Revealing Creighton's Place

Happy Birthday Creighton! (your official party)

I worked so dang long and hard on this cake. Definitely worth paying someone else to do it. They always turn out better anyway! But for my premier debut in princess cakes, I didn't do half bad...

She wore it for a little while, but I guess I didn't get a great picture of her...

This was her new princess toddler couch/rollout bed. She was very excited about that!

Grandma Debbie and Papa John also got her this cute little highchair for Emma which she loves and an Ariel Dvd.

The family...*(what is UP with my flat hair...I look weird)

And the GRANDFATHER of all 2 year old birthday party presents...I present to you Creighton's Place! (built by the loving hands of her Pop! (and grammy))

It's awesome. They love it, we've just not been able to play in it as much because of the rain since it's been finished! But it houses ALL of her dishes, food, kitchen essentials :) (out of the house since there are a million pieces!)

She is pretty happy with it! :)

And now I sound like I am three

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I had to just get it out.

My son, oh my son...this week has been really hard for us all. He has resisted sleep in all its forms every.single.day. I am so tired of fighting him. I don't know whether to give up, or get tougher. Tonight I think I might explode as he is STILL not asleep and it's been over an hour fight.

Creighton goes to bed SO easily right now and she takes naps. She isn't sleeping as late as I'd like her to in the morning, but I am hoping I may have helped solved the problem with putting up a black out thing in her room.

He is driving me nuts. Spankings, raising my voice, threats, loss of privileges, putting back and putting back and putting back...and STILL nothing...he is still getting out. Still crying. Still calling my name. I can't handle it! I want to scream and beat him, but I know it wouldn't do any good. He is SO tired he can't fall asleep. Without a nap and not getting home till so late just isn't working on Wednesdays.

But I don't know what to do. I can't bail out on my small group and Jeff obviously can't bail out on church...that's his job. And it's my commitment. I do have seniors and am seriously contemplating NOT leading a small group next year for the first time ever. It's just too hard on my kids. I love it though so much.

I hate it that we can't be consistent with our daily lives. Each day is different than the one before and that is hard on me. I am just wiped out and my body aches and hurts ALL over and I am exhausted and grumpy too.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and now I sound like I am three

7 Random things

I've been tagged (finally) to tell 7 Random Things about me...

1. I played an instrument in the Sydney Opera House (any guesses for which one?)

2. I have had 11 different surgeries since 1996

3. I held (not sure if I still hold) the record for most dips (a tricep workout) for all female athletes at TU my freshmen year (51).

4. I didn't lose my first tooth till I was almost 8 years old.

5. I really like cooking and baking, but not at all when anyone else is home!

6. I sleep (cannot sleep without) every night with a black SQUISH pillow that I call Squish and use the pronoun "he" and "him" for all the time. (weird I know)

7. I LOVE (geekily so) excel spreadsheets (and most administrative stuff)

Thanks Becky for tagging me. I tag Sarah, April, and Kathryn

Birthday Party 1--Two Birthday Girls

Creighton has the blessing and honor of sharing her birthday with my maternal grandmother! And my grandma came up to visit for their birthday weekend (from Texas). It was very fun to see her (and my aunt and cousin).The birthday girls--by their birthday cupcakes!

Creighton was SO excited about her princess shoes--all 4 pairs of them! She wears them daily...and would wear them out if I'd let her. Thankfully they are all about 6 sizes too big and so it isn't an option...but she is so funny prancing around in them.

My grandma got some nice (and all breakable) things from everyone.
Creighton got several outfits and accessories, some kitchen play things,
a well loved (a cheap consignment present) Ariel doll and chair, Belle tea party set (not shown), anda beloved Cinderella book *and fun times with my brother's cat Dexter One party down, a birthday day and another party to go!

The ugly egg on the forehead

Jackson was running around acting like a wild man (totally normal) and all the sudden the worst wail I've heard from him in a long time! It got even bigger than this...this was RIGHT after it happened (within 2 minutes). He was still crying although this picture doesn't make it seem like it. I should have taken a picture of the wall--where there is missing sheetrock and paint! We wrapped him up with an ice pack and sister decided she needed a bandage too! I thought they looked pretty cute.

She was cheesing (but oh so cute)

And then he fell fast asleep...I was worried he might have a concusion but thankfully he was alright...just tired. He fell asleep at like 7:45 and slept through the night (when I carried him to his bed, without waking) until 8:30 or so the next morning...

Thankfully now it has gone down dramatically, but still is pretty colorful and a little bit of a protrusion...enough for EVERYONE we see to ask about it....

First Class

A letter from my candidate of choice...

Cindy and I would like to take a moment to thank you for your loyal and steadfast support during the course of this campaign. Governor Palin, her husband Todd, our families, friends and campaign staff extend our deep appreciation for your tireless dedication, support and friendship.

It is the end of a long journey and your support through the ups and downs has meant more to us than you may ever know. Although we were disappointed with the results, we must move beyond this campaign and work together to get our country moving again.

It is our sincere hope that you will join us in putting our country first and continue to work to keep our nation safe, free and prosperous. We urge you to join us in not just congratulating Senator Obama, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together as a nation. Whatever our differences may be, we are all fellow Americans.

We are truly blessed to live in this great country and call ourselves Americans, and we will forever be her loyal servants.

Today, let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.

With warm gratitude,
Cindy and John McCain


I know that there is nothing more I can do at this point. America made its decision. My prayers go out to the Obama family and their need for our support, however much we may disagree, is great. We are all very blessed to live in this country.

Growing Up Creighton

Although it appears I have fallen off the face of the earth...I haven't! My husband has just fallen in love addiction to the maximum computer games, and I have been incredibly exhausted lately.

Creighton has been getting up at 5:30 almost daily. Most days I can get her to go back to sleep for about an hour or so, but some days not. Either way though, I am usually unable to fall back asleep. My body is in shock. For those of you who do this everyday and always have, I am deeply sorry. There is no part of me that wants that schedule, and believe me, if I could MAKE her sleep in later, I certainly would. It's just about to kill me. And her. She is so tired now. Her naps are about the same, and there are days where I can get her to bed a little earlier, but other days, specifically Wednesday nights, it is just impossible with our family's schedule. You'd think her little body would learn, but it isn't catching on too quickly that she DEFINITELY needs more rest, and so does her momma!

Speaking of little body...I mentioned in this post that I thought she'd probably gain 5 pounds when we went for her 2 year well-baby visit. Well boy was I ever wrong. I knew with her being sick on and off for a few days 2 weeks ago that she probably wouldn't gain as much since she couldn't keep anything in her, but man...the kid LOST weight again, even from her checkup when she was sick! I was shocked and a little worried, but doc didn't seem to be. She was 35 1/4 inches tall, and only weighed 25.3 pounds. She is like 80% almost in height and like 30% in weight! hmm... But otherwise healthy and doing great! :)

She is pretty much hilarious all the time. She loves to sing and read and does both constantly when she isn't just talking (and no one has to be listening)...although she often says : Mommeeeee, wisten me (and I crack up and then try to listen) :)

She "reads" a lot but mostly it comes out as: esus wuvs me is-eye-knowl-ee-byebull-ells-meso. (and yes, the last however many words come out all as one!)...it's pretty priceless. And it doesn't matter WHAT book she is reading or what picture is on the page, that is the message...I am okay with that! :)

I am on the "other" computer that has no pics in it, but I have some to upload on here from her birthday. It was a fun day! I still can't believe she is two, but she reminds me hourly with all the fits and tantrums she is throwing lately! My child...I love you so, but your opinionated, hard-headed, prideful, strong-willed little self, well...I hope you and I make it through the next 16 years relatively unscathed...:) But, I do really really love you.

Your favorite things right now: Ariel, Belle, princesses, cell phones, books (galore), puzzles, kitchen/tea party, and of course swinging and Emma (as always has been)

Your favorite things to eat: waffles, toast, peanut butter, salad (with nuts and craisins), mashed potatoes, and anything with ketchup (chicken, chicken pot pie)

You love to go to sleep (both nap and night) with a book, a cell phone and Emma & Ariel

You adore your big brother and get so excited to see him and play with him. You can hold your own with him pretty well.

You love to build with blocks and read to your babies. You also LOVE to color, draw and be creative.

You are as strong as any 5 year old and you are 2 by merely a few days. You believe you can do anything, and you constantly prove that to the world. You are a fighter, a strong woman, with a strong mind. You can do and be anything. I love you to the moon and back...

Money, Running, and Family

I don't have pics to post tonight, but it's been a whirlwind weekend...and lots of fun along the way!

Our garage sale went exceptional! We have a little bit of extra cash on hand, and a lot of extra space! We sold just about everything. I ended up keeping my Baby Bjorn, my bundleme, my Robeez (two boots, one slipper/shoe), and the I realized I forgot to sell my monitor! But other than that (and lots of clothes) we sold it all! It's weird, but good! I was sad about several things, but really, it's good.

Today is the last day my sweet little girl will be a 1 year old! I can't believe it. She is growing up so so quickly before my very eyes! She is talking better and more every day! She amazes me in so many ways. I just adore her!

Creighton was born on my Grandma's birthday (only grandparent I have left) and so that is very exciting because she (and my aunt and 2nd cousin) came up this weekend to celebrate. We didn't get to spend nearly enough time with them, although my mom and dad did, so that is good. We celebrated with homemade gumbo and cupcakes at my mom's on Saturday and then saw them briefly today again! I'll post some pics later.

I ran another 5K this weekend, although I said I'd never run in another one. I was exhausted before I started and hadn't eaten anything but a banana all day (because of the garage sale) and was sleep deprived and nutritionally deprived because the last decent meal I had was Wednesday night at that point. But all in all, I was proud of myself for completing it. I finished 25th among women (not sure how many total) and 7th in my age group. I really wanted to beat my time, but I didn't. I was 30 seconds slower. 31:35 was my clocked time. But this time it was harder because I didn't have anyone running near me...and my knees gave out on me again. I could have probably run the whole thing endurance wise, but I had to walk some so my knee would ease the fire breathing dragon pain. Becke said it was because I was getting old...:(

Anyway, it's been a fun and wild weekend. I am exhausted and am only up because I am making cupcakes for Creighton's class tomorrow! Oh, they are going to be so good!

Can you believe my baby is going to be TWO YEARS OLD in a few hours!? man oh man! She is a riot! Watch out world!

Garage Sale!

Hi all! Just wanted to let you know we are having a HUGE garage sale tomorrow. It has EVERYTHING baby and earlychild from shoes and clothes to toys and accessories, as well as a really great and nice white crib and matching dresser, high chair, and 3 strollers.

We also have a table/chair set, bikes, large toys, movies, books. Lots of bedding stuff (twin, queen, and king)

Lots and LOTS of CLOTHING from newborn (not as much) to 4T (a ton of 12m-2T girl) (2T and 3T boy) and Maternity clothes.

It is Friday/Saturday 8a-1p. If you are in the Bartlesville area (or feel like driving) please stop by! If you don't know where I live, please leave a comment with a way to contact you and I will give you the exact address/directions! Thanks!

Now, I am exhausted and we aren't really READY for people yet! AHHHHH

Redistribution of Wealth...

I thought this was great...

Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." I laughed.
Once in the restaurant I noticed that my server had on a "Obama 08" tie. I chuckled to myself, thinking "Interesting that the last two people I've seen were advertising for Obama."
When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama 'redistribution of wealth' concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need -- the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.
I went outside, gave the homeless guy $5 and told him to thank the server inside, saying "I've decided you could use the money more." The homeless guy was grateful.
At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn, even though the actual recipient needed the money more. I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

Buttons :)

This morning Creighton and I were talking and playing and she (after 20 minutes) asked to "joon" but I told her no. Then she cried. It was sad, but the funny part happened afterwards when I was trying to tell her the correct anatomy terms. I pointed to her chest and asked what "they" were called and she said, "ohd, dose my buttons!" I about peed myself laughing. (we had just gone over that they were called breasts) With her naked (but diapered) little toddler self, I could see where she might get confused :) It was hilarious!

You Were Made For Me by Taylor Thompson

One of Jeff and I's favorite youth is in Ohio in school. He is incredibly talented musically (and in other ways too). He wrote Jeff and I a song, or more likely, a song about our relationship...what he sees. It is called You Were Made for Me. I love it...

His music is relaxing and his voice is smooth. This is just a demo cut of this song, but I really really like a lot of his other songs (lyrically and musically probably even more than this one) even though this one will always be my favorite! :)

Congrats Taylor and thanks! You're great!

okay, well i can't figure out how to put it on here yet but i will and i'll try soon:)

Obama and the Law

Politics make me sick to my stomach on just about every level. Each year I learn more, and each year I hate it more....and more. This year is different. I need a new word for it. Disgust. Loathe. Detest. All of them plus more come to mind.

My inbox has been flooded with forwards and blogs have been flooded with left-wing and right-wing swings and those in between. I cannot wait for this madness to be over with. The amount of waste and complete lack of stewardship of everyone's money is out of hand. 240 million dollars in 2 weeks, and yet our country is in debt in the trillions, we have people who don't have money to pay their heating bills, people who are literally begging for food, countries begging for food? Obama says he thinks "when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody" but what about HIS wealth? Or McCains, too.

I don't LOVE either candidate. However, I do have some HUGE concerns about Barak Obama. This one being a big one!

Obama and the Law, by Thomas Sowell, Tuesday October, 28, 2008

One of the biggest and most long-lasting "change" to expect if Barack Obama becomes President of the United States is in the kinds of federal judges he appoints. These include Supreme Court justices, as well as other federal justices all across the country, all of whom will have lifetime tenure.

Senator Obama has stated very clearly what kinds of Supreme Court justices he wants-- those with "the empathy to understand what it's like to be poor, or African-American, or gay, or disabled, or old."

Like so many things that Obama says, it may sound nice if you don't stop and think-- and chilling if you do stop and think. Do we really want judges who decide cases based on who you are, rather than on the facts and the law?

If the case involves a white man versus a black woman, should the judge decide that case differently than if both litigants are of the same race or sex?

The kind of criteria that Barack Obama promotes could have gotten three young men at Duke University sent to prison for a crime that neither they nor anybody else committed.

Didn't we spend decades in America, and centuries in Western civilization, trying to get away from the idea that who you are determines what your legal rights are?

What kind of judges are we talking about?

A classic example is federal Judge H. Lee Sarokin, who could have bankrupted a small New Jersey town because they decided to stop putting up with belligerent homeless men who kept disrupting their local public library. Judge Sarokin's rulings threatened the town with heavy damage awards, and the town settled the case by paying $150,000 to the leading disrupter of its public library.

After Bill Clinton became president, he elevated Judge Sarokin from the district court to the Circuit Court of Appeals. Would President Barack Obama elevate him-- or others like him-- to the Supreme Court? Judge Sarokin certainly fits Obama's job description for a Supreme Court justice.

A court case should not depend on who you are and who the judge is. We are supposed to be a country with "the rule of law and not of men." Like all human beings, Americans haven't always lived up to our ideals. But Obama is proposing the explicit repudiation of that ideal itself.

That is certainly "change," but is it one that most Americans believe in? Or is it something that we may end up with anyway, just because too many voters cannot be bothered to look beyond rhetoric and style?

We can vote a president out of office at the next election if we don't like him. But we can never vote out the federal judges he appoints in courts across the country, including justices of the Supreme Court.

The kind of judges that Barack Obama wants to appoint can still be siding with criminals or terrorists during the lifetime of your children and grandchildren.

The Constitution of the United States will not mean much if judges carry out Obama's vision of the Constitution as "a living document"-- that is, something that judges should feel free to change by "interpretation" to favor particular individuals, groups or causes.

We have already seen where that leads with the 2005 Kelo Supreme Court decision that allows local politicians to take people's homes or businesses and transfer that property to others. Almost invariably, these are the homes of working class people and small neighborhood businesses that are confiscated under the government's power of eminent domain. And almost invariably they are transferred to developers who will build shopping malls, hotels or other businesses that will bring in more tax revenue.

The Constitution protected private property, precisely in order to prevent such abuses of political power, leaving a small exception when property is taken for "public use," such as the government's building a reservoir or a highway.

But just by expanding "public use" to mean "public purpose"-- which can be anything-- the Supreme Court opened the floodgates.

That's not "a living Constitution." That's a dying Constitution-- and an Obama presidency can kill it off.

Middle of the night

I never really sleep well when Jeff is out of town, and well, he left (with Jackson) on Friday. It's just been Creighton and I. We've had a great time together, but she is definitely more of my high maintenance child AND she wakes up at the crack of dawn and hardly slows down for the remainder of it.

Tonight I just feel awful. I woke up at 2a thinking I was going to be sick. Thankfully I wasn't, but I just feel like I did when I was pregnant with Jackson. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT. But I just haven't felt nausea like this in a long time. It is no fun.

When I went to check on her before I went to bed, she was asleep (VERY SOUNDLY) on her floor next to her bed face in the carpet. I have no idea if she was just there, or if she fell off and just ker-plunked there on the floor and never moved.

I got worried just now though when she woke up screaming. The very last thing in the world I wanted to do was to move... But I went to check anyway, and she was fine. She probably just startled herself or something, because I held her for less than a minute and she was out again.

But now I am FULLY awake, because really I never had gone back to sleep at 2. I was contemplating the entire time who I was going to call to come over in the middle of the night to take care of me/her because I felt so incredibly sick. But now I am feeling better (weird) but can't go to sleep. Wonderful.

I suspect she'll be up at 7 on the dot (or earlier) and I might have to crawl out of bed and pretend to be cheerful! Oh well...missing my hubby. And my boy.

Cute Kids

Tinkerbell and Captain Hook...no need for more words

High School Musical III

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Precious Brotherly Love

Tonight as I was putting the kids in bed, Jackson went back over to Creighton and gave her lots of kisses and then crawled up on her bed and was very close to her face and said "iwf you git scwaaard frum da mundsters jus come an git me anwd I will git dum fowr you so you nod be scwaard, otay?" (*if you get scared from the monsters, just come and get me and I will get them for you so you [will] not be scared, okay?)

Really, melt my heart. I LOVE it.

He is so sweet to her most of the time anyway

Pee in the bed

Jackson has been accident free for so long both day and night. However, I have found that one downside to taking away the binky is that he sleeps so hard he doesn't remember to go to bathroom. He wet his bed sometime last night and then got in bed with me this morning. I didn't notice till he was up for breakfast! Ugh. Oh well.

Any advice on getting pee out of mattresses?

Final Update

Things are getting better. The kids are doing better. Jackson is doing amazing now (much better) at going to sleep...and then once he is asleep he is sleeping much more soundly, and of course, he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore either looking for his binky. He asked for it last night, but did okay with the answer. Then today at school (first time back since he gave it up) he told his teachers. We'll see how he does at nap time there. He sometimes struggles there (even with the binky) because they take naps so much earlier than we do at home. But, he got up early this morning so I am hoping for a nap!

Creighton is such a champ at going to bed in her big girl bed. She stays in there pretty well for the most part and sleeps really soundly too. She isn't getting up in the middle of the night and my 6:30 little alarm clock is moving back later each day, but now that it's later she isn't wanting to go back to sleep. So we are adjusting our schedule a bit to get up early with her which is NO fun! But that is okay. Hopefully she'll realize to be a Berg, it requires more sleep! :)

I have been getting more rest now too which is fantastic. That is the good news...bad news is my headaches still aren't going away...so we'll have to see about that. But otherwise, it's looking up and we are getting through this and, all in all, it wasn't so much of a hell week, like I had planned/imagined it being.

Oh yeah, and the cabbage leaves, the Tylenol and of course TIME, all helped tremendously...I am not even pumping anymore and the pain is virtually gone...Praise the Good Lord!!

Update for Today and Yesterday

I didn't post yesterday about our day, because it was a little rough. Today, however, has been worse. Creighton I believe, as of this evening, has come down with a virus. Great! These are the times when nursing comes in the MOST handy. And now I can't. Or, well, I could, but I am not. I still have plenty of milk in me, although my supply has certainly slowed down.

We went to a friend's surprise party tonight and as we were leaving (of course once I had her strapped in her seat!) she starts profusely vomiting all over herself, her car seat, her costume (we were on the way to the Kiddie Park for the Halloween weekend thing), and it was gross. Since she has gotten sick 2 more times. It's the weirdest thing. Right before she pukes she pinks up in her cheeks and acts a little tired and then she gets sick. Then immediately...as in before we even can get her cleaned up, she is jumping up and down and dancing and singing and acts like NOTHING just happened. It's crazy!

Anyway, I am feeling way low and have been since yesterday. Yesterday morning was THE hardest because I couldn't get her to calm down and all she wanted to do was nurse. She was very very sad and so was I. I was leaking all over the place from being full, her cries, and just really wanting to give in. But I didn't. Eventually I got her to sleep. She did pretty good the rest of the day yesterday without asking much, except for the time when I stupidly decided we all needed to shower and...well, lets just say that was a poor decision on my part for her to SEE them. But, she was fine quickly and went to bed that night great!

She was acting distant and sort of "loner-ish" all day yesterday and today and incredibly cranky. I am thinking now that maybe it was that virus, but because of it I was feeling horrible and second-guessing EVERYthing. It's so hard. I wish I had all the answers. I also wish my little girl wasn't sick. I wish I was still nursing her to comfort her and give her nourishment.

I broke down and gave her a bottle of breastmilk this evening. She took several long sips and then didn't really worry about it much. Which is fine because i don't want her attached to a bottle, but I know that it is great stuff for antivirus stuff for her. She won't take it in a sippy at all or a real cup. Don't know why, but I remember Jackson never would either. They are bottle and boob for breastmilk only!

Jackson is doing remarkably well at night now, but is not napping well at all. It seems to be an every other day nap now. Jeff said he played nicely and quietly in his room today though, so that is good I guess. Yesterday he ended up taking a nap in my bed with me though. He couldn't go down on his own. We'll see what happens with that end.

I know that several months ago when I was considering weaning Creighton, Maria said some stuff about the hormones and depression and stuff that sometimes accompanies that. So, when I was all worked up BEFORE I even started this time I got those meds and I haven't "needed" them all week. Today, I am reconsidering. Haven't yet, but curious if it'd get me out of this funk I am in. I just feel awful and sad and very discouraged in my decisions and very guilty-like. No fun. Oh well.

My good friend Becky is in town and I got to hug her neck tonight and tomorrow I'll get to hang with her for a few hours and that will be great. So I am excited about that. Also, my parents return from a 3 week vacation tomorrow...so that is good news too. Trying to find the good things to look forward to. That always helps!

Weaning of comforts (Day 3)

Well, let's see...

Yesterday, the both took really great naps (after it took a little while to fall asleep). After nap, Creighton didn't even ask to nurse! That is a HUGE milestone for her because after nap is usually a really big deal for her. Jeff claims that is the worst time for him always when I am not here and she would wake up. So, I thought that was great.

We played hard for awhile and then she just ran over to me and gave my legs a HUGE hug and then wanted me to hold her. I held her and kissed and she seemed fine with that. I didn't take into consideration that for 2 years I was holding her for about 20 minutes 6-10 times a day. So, I am making a concerted effort to just hold her several times a day. It seems to help her and me too, if I am honest! ;) I am still sad and emotions are high, but we are both doing great...her way more than me, but BOTH of us so much better than I ever anticipated.


I had the opportunity to serve at Apples of Gold last night and so they were with Jeff through the evening and to bedtime. He said she ate like he's never seen her eat before for dinner and was really good at going to bed for him, although she did ask for a bottle. She has been falling asleep in very hilarious ways these days now that she is in her big girl bed. She still likes to turn her light on and off. Usually when we check on her, her light is on and she has things in her bed or is in a random spot in her room. I have a few on camera :)

Here is how we found her last night:



and a close up! (with her light on of course...maybe it was too bright)... we got such a laugh
This was how we found her the other day! She had put a pair of panties on over her PJs and then passed out in our special chair that is now removed from her room! (this was the first night)

Anyway, Jackson still took a while to go to sleep last night for Jeff, but I think till he figures out HOW to fall asleep again with sucking, it will be like this, except for those times where he is so tired he passes out quickly. But really, he is doing well too!

This morning Creighton woke up at 6:30 and wanted to nurse but I told her no and held her and kissed her and told her how much I loved her. She really wanted me to hold her like I did when I nursed her, and so I did. She fell asleep within 20 seconds I think. I savored some time with her and then laid her down. She never made a sound. She got up at 8:30 and I am not sure if she asked to nurse or not. But she has asked a few times today, but I have been able to give her a drink or snack and she's fine. She is eating SO much food these days though it is unreal. I won't be surprised if she gains like 5 pounds before her birthday...when you only weigh 26 pounds, 5 is a lot!


I am doing okay. Emotions are better. I bought some cabbage last night and wished I would have done this earlier in the process. It helps tremendously. I also am taking lots of Tylenol and putting ice packs on when I can. I have found that ice/cold helps more than heat for the time being. I pumped last night and then this morning, even though I was hurting I waited till after lunch to pump again. It feels much better now that I have pumped. I have some leaves on and am going to lay down because I am just feeling exhausted.


Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers this week. You are all so sweet! I really am doing well and so much (SO MUCH) better than I thought. I haven't taken the OB meds at all and am feeling pretty good on that end. I think I just really am so scared of change, even when I know it will be good for me. I was so worked up over it all, but we are all surviving just fine. I think that each day gets better and easier. Although, I really miss nursing her and sometimes wonder if I quit too soon. Can't go back now. 'Tis bittersweet.

So far...Day 2

Last night went astonishingly well! After I posted I went to bed (well about an hour later). I didn't sleep incredibly well, but I did get some rest. Creighton woke up about 6:30 and was very upset I wouldn't nurse her, but I held her and kissed her and talked to her and sang to her in her bed for about 10 minutes until she calmed down and then I laid with her for about 5. I left the room and she cried for about 2 minutes and went back to sleep till close to 9. A miracle! She of course has asked through the morning and day today and again at nap time was pretty upset, but so far she is staying in her room with the lights off and is somewhat quiet. At one point this morning though she told me, "Mommy I don't like you!" about 6 times in a row and I thought my heart might literally break in two. But then about 20 minutes later she told me she loved me and all was well in her world again... ...oh yeah, and she is now sleeping in her big girl bed and very happy about it...she hasn't even looked at her crib. So funny. I just checked on her and she is out! YEAHHHHHHHHH

Jackson slept through the night and didn't wake up once (at least didn't get up) until 8:30ish. He was fine this morning. Today before nap he said he'd like to be a baby again so he could have his binkies back. I told him they were gone forever and he was pretty sad. He isn't in his bed and his lights are on, but he is playing quietly in his room, so I can handle that... ...well I am fighting him now to stay in his room, and I am not quite okay with that. It's like he physically does not know how to fall asleep without it. I feel so bad for him.

My chest hurts tremendously, as it has now been 32 hours since the last time I nursed her. I have an ice pack I am about to use and also going to take the Tylenol. I haven't taken any of the drugs the OB gave me for my emotional well-being, so that is something I am glad. I still have them for back up in case something goes wrong or my hormones go nuts.

I am pumping when I can't stand it, but I try to only get a little bit out and then stop. So far I have only pumped 3 times. But going from nursing 6 times a day to none cold turkey, well I guess there will be a little time for that.

This morning was so hard in her room. I knew that I could temporarily "fix" both of our problems by just nursing her. My chest was hurting and engorged and my emotions almost got the best of me. I comforted her in other ways and still spent about the same amount of time with her. It was a sweet time and she was so cute. While I was laying beside her she kept reaching over (about every 10 seconds) to make sure I was still there. I removed the big recliner from her room because that was our "special" place every time we'd nurse. I can't hold her like a baby, but I have to keep her up on my shoulder and I have to be careful how I lay with her (because sometimes we'd lay in bed and nurse). Anyway, this morning was heart wrenching and I was very glad to cuddle up next to Jeff and have him hold me till I finally fell back asleep...

I am tired and hurting but am feeling all the more that this was good timing and the right thing! Whew

Day 1...

Well, its 10:50 and I am tired from the emotional and long day. But I think (emphasis on the think) that both of my children are finally asleep. At least for the time being.

Creighton did SO much better than I expected today. I picked them up from school and Jeff came with me. (he was a really great husband and came home to spend some time comforting me). Anyway, we talked to both of them about getting rid of binky and stopping nursing. Then we told them that in exchange (trade) for that we could pick out prizes at Walmart.

So that is where we headed. Creighton got a princess thing with crown, shoes, top, skirt, and purse of Cinderella and a Belle phone. Jackson got (much to my dismay) two guns and two swords (his prizes were significantly less expensive than Creighton's and he was being so sweet as to think of Daddy while he was picking out his..."one for me and one for Daddy".

Anyway, as soon as we got home we had to head straight to the YMCA because I had a private volleyball lesson. Then I had class (step) and then I had my 90 Day Fitness Challenge meeting with my team. So we didn't get home till 7:45 and I hadn't even started dinner.

I made dinner and we all ate. I think they ate well and I certainly did...I was starving. Then, we took baths. We were getting ready for bed and I think I read more books tonight in procrastination than ever before just because I was dreading it so much.

I had to tell Creighton no to nursing a lot in Walmart, but then I was away from her all evening really (and 5 hours this morning at school). So I knew since we hadn't nursed ALL day it would be hard for her tonight. She cried a lot. But I stood my ground. I stood outside her door and welled up with tears as she was screaming, but within 6 minutes she was asleep (or at least quiet).

The true test with her will be in the middle of the night. She is also sleeping in her big girl bed and not the crib tonight too....oh man! She so far has been a champ.

Jackson, well that was another story. I figured his would be harder because he is so much attached to it AS he sleeps as opposed to before he sleeps (nursing). So we had lots and lots of getting out of bed and pleading with him to stay in bed. He is procrastinating going to sleep with books and flashlight scavenger hunts (I am sure to see if I missed any binkies...I must say he is one sharp kid and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I go in and check on him with a binky I missed somehow). I THINK he is asleep, he is at least in his room for now and hopefully in bed resting.

Before bed we rounded up all the binkies and put them on the counter. One by one he kissed them and waved bye bye to them and put them in the sack (to give to the new babies at the hospital). It was quite the cute little ceremonial goodbye. I wish it had been just that...but oh well. So far, not too bad.

My chest feels like it might explode and reminds me constantly that I am no longer a nursing mother. It makes me sad, but I also know it is good. It is hard, but right.

I think this is teaching me a lot and stretching me at the same time it is my kids! My poor husband has been a trooper so far. I know this is far from water under the bridge, but thank you all for your love, encouragement, support and most importantly prayers. I know you are praying I can feel it. I love that! God is so good to me to bless me with people like all of you! Thank you.

Here is to a restful (fingers crossed) good night's sleep for all! :)

Tears, Fears, and Changes

I would like to ask for your prayer for our family this week, and possibly the few to come. I came to grips with the reality that my kids are growing up and are truly NOT babies anymore. I am tired. I am tired of nursing Creighton in the middle of the night and early in the morning and before nap and after nap and then telling her no constantly throughout the day. I am tired of trying to find Jackson's binky in the middle of the night, or constantly telling him to put it up when he goes to get it in the middle of day.

So, we are done. Starting today. With all of it. No more binky. No more breastfeeding.

I prayed all morning from 6am-8am about it. I told Creighton we weren't nursing this morning at 8:30 and then I got them ready for school, dropped them off...

and...

hit...

rock....

bottom...

I cried for 2 hours straight. Balled like a baby. As my eyes are welling up with tears as I type. I am scared to death. I am fearful. I am worried. I am tired. I am emotional. I am exhausted. I am just sort of freaking out on all levels.

I went to the doctor and got some meds just in case I have a mental breakdown. I talked to my OBGYN and Creighton's pediatrician. I called my dad (in Canada for 80 cents a minute). Then, I calmed down. At least a little.

I haven't a clue what this week is going to look like. I am very very fearful and anxious. But when I pick up the kids in 20 minutes, I am hoping they won't sense it. Creighton will want to nurse and I of course will probably want to nurse her. Jackson will be okay till tonight when he won't have his binky for the first time IN.HIS.LIFE (over 3 years people!). And then, yeah, Creighton, well, oh Lord, just pray for us all....

My heart is so sad. My emotions are raw. I feel like I need to do this but at the same time I am not sure I am ready and I don't think Creighton will ever be ready. The doctor (and my mom) assure me she will not be emotionally harmed for life, but something in me isn't so sure. I think that is the hardest part for me. Well, that and letting go of her babyness...my last baby. No more nursing, no more crib, no more baby.

Jeff reminded me that all I've wanted for the last 3 years is for my babies to grow up. Why did I think this? What is wrong with me? For all the times I wanted to rush it all away, and all the times I said this "isn't passing fast enough", it has. It's all passed way too fast. I miss them as babies already.

Oh my goodness what on earth am I doing? The worst thing I know would be to go through with this and then give up midweek. Am I traumatizing them? or just me? I can handle a week or so of hell if they are both okay afterwards.

But I am taking away the very things that comfort them most (at least tangible things). I feel awful. I feel sick. I have no idea if this is right...

Sprouts and Discipleship

Last night I was already tired, but we had invited some youth over. They were suppose to come at 9, but didn't arrive till almost 10. I was sad about the timing, but glad we got to spend some good time with them. It was fun. Two of them left at 12:30 and then I had some really sweet conversation with another one until 1 or so.

After she left Creighton woke up saying her leg was hurting, but thankfully she went back to sleep by around 1:30. I am not really sure what was wrong with her. She seemed fine this morning.

We got a phone call from another youth about that time though and they (he and Jeff) talked till 2 or later. I was SO tired. I slept soundly from 2-6 and then Jackson came in because he couldn't find his binky. Then at 7 Creighton came in and wanted to nurse, then I took her back to her bed. Then Jackson was up at some time after that but Jeff got up with him and put on a movie I guess (I don't really remember any of that). Then Jeff's alarm went off at 8:30. It was a crazy night/morning, but oh well.

I got up and got showered and dressed and ready for church but when I realized we were going to be a little late to Sunday School, I decided to skip it and pick up the house (even though I was dressed for church). I felt very good about myself this morning! :)

We got to church on time, with both kids dressed and relaxed instead of RUSHED out the door, and they both had breakfast at home instead of in the car or in the classroom. I met up with the two girls that were over last night (for the first time ever) and the three of us went to church. It was a a sweet time because it was just us three getting to be there together. It was also the Sunday for the Lord's Supper and so I got up to go and asked them to join me. We got to do that together and then I prayed and I loved that time. Normally I do that with my family or Jeff and I love that, but today was unique and good. My time with the Lord was sweet during worship and I loved that they got to be there with me. I love these two girls dearly and pray for them a lot.

I don't think it was a coincident that the sermon today was over Personal Discipleship. It is my desire with these girls and has been for a long time, but obviously has to be a two-way thing. We're making progress, but only time will tell. I know seeds have been planted, and I see little sprouts along the way. :)

Most of all, I hope they know I love them and care for them so much! Our pastor's challenge was to pray about who to disciple in 2009. I really hope that their hearts are pricked and ripe and hungry, because I really want to be a part of their spiritual growth and development. Even if it is only one of them...or maybe someone else even.

I suppose another huge desire would be for someone to walk alongside me. Maybe someone else got the message today for me, now that is just as exciting.

Kitchen Fire Safety

Since I didn't just "know what to do" when it came to the burn on Creighton's arm earlier this fall, I decided when I got this email that I should share this just in case you didn't already know this--could save some one's life. I knew not to put water on it, but certainly didn't know WHAT I should do! So, here ya go...

Picture Challenge**

This was completely random over at OwlHaven, but I thought, why not?! So you are suppose to go to your picture folder, then to the sixth folder, and inside the sixth folder, post the sixth picture. That is this one! My kids are CONSTANTLY going into my closet and playing, hiding, destroying, etc. You get to see how messy my closet was. It is a lot better now, but man...they don't care. I think they prefer it messy...more to get into and wrinkle and destroy :/ Can you see Jackson's sword on the shelf? Wow. I don't think I have ever really looked at this picture! :)

** edited to add...I just saw that Jackson is in this picture. if you click on it to make it big you can see Creighton is sitting ON him :)

Bedrooms and Changes...

Over the last 4 or 5 days we have rearranged our house! I don't have pics yet because it still isn't exactly the way I want it. But I have worked a little everyday to help the process.

We had our guest room bed set in our sun room with a little "mini' room in the corner and then the rest of the entertainment center and games on the other half. Well, now the sun room is our playroom. There are still many decisions and moves that need made, but there is no longer a "bedroom" in there at all. It has been so nice having a majority of the toys in there! Whew...

The big queen bed that was in there is now in Jackson's room as his big boy bed! He loves it. He looks so little in it though. His twin bed was just right, and with it being on the floor (box springs) without a frame, it looked little and right. Now he has a huge queen bed with a headboard and on a frame and it is quite funny! I like his new bed set but don't love it. I'd love it if it weren't too small for the bed. I like comforters that are over sized so they completely cover the bed. It doesn't help that we don't have a bed skirt for it yet... His room is so grown up now!

Creighton's room now has the twin and box springs on the floor AND her crib in it. (as well as the big lazy boy I nurse her in, a huge armoire, and two bookshelves). So needless to say her room is PACKED to the brim with big items. She was so excited about her big girl bed as we were putting it all together. I must say it does look very big girlish and cute! However, she wants NOTHING to do with sleeping in it. She'll play in it all day long, but when it comes time for sleeping, no way! She's funny.

Up until tonight she was crawling IN her crib, but had never crawled OUT. Tonight that changed. She crawled out and opened the door. She was VERY proud of herself. So she might be sleeping in that big bed before she knows it! The funny thing is now we moved her crib against the wall with the light switch on it. She LOVES turning lights on and off, but because she is so small, she rarely gets to do this. Now that she can reach it from her crib, that is THE FIRST thing she does as soon as she wakes up. It is nice because she doesn't wake up crabby anymore. She doesn't even really cry, she just turns on her light and plays in her crib. Which is really really great!!!! However, the downside is, now she turns it on BEFORE she goes to sleep and wants to play instead of sleep. But tonight, after she crawled out I thought it was going to be a long night of getting her to stay in her room, but I told her she'd get a spanking if she came out of her room again. She never came out, but when I went to check on her, she was passed out in her crib with a purse full of books still on her shoulder with the lights ON. Oh man...the days ahead might prove to be crazy, but I bet hilarious at the same time. She keeps us on our toes that is for sure!!!

I am not sure I am ready for her to be 2 in less than a month! That is just crazy...

New glasses

I got new glasses! I got them from Zenni Optical and I love them. I would highly recommend using them. I was a wee bit skeptical about ordering glasses online, but if you have a prescription (*you'll need your pupillary distance measured also) then you are good to go! It was easy and incredibly cheaper than buying them in the store. Of course you don't get to see them on you till they are in (and it's too late if you don't like them) but for me it was worth the risk. I paid $52 total for: frames, prescription lenses (1.67 (high quality lenses)), anti-glare, anti-scratch, case, cleaning rag, shipping and tax. I was quite impressed. Just ignore the picture of me without makeup, and look at the glasses. They are a bit different than my others, but I really like them a lot.