Wednesday, March 23, 2011


My baby girl LOVES HORSES! everything about them, but specifically being ON one. By herself. With no help.

 She wouldn't even let me ride (who also LOVES to ride) and she wouldn't even let me walk near her.
 She's 4~ and she doesn't live on a farm, and she's only ever been on a horse once before this with someone on it with her.
 My friend Kathryn has 3 girls, and her youngest just turned 4 and asked us to come.  When I found out it was a horse (technically a Green Horse) party then I knew it'd be worth my time to make it happen for us to be there.  I am so glad I ended up only bringing Creighton though.
She had a blast but needs to learn a few manners because she didn't want to share, didn't want to eat, didn't want to watch presents, didn't want cake and ice cream...nothing. Except to ride.  Well there were about 20 other kids there and only 3 saddled horses.  You do the math.

I had to pull her off crying with promises to come back.  I think my daughter will be a horse lover for life.  Enough so that she might just marry herself a cowboy :) I kinda love it because secretly I LOVE horses too and would love to just ride away on one. :)

Jackson's School Pics!

I am so glad that I immediately scanned this because when I came back in a little afterwards, Creighton had scribbled ALL OVER the picture.  I was very mad. She got very much in trouble. But I love the way they did this.  And you can see he's the tallest in his class by a few inches :) He's so cute!  (And I love that there are names on everything)

 My sweet Pre-Ker!!!! I love you John Jackson

Monday, March 21, 2011

So many reasons for joy today

Creighton pulled two chairs up to the window for her and Charleigh to be able to see out while they ate their breakfast.  It was too cute to pass up.
 My sweet girl's faces:) I LOVE their sweet friendship.  Creighton was at school all day today and Charleigh stayed home with me and she asked constantly "er way way" (where's Rae Rae?) :)
 Charleigh found this suitcase and decided she needed to open it up and play in it. It kept her entertained for a while :)
 LOVE this sweet face!

 Kari came and put this sold sign on the sign today! That's a huge praise.  It's been under contract for while now, but I guess everything is panning out and so she put that up. We were suppose to close April 4th but when our other house fell through, we pushed it back to April 15th (can't get rid of us just yet Bartlesville :))
 And one of my favorite sights to see in Spring! Our pretty tree as it turns purple with the kids' ladder hanging from it.  For some reason it just makes me happy! :) I love it. I will definitely miss it when we are gone, but for today, it brought me much joy!
In the midst of all the chaos, I needed to be reminded of the little things (and how they add up) that bring great joy to my heart.  It's so easy to be distracted by all negative/hard things so I decided to stop and take a picture for today so I could remember!

Change of plans

Friday we had inspections on "our new home" and apparently it's curb appeal was all it had going for it.  (not really, i still did like it).  But the inspections came back with an exorbitant amount of work/repair/replacements needing to be done.  So it's no longer our new home.

That was sad news to swallow.  But I am VERY thankful we know on this side of the contract that it needed so much work.  I was very concerned that we would be homeless (we were going to stay with my parents, so not completely) as of April 4th, but we found out that the people buying our house weren't moving in until the next week or so after closing and so we are hopefully going to get move our closing back to the 15th of April now :)  So we have a little bit longer to find a house and maybe we can close on or at least around the same date now! Yeah for not being homeless! ;)

I am quite certain that I have been in just about EVERY house in our price range in all of Bixby and Jenks and some of Broken Arrow.  Well, actually after tomorrow I will be.  We are looking at about 20 more houses tomorrow.  SURELY we'll find one, right?  Well, finding one isn't seeming to be the problem, it's finding THE ONE that is.  I hope its waiting for us tomorrow. :)

Wish me luck!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Under Construction....and contract

Well as my heart has been under construction with the Lord, He allowed us to go under contract on the house.  These past 2 months (to the day) have been nearly paralyzing to me at times.  I had no idea my faith was so weak, my will was so strong, and just how messed up I was.  It took waiting much longer than I ever had anticipated (and yet so short compared to so many people) to show me just how far I am from where I want to be, and even from where I thought I was.

I have never claimed to be perfect, but that has never stopped me from trying to be. I swear I think "perfectionism" and "control freak" should be a medically defined illness when it gets to the lengths, depths and breadth of where I had no idea I was.  I guess in my world I had become so accustomed to being in control that I had to be rocked in mighty ways to unravel the chains.

I am certain I am not out, and much like the dragon monster of addiction of any kind, I am certain I am not completely set free, as he would like nothing more than to entangle me once more.

Can you tell the Lord has been working mightily in my heart?  Oh He has. It's been ugly.  Just down right nasty at times, but He is Mighty and He didn't give up on me once, although I can't say the same about myself.

The crazy thing with me, is not only do I struggle with control and perfection, on the far other end of the spectrum there is a sad place (not that the other two aren't) called depression.  Oh how I despise the chains there more than just about any others.  I have found myself in the pit of despair and the chains of deep depression almost like some of the worst times in my life.  All over my impatience and short sighted selfish plan.

I suppose if the house for some reason gets out of contract and doesn't close that might be the true test to how much He accomplished in me, not of His ability, but the lack of my learning my lesson, and lack of faith.  But I am hoping that it doesn't, and if it does, I am hoping that I remember all of the ways in which He allowed deep refining, and the sweet promises He allowed me to hear, even though most of the time I wasn't listening.  I just have no idea where Creighton gets it :)

Anyway, when I typed out 2 months it seemed odd, because in the midst of it, it truly felt like a year or so.  I can't believe how crazy it sounds just to type it all out either.  It seems so trivial and such a short amount of time, but when you are in it, it so doesn't matter.

It's not really that I want to air out all my laundry for the world, but I've never been one to be fake or non-transparent.  I figure I learned so much in the past two months from others and so I should allow my story to be told just in case there is one person that might benefit.

One of the major visuals I received during the time of refining I am going to attempt to put in words. It was powerful...take it for what it's worth...

We were in the car. Charleigh hates the car with a fiery passion.  I was probably at the rock bottom depression of the entire time, I was driving (all 5 of us), and I just didn't have it in me to respond in any way to her.  So I just let her cry and scream.  All the while the Lord was knocking. He was saying, "Courtney, that's you."  I said sarcastically "thanks."  But He prodded my heart with the following: At first I was like yeah, okay. I hear her, you hear me.  I don't know what she wants and I can't do anything about it right now.  So how is that the same. YOU KNOW Lord. You know what I want, you know my hearts desires.  Oh yeah, and YOU CAN do something about it, but you just aren't, so how is this similar?  Well, after I got more mad at how He was just calling me a baby (although I totally was being one), I kept listening, because He wasn't finished.
He continued with: Courtney, I do know the desires of your heart.  And I am working on it, just like you are working on getting Charleigh home so she can get out of the car.  That's what she wants, and you do know that.

And then, as if that wasn't enough...He said if Charleigh wanted to go in the street full of traffic and you stopped her, she might cry and throw a fit.  You can hold her and tell her you love her best you can, but no matter what you aren't ever going to let her go in the street full of traffic.  So even though you know what she wants and YOU CAN let her do that, you won't, because it's not what is best, or even good for her at the moment and maybe not ever.  So, yes I know your heart, I love you, I am holding you, but I just can't do exactly what you think you want right this minute, but I will when I can, when it's perfect.