created in. I am far from a complete personal revival in its entirety, however, every week, I make progress. Sometimes it looks like one step forward, and two steps back, but I am seeking my Savior, my friend, My God. And He is bringing me back from the place where I was in “exile.”

I am very thankful that He says “my valley of exile” was where He carried me. He was watching over me and knew where I was physically, mentally, and spiritually. He was waiting for me to seek Him with my whole heart so He could bring me back, so I could be united with Him again…and have personal revival with Our Awesome Lord—and I’ll tell you…there is JOY in that!