Wednesday, February 28, 2007

No sleep for the weary and tired mom

All I wanted to do was sleep today because Creighton had a horrible night...and she would NOT sleep....I got her to go to sleep for only 20 minutes all morning long after trying without ceasing until the school called and told me I had to come get Jackson early (it was 12:45) because he was puking everywhere...ugh! I wish he hadn't gotten sick for a million reasons, but just as they called, she had fallen I had to wake ehr up to get her in her seat and and in the car. It was like a nightmare came true or something. Every part of me hurts from not sleeping all week and last night was just miserable, taking 45 minute naps every 2 hours or so.
Jeff came home and tried to get me a nap for about an hour and of course I just laid there without ever falling asleep (somehow I don't know how) and now he has to go to work till 10 tonight and so I am alone with 2 sick kids and I wish more than anything I wasn't....
I am sorry I am complaining so much.
I am thankful for blogging--I am stealing Maria's thankful today. It is one of hte only things that keeps me sane on days like today. It is like theraputic for me to write it all out...I am just sorry that all of you have to read it when it is like the above post!
Hope you are allhaving a good day.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


well a few days ago or maybe longer I posted that I had 9-10 loads of laundry to do and well, I just finished them (well the last load is in the dryer)...oh man, what a relief....I felt such a sense of accomplishment last night...because I finished my bible study homework for the week, jeff cleaned the kitchen, i folded umpteen loads of laundry adn put it all away and had both kids to sleep...and i got to sleep before midnight. :) i figured creighton would wake up just as soon as i fell asleeep because she's been doing the midnight-midnight 30 thing lately, but she slept till i got about 2 hours of sleep which was more than i was expecting. then she didn't get up again till 5:30 I she's doing a bit better.

i love my kids! i had fun with them last night. jeff was gone and things went really smoothly and they played together and seemed to enjoy my and each others' was great. jeff came home and asked if we'd had a party or had someone over...i said no....he said well it looked like we had fun, and i said well that's because we did! it was good!

still pretty dang tired but hanging in there. God is good to me

I didn't get to go to bible study because Jeff and I felt it'd be best to stay home for the rest of the week with Creighton because that is what the doctor suggested and then see how we are all doing on sunday...i can't take creighton to the nursery for a while because she might infect other babies and Lord know we dont want that. it is spreading so easily right now there are so many babies that are sick. it makes me sad!

i love that jackson is so sweet to creighton. last night they were both sitting on his little couch (THomas the Train) and they were so cute! he'd lean over and kiss her and then put his arm around her....priceless.

i am thankful for my sweet babies!

Monday, February 26, 2007

RSV and Day Spa

Well, it is official. I took Creighton in to see the doctor and she has RSV and an ear infection...ugh! Thankful I already have Jackson's nebulizer from when he had RSV and so we dont' have to purchase another one of those...(i am still paying it off until April). Anyway, I feel sad for her. I hate it that she is sick and there isn't anything really I can do for her. The doctor told me I have to give her this medicine every 4 hours even through the night for her breathing, which she is up every 3 (or less) right now and thus, I will get presumably no sleep for the next week. I am so tired already I think that the thought of it is making my head hurt even more than it already does. This too shall pass, right?!

I have something wonderful to look forward to though. March 8th! I can't wait for the day to come. Jeff said that in his world and in the corporate world you get bonuses and raises when you do a good job and he stated that I have beena really great mommy and since I don't get this monetary rewards that the world offers he was going to give me a day at the spa. I don't even know where it is or what I am getting, but I am there for 5 hours and then that night he has a hotel room for JUST ME! I am so thoroughly excited and thrilled that the anticipation and excitement of it all is all that is keeping me going right now. I cannot wait....a WHOLE day to myself relaxing and then the best part is I get to sleep afterwards for as long as I want with no interruptions, except maybe to pump or something. I am thrilled! He definitely is the greatest husband around...not just for this, but certainly this helps!

I am thankful for my husband, duh!

Sunday, February 25, 2007


i forgot to post a thankful for today and yesterday

i am thankful for jeff who did the dishes and helped out alot yesterday and today

i am thankful that i got to opportunity to do some of my bible study and that the Lord continues to teach me new things through Daniel.


well I thought Jax was better and it was just a fluke timing or something because he didn't run a fever all day yesterday and so this morning I sent him to church with Jeff because I was exhausted and Jeff said itwould be fine for him to be in the nursery or with him. Well they came and got him apparently saying he wasn't feeling well and felt warm. Jeff never took his temp but he probably had a lowgrade again.
Creighton had a horrible night...and therefore I am so tired I can barely hold my eyes open and it feels like I have a horrible headache adn stomach ache all the time. She was up constantly and woke Jackson up too and so at one point I had to put her down and pray she'd somewhat fall asleep and/or atleast be quiet and go get him and rock him back to sleep, put him down and then go back and finish getting her nursed and to sleep...Jeff slept through it all and that was the 4th or more time I had been up from 11-6! Then again this morning just a mere hour and a half after that mayheim Jeff had gotten up to get in the shower for chruch and it happened again...they were both up at the same time crying...her to be fed or comforted and him to get out of his crib....I was thankful at that point he was willing to take Jackson off my hands for a few hours....but Creighton didn't let me rest unfortunately...but atleast I didn't have to be up and active with her like I would have been with Jax.
JEff is trying to give her a bottle and get her back down now but she's screaming....I am pumping but I don't know why she ate continually roughly for 12 body is worn out.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Sick kids part II

Oh my...I have wanted to blog for the past few days but it is difficult with one hand and deemed un-worth-it....
Creighton has been sick since Wednesday and is only getting worse. I went by the doctors office yesterday and they said she has RSV most likely but that for now I should just monitor her and treat her symptoms and only bring her in if she gets worse because there isn't much they can do for her unless she is "bad." Lord I pray that she does'nt get worse or get pnemonia like Jackson did when he had RSV. I hate winter and all that it kids get sick every winter...

Jackson is now running a low grade fever and is as whiney as ever. I hate that for us all...I don't like it when they don't feel well, for them, but my goodness his whiney state is about to drive me mad...and it doesn't help that he refuses to talk...that would help so much. All the kid wants to eat is Lucky Charms andof course all he eats is the marshmellows....its ridiculous.

I did get a chance for a break yesterday adn I went to Walmart because we were out of everything and the 2 things we did have were recalled...yes, both of my peanut butters were isn't any other peanut butters you can even try to buy right now either, they took them ALL off the shelf....if only GV and Peter Pan were recalled then why is there NO other pb on the shelf....good gracious....that is a staple in some peoples isn't in mine and so I don't know why I just went on a rampage about it...jeff doesn't like it, jackson and creighton can't have it till they turn 2, and I can't eat it because it makes Creighton really fussy and who really cares...but I did want to buy some for some odd reason and I couldn't....
but back to my trip to walmart....
it was wonderful....peaceful, alone (amongst hundreds of course, but alone, nonetheless) and it was fabulous...never knew I could enjoy being in walmart as much as I did yesterdya. It was a muchneeded break. Jeff had the kids and they slept for part of the time i was gone which was good....because they are a handful and then some right now when they are awake simultaneously.

anyway, Creighton is puking every time i feed her which is becoming annoying and I hope she gets better soon. I have changed outfits so many times for the both of us and it is so hard to do laundry with one hand...she will NOT let me put her down unless by rare chance I get her to sleep and then I have a few sacred minutes...which now is one of them and so I should go do some laundry....adios

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A busy but good 2 days

I had every intention of blogging and really, I had so much to say and now that I finally got around to it, I can't remember much of it. Anyway, I made it...and if I do say so myself, with flying colors. I enjoyed myself and proved to myself that I can do it (not alone, because God was definitely with me). Jeff decided back and forth about whether or not he was coming home tonight or tomorrow and I believe I just heard the garage apparently he decided he missed us too much to stay :). Classes were over but he was going to stay to write some of his papers in the "peace and quiet."

While he was gone, we made it to Bible Study on in I was there like almost 10 minutes before they started the video...yeah me! Really the only reason was Jackson has started to wake up earlier this week...which kinda stinks because I am the opposite of a morning person in all aspects...but it helps when you have somewhere to be. I enjoyed bible study and truly knew that the Lord had a word for was Beth Moore and she was talking about "when the 'strong one' isn't there to lean on and follow you have to step up yourself and be the strong one. " It was really in reference in the book of Daniel when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were confronted by King Nebechadnezzer about worshipping the idol without the leadership of their 'strong one' Daniel....when the opportunity to was set up they had to step up...and that was what I feel the Lord was saying to me even though it wasn't as crazy or spiritual maybe as in Daniel...but that I had to step up...and I did. There is a sign that I saw a few months ago and I wanted to get it for myself for times such as this week. It stated "Put on your big girl panties and get over it!"....

Anyway, we played at the park after bible study because the Lord blessed us with a beautiful day!! The weather finally was warm enough to be outside and so we did that! After naptime, we went on a walk....I put Creighton in the carrier and buckled Jackson in the wagon and we went to the park in our neighborhood and we had fun. Jackson of course was my little dare devil the whole time....he scared me....and for the first time I think as his mommy I had this crazy sense of fright because there were all these bigger (like 8-10 years) boys that he ran over to, far from me and they surrounded him and looked like thye were going to jump him...its so scary to trust him to the world...big lesson...well not trust him to the world, but rather while we are in it I have to trust the Lord to watch over him. I sure hope he empowered his best, mightiest, strongest, fastest and most awesome guardian angel to be Jackson's....he needs it!

We had dinner at the Howzes and that was fun...albeit kinda crazy with 4 little ones running around and trying to eat together...well 3 anda baby. I am so blessed by my friendship with Kara and her family. Jackson adores Aidan and Emma and actually he has learned to say Aidan's name (I think). One of the few on the list for him and how cute is it that she is one of them! Anyway, God truly has blessed me with crossing our paths...

That was all Jackson (again) got up earlier than normal...which I didn't care for, but it was fine. We had plenty of time to get him ready and AGAIN we were on time to something...and rare oddity in the life of Courtney Berg. I do though enjoy being on time to was a great sense of accomplishment...hahah...that is funny. Anyway, he had a GREAT day at school! Yeah yeah yeah! No biting, good nap, ate all his food....yeah Jax! While he was at school I had lunch with a friend of mine and then she watched Creighton while I went to get my second Christmas massage. Samantha Lin is was wonderful and then some! One whole hour, kidless and in heaven on earth relaxing and warm. Oh it was good.

Then after I picked up Jackson we went to the park again with Kara and the kids because it was a GORGEOUS day out again....I am very very thankful for the weather! We had a good time adn came home and Jackson took a nap...
Creighton had sorta a rough day and threw up like 2 times and had snot just pouring out her poor nose...I think the whole US has colds right now....or worse. Every baby in town seems to be sick. Its awful.

My parents came up to have dinner with us tonight so that was good! Free dinner and help with the kids for a few hours. They helped me get Jackson down...really they just stayed till I got him down...and then they left. It was fine and I am gald they came up! It was nice to see them.

And then I got Rae down and hopefully she'll sleep well again tonight..last night she slept from 9:30-5:40....:)happy mom...but I didn't sleep hardly at all, but now that Jeff is back hopefully I can rest...I was worried all night because I kept hearing noises...but now he's the man home and I don't have to worry so much...

He has to work all day tomorrow on school again...but I am okay with that....I am in a great mood and feeling great too! Tired, much! But, I am good....and I am confident in myself and in my God!

I am thankful that Jeff got home safely adn that I made it sanely..and for the weather...and for Jackson who is getting so big and old!

by the way, those boys didn't "jump" Jackson they were nice to him....praise the Lord
another by the way, thank you to all of you who encouraged me and prayed for me this was heard and answered and much appreciated!

welcome to the blog world darci!

Monday, February 19, 2007

rambling on and on

Jeff left tonight for school this week. I am very sad. I haven't really figured out why I have this horrid sense of "I can't do it without help," but I do. I have been thinking about it all day and really often lately why I believe that I am helpless and a failure at this mommy thing. I am a good mom! I know that I am...I can say it, and I am pretty sure I believe it...but deep down in my heart of hearts, I am so fearful of failing at it...and this is pretty big to fail at. I feel that my perfectionism type A personality is strangling me in this. I know that I can do this on my own if I had/have to, but I don't want to and so every time Jeff leaves or whatever I freak out. I don't even think this blog is making any sense, because my thoughts are so jumbled this way and that...I feel as if I am trying to convince myself that I am a good mom so that I will be "okay" during this time. ughghh....nevermind....I am sounding ridiculious now....I think I have just allowed Satan to have a foothold here in my life and convince me that I am less than and inferior and helpless and I need to give that to God I know. It is scary though....

Anyway, those are my crazy thoughts that are all consuming at the moment, but I will blog for a few seconds more ( I am tired and finally got Rae to sleep) but I wanted to blog.

Jeff and I were suppose to go to small group last night and we ended up not but we had sucha great excuse...our small group is discussing a book on marriage and I wanted to go because we haven't been yet and they are on like chapter 7 or something. I haven't read one word of the book and quite frankly I don't even know the title or where the book even is...but anyway, back to my point..we finally got to talk deeply about our marriage and really spend some quality time together that hasn't happened is SO long. It was really a sweet adn special time for us and I am so thankful (yesterdays thankful) for that time with him and the memories we made together and the deposits we made in the bank account of our marriage.

Jackson and Creighton are doing well and thankfully are feeling much better. My motherinlaw (jeff's step mom ) was suppose to come help me this week while JEff was gone but she has bronchitis ( i am so bummed) and so now she can't come. But on the good end of things, Jeff thinks that class is cancelled on the last day and so he'll be home a day early...great news there!

I just talked to jeff and he made it to Missouri fine! Iam thankful for his safety and his dedication to get this Masters done! He is such a great guy!

Tomorrow is bible study and I missed last week but I am excited to go this week! I actually am caught up on ALL of my homework too! thank you to those who prayed (and please continue)

I am thankful for my sweet babies....they make me laugh, cry, smile, and every emotion...they keep me going and without them I am not myself...

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Sleepy----and gonna get some

Jeff and I went to dinner ALONE tonight and it was nice. I took the kids down to my moms this afternoon because she claimed she was having ever thankful I am for withdrawls :). It was time for me to have a break I believe....I am exhausted. I am pumping and going to bed soon. But it was nice to have the car to myself on the way home and then meet Jeff for dinner and then we played games when we got home. Tomorrow is church and then I have the whole afternoon to myself til small groups begin and I am looking forward to my time alone believe you me! I have a million things I need to do though and I don't know what I want to do with my FREEDOM...I don't want to waste it, but yet I dont want to really spend it cleaning and running errands either, but I do need to get things done....My house has no ketchup! NO KETCHUP...that is like the cardinal sin in the Little Household and Jeff eats ketchup on therefore...I think I MUST run to walmart---the ever dreaded trip...but it will be alone so that will be fun---well more fun than toting one or two kids anyway. I am SO tired...It is great that I will sleep tonight...I am just so excited I can barely stand it....Did I mention I am tired and that I am getting sleep all through the WHOLE night....PRAISE GOD!
I declare it a good day!
Also, I went to Target with my mom and we took Rae with us (Creighton) and she was SOOOO good the whole time. She smiled at all the googlers that stopped to talk to her and smile at her....she talked and laughed and smiled and did not cry the whole time (well until the very very end on the way home...she was hungry). I was so proud of her. I bought her some cute things at Target too...and some new big binkies and some breastpump bags....the good kind. I also got Jackson some really cute muffin holders that have feet on them...and they are that cool rubber stuff that goes directly in the oven...I think he'll like them.
I am off to bed....if I could only explain the great excitement....I promise my words are not conveying it enough.....
I do love my kids though dearly dearly dearly adn I do miss them and their sweetness..but I am so thankful for my parents living nearby to take them for the night!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Good day

Today was Jeff's day to study and he got one of the books read and one of the papers done which was good. He has one book left to read and write a paper on before he leaves for class Monday. This weekend isn't terribly crazy as some of them have been lately and so I am certain he'll finish. Even though it is hard and frustrating at times, I am so proud of him...and I need to tell him more often for sure.

I was proud of myself today too...I took the kids to the mall and got Jackson's hair cut. Creighton was on her BEST behavior there as she fell asleep in the car on the way there and stayed asleep for the majority of the time. Jackson was pretty good too except I stopped to get a smoothie from Camilles and he wanted it and so I got another cup and put some in it but of course he wanted MY cup...he threw a good little fit a few different times over the silly I finally just threw both cups away...which I was sad because I really wanted it, but I hate his whining more than I wanted it I suppose. Anyway, he was pretty still for a little bit during the hair cut, but she didn't really get it looking the way I would have hoped but it certainly looks better than it was so long it was in his eyes and like 2 inches over his ears...he looks very handsome now!

Creighton has been the best girl all day today! I am so happy about that. I actually got them to nap at the same time today TWICE! Can you believe it...I could I rested with Creighton in my bed during both of Jax's naps. It was great. Jeff was reading for one so that was a better nap but then during the second one he was typing in here with us but I still fell asleep anyway--that is how tired I am. I think my body is just drained after a long and stressful week right after being sick for the entire weekend prior to it. Jackson slept through the night last night too for the first time since he had gotten sick about 5 days that was real nice too! Once Creighton fell asleep she only woke up once about 1:30 and took her binky right away and then didn't wake up til like 5:30 or that was good sleep for me. I needed it.

I am thankful for my two awesome kids and my awesome husband who is working so hard to provide for us and get hismasters at the same time.

I think we are hiring a new person too as his assistant soon and for that I am so thankful because man, that will just be great! He's been begging for an asst. for 4 years. Better late than never...and I really like the candidate too!

Kara--your double stroller was such a lifesaver thanks!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Father Daughter banquet came and went

It's all over. Every year it turns out fine and people come and eat and enjoy and leave and we get out of there with everything atleast somewhat put away and cleaned and all is well....but yet, EVERY year I stress out so much over it all. I think it just my personality. I like everything to be perfect I am a perfectionist and I always have been...I don't know why I think things would have changed. Anyway, I am glad its over with for this year...I am glad that this week is almost over and I am glad that my bed awaits me...if we could only get Creighton to go to bed. Last night it took forever and tonight is appearing to be the same....oh how I wish she slept....

I am so so so so tired and tomorrow promises to be a long day as Jeff is working on school all day tomorrow since he didn't get to today.

I am thankful for my dad and mom today because they are truly wonderful people who go above and beyond the call of duty for me always! I love it that my dad has come up to all four years of father daughter banquets...its fun doing it with him. and this year (and probably all the others too) my mom was a HUGE help in getting it all cooked and prepared this afternoon.


Tonight is the banquet. I am a lot less stressed than I thought I'd be but I think that is because I am at home still waiting for someone to take over my mommy job so I can go be in work mode and get everythign ready for tonight up at the church. I hope desperately that it is all together and goes smoothly. AHHHHHH

I have decided that when you post everyday people get to see the "boring" details of mundane life, but when you don't post everyday and think you might have something profound or atleast not boring to say you don't because then TOO MUCH happened and it would take too long to write it all I think I am goign to stick (or try) to posting everyday.

With sick kids and a week from hell its been hard to get on here, but Jackson is feeling better. Yeah! I actually sent him to school yesterdya for the latter half of the day so he could have fun at his first ever Valentines Day party. They said he did adn it was evident as when I came to get him he had red hair from enjoying his cupcakes so much....oh well! :)

THen last night they nursery at the church kept all the kids so parents could go out....well Jeff had to work because they had youth group adn then I had to run to Tulsa to buy all the food for the banquet and that was how we spent our Vday...not even together but atleast the kids were taken care of so I didn't have to tote them all over creation trying to find everything I needed to get.

Jeff adn I don't really celebrate vday....he says he loves me, tells me and shows me 365 days a year and he doesn't need to be told to do so by marketing people/the rest of the world when everything is more expensvie anyway....i sometimes shocks me that he convinced me of this though, as I like to be romanticized at times....but he is right...he does do sweet things for me and tells me he loves me everyday

Um....oh yeah...okay so seriously I am disturbed by this and not many other people were....a guy died at the church last night. He had a heartattack and died while I was at Sams....and it didn't seem like it was a big deal to anyone else last night once I got back.....hello...a human being DIED...that is so sad. His daughter was there last night too with him.....I cannot imagine! Oh I am glad I wasn't there..but it freaked me out that my kids were there...I don't do death well really if you can't tell....

Anyway, not that I should follow that comment up with this ...but I figured I lighten the mood now...I have to share this funny probably will have to click on it to make it bigger to appreciate all of my artistic talent in photography...this is a once in a lifetime shot as I captured my son as he NEVER looks..serene, quite, peaceful (unless hes sleeping), and then my daughter is spitting up mid shot....awesome. It makes me laugh very hard.

Well I am off to get ready to go work for several hours....oh I want tonight to go smoothly and be over!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Stressed Out

Wow. Well, I got over being sick and was thrust full throttle back into being a Mommy right away and I wasn't so prepared for it. I missed my kids and holding and hugging and kissing them for sure...but my body wasn't really ready for the toll that the rest of "mommy" requires especially when one of the kiddos is sick. Jackson hasn't been feeling well at all and not sleeping at all. Its awful. His cough is terrible...and he feels miserable. I am exhausted from all of that and on top of all of that this is the craziest week ever. However, we have one event under our belts and I think it went well--the Mother/Son Evening went well last night...there were about 50 people there and so that is good for a first time event. Tonight is a big Nikao night and then Thursday is the Father-Daughter Banquet. CRAZY. I think though it'll work out. Iam going to get all the food tonight from Sams in Tulsa and then man, I just hope it works out to cook/prepare it all.
Well I am off...I have a million things I need to be doing. My head is spinning I am so tired and crazy. Just pray that this week gets over with and all of us in one piece. I am so behind in EVERYTHING. I have laundry coming out my ears for days ...seriously I think I still have about 8-10 loads left and I have already done about hat many. I have emails a mile long to reply to and a million phone calls too....and that doesn't even begin to make a dent in my things to do list today/this week

I am thankful i am not sick anymore.

Happy valentines day

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Tattooed soul

I have been "exploring" and finding new and really great is an excerpt from a blog that I found and I LOVE what she was a great reminder to me and an encouragement. Her name is Sarah and she is the mother of three:

My Tattooed Soul

Being a mom is overwhelming, underappreciated, relentless, monotonous, unpaid, unglamorous work. I am on call 24/7, and that means when my child is vomiting in his bed at 3 a.m., not only do I have to get out of my own warm bed, clean up his stomach contents and change his pajamas, I also have to let him sleep in my bed with me, breathing his sickly breath in my face.

I have stretch marks and permanent love handles. Parts of me will never look the same without professional help. As of this month, I have been either pregnant, breast-feeding, or pregnant and breastfeeding at the same time, for three complete years. My life is not my own. I answer to the beck and call of three immature, demanding, high-maintenance people who don't understand the rules of fair play or the value of alone time.

I am a servant, nurse, toy mechanic, chef, P.E. teacher, discipliner, narrator, laundress, and personal assistant. Even when they go to bed--which is a complete routine involving books, songs, back-scratching, prayers, medication, and diaper changes--my work is not near finished. There are still loads of laundry to be folded, toys to put back in their homes, highchair trays to clean, and boys' bathroom toilets that need to be wiped down. It is an unending cycle that at times can be frustrating, exhausting, unrewarding.

And if I looked at my life through those eyes all the time, I'd be bitter, irritable, and negative. I would be impossible to live with, and my children would grow up feeling like they were obligations, rather than gifts from God bestowed on me for a brief period of time. There is so much out there that says I am living life as a doormat if I don't fight for my rights! Demand me-time! Make my husband help with the chores! Have my own checking account!

I live in this world, but this world does not live in me. Mottos like Have it your way! don't work for me. Instead, in a paradox that this world scoffs, Jesus says, Have it My way! Not your will, but Mine! If you want to have a life, you have to give yours up! Be the servant, not the served! I don't know of many opportunities outside motherhood that allow me to lay down my life more fully. When I'm tempted to chafe at the constant demands and occasional indignities, I hear a still, small voice gently reminding me that I am the clay; He is the potter. He is using stomach viruses, sibling rivalry, and high-maintenance children to shape me into something much more beautiful than I am now. If only I'll let Him have His way.

At the same time, I am teaching my children the crucial lessons of having patience, taking turns, and serving each other. They are learning that family is a gift, and if we bite our brother, he will not want to play with us. In the same moment, they learn that even a wide-jawed, skin-breaking bite mark doesn't break the strong bonds of brotherhood.

Sometimes I blow it. God hands me an opportunity to develop kindness, patience, and gentleness; instead I react with anger, irritation, harsh words. In those moments, my children see that even adults need repentance, and they learn how to forgive. He is the Redeemer, able to teach them through my weaknesses.

What a beautiful, many-colored gift motherhood is. It is something nobody can be adequately prepared for, no matter how many parenting classes and books are consumed. On some days, my children may not get bathed, eat nutritious food, or be read to, but if I've spent some time snuggling and speaking softly-spoken words, all is well. When I take the time to remember that interruptions are God's method of working on this canvas of my life, that my life is not my own, I feel the rays of His pleasure breaking over me.

Motherhood is a permanent tattoo on my soul. I am a mom, and I will never be the same. Even stretch marks are worth that.

I just loved it. I hope you enjoy it also. I am feeling much much better today which is nice. I got some good sleep last night and I took a long nap this morning. I think the sleep definitely helped a lot too. Jackson has been with Jeff's parents and so things have been relatively quiet today except for the occasional outburst from Creighton when she's been hungry waiting for Daddy to get the bottle ready...otherwise she's been an angel. She is so beautiful.
Jeff has been great and such agood daddy. I think it was really good that this happened (as much as it did suck) because Creighton is doing better about being with JEff now since that is all her options were...and she is takinga bottle great and Jeff said he let her cry for 5 minutes last night and then she took her binky and went to sleep till 7:30 this morning...that is great news for us all.

I am thankful for tattooed soul and the children that made it that way

I am thankful for other bloggers out there who are way more eloquent than me and the fact that our Great Lord seems to be so evident in so many people's lives is such a great thing...sometimes with all the bad going on the world, its easy to forget that He has already won the war and He is present in so many of us.
I am thankful daily now for the health of my children because what I am finding more and more is that so many babies/children have so many difficulties/health problems, etc....which I knew happened but when you read all their stories and look at their precious babies faces it makes it all so much more real.

Friday, February 9, 2007

So sick

I have been so sick since about midnight last night. It is awful. I guess a virus is going around and I have heard from one person 12 hours, my mom 24-48 hours, and the doctor 3-5 days...My 12 hour mark is way over with as I am nearing the 24 hour mark this evening. I am the worst "patient" ever especially when everyone is saying how contagious it is, therefore, Jeff and the kids can't be around me (haven't been) all day and again tomorrow if I am not better. I hate throwing up just about as much as anything I can think of. Sorry about the following statements ahead of time--feel free to skip the italized and then keep reading...

Everytime I throw up every hole that the good Lord gave me excretes something (except my ears I think...although I could have sworn last night I though my brain might begin sqeezing out them). Thankfully I had pads on because I was expelling milk like crazy, I went through several pairs of socks, pants and underwear, I cry uncontrollably and my nose runs...I will leave to the imagination all the other holes I left out...
Okay I am back to non-disgusting talk...when you are a mom those things no longer bother you as daily I am amess with spitup, pee, tears, poop, slobber and snot...opps sorry.

Anyway, Jeff has been home all day with the kids and I swear he is wonderful, however, Creighton and Jackson too for that matter haven't cried that much in a 15 hour time frame in a very long time. We just do things so differently. It broke my heart to hear them crying all day and not being able to a thing about it. I didn't want to step on his toes and give him a play-by-play but I am CERTAIN that it was nothing like normal when Mommy is home doing the kid watching. He cleaned all day on and off which is nice, but I think I know now why I don't get those things done--both kids he just let scream till he was finished doing whatever it was he was doing. I can't handle that and a clean house is NEVER worth that to me. I am sure that Creighton has had about half the amount of milk she normally has in one day, which is probably fine because she doesn't need to eat every time I feed her and I know that...I know (or atleast have read and agree) that difference between the way moms and dads do things is normal in every family and very good for the kids so that they know that things can be done a different way...but let me be the first to say, it is fine maybe when mom isn't home to hear and occasionally see what is different...that was so hard. THankfully for that situation I wasn't feeling like being up much at all and so I just laid in bed in pain and discomfort--alone. I hate being alone when I am sick...that is awful. I haven't been "touched" or loved or kissed or comforted really all day...I know that sounds selfish, but goodness when someone is taking care of you it atleast makes it more manageable. I know I sound ridiculous, but holy cow, I am entitled to it because I still feel bad :)
Jeff is trying ot be super dad/husband right now as he isn't wanting any help although THREE times today I set things up for the kids to be taken care of so he could get work done, relax, sleep whatever...I even got his mom to agree to come get them for the whole weeekend, but he is refusing and it is making me very sad/mad at him. I don't get it, but yet I want to honor him and his wishes at the same time...but I am their mother and I feel (although this probably isnt' true) that I know better than he does. As in, he has church league basketball tonight in which he is coaching the team (2 games) and he drug the kdis out in the freezing cold WITH him to do what while he's coaching I don't know....and I had it taken care of for them to be watched during both games. UGH!
Anyway, I love JEff and he is doing the best he knows, but he is being so stubborn I could just hit him. It seems just recently he gave a talk talking about when you are in need of help to enlist the help of others and to not deny their help because that is denying their seems we might need to get the notes out for the preacher!

Well, I am about finished pumping which is another story all in itself in that this morning after puking all night I pumped and it was CLEAR...hello, its suppose to be white....that was scary...I think it is because I have nothing left in my system to help produce milk, which is my next point, in that since then I haven't been full all day and that isn't good...I barely pump anything and I have only had the energy to sit for an extended period of time a few times today to do so...I hope I don't dry up...but right now I can 'teven keep water down. The doctors say it is highly highly contagious too so obviously I don't want anyone to get it, but I am afraid that I am going to have to help because Jeff has a really busy work day Sunday-Thursday this week, not to mention, that thursday is the father daughter banquet that I AM IN CHARGE OF and I cant' barely leave the bed or the toliet right now. OH my goodness, I am stressing out.

WEll, so sorry for the long long rambling and complaints and whatnot...but I am thankful that I haven't puked in the last few hours, just other things, but that is so much better than puking I will take it. I am thankful for jeff and also the other that all helped or atleast volunteered to help us today. I will be very thankful when this is all over and prayerfully the kids and Jeff won't get it.

**UPDATED: Well I found out after I published last post that Jeff did end up taking the kids to the friends during the first game and that his parents are on their way to pick Jackson up right now. I hate that they will be driving so long and so far in the dark and so late, but oh well. They really wanted to hang out with Jackson. I don' tthink they are going to take Creighton but that is okay...we can manage..I hope certainly she doesn't get sick, but supposedly my breastmilk is full of antibodies for her so she is less likely. We'll see. I am so tired and so hurting--my whole body just aches like madness! I figured I should pump again though. Trying to keep down some water and a few saltines.

Thursday, February 8, 2007


Well, its another Thursday...and normally I'd be complaining about how I don't get any help on Thursdays and blah blah blah...but today I am not going to do that....

I would encourage everyone to go read this blog (Eliot). It has made me cry, and smile, has encouraged my heart, my walk, and my faith, and made me realize how INCREDIBLY blessed I truly am and that I have a beautiful wonderful healthy family that I love and cherish and I that this Thursday is an amazing day, a beautiful day, a blessing. My sweet Creighton is 98 days old today...can you only imagine?

For allof that I am SO thankful

Also, fyi...go back in the archives and read from the beginning of the'll take some time, but it is WELL worth the read....these two people are quite amazing and the Lord is SO evident in their lives...what a testimony to the awesome healing power of our Lord Jesus and His sweet tender mercy and grace, yet his Sovereign plan that we cannot thwart.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Thankful for...

I am certain that I "owe" several for the days I here are a few:
(these are in no particular order...)

*I am thankful for my friend (college roommate) Darci who reads my blog and then tells me I am good mommy anyway! (truly...thanks so much for the means so much)

*I am thankful for my friend Maria who is so on top of things and helps keep me sane by emailing me, blogging so I can read it, and commenting...

*I am thankful for my friend Kara who is such a blessing to me. She is in bville with me and constantly listens to my complaints and rantings on motherhood...and she always hangs out with me, even though I am sure there are many other things she would rather be doing:)

* I am thankful for Jackson going to school twice a week but yet, I am about to negate this thankful by complaining for a moment....they are raising their prices and they are already the most expensive mother's day out in town...ugh! And, another quick story from monday...they said "he had a good day....because P wasn't there from him to chomp on"...this made me so angry...they are playing favorites and Jackson isn't on the list! I think I might look for another school in the fall.

*I am thankful for my sweet Creighton's laughter and babbling she is doing right now as I type....she is so cute!

*I am thankful for my mom paying for Jackson to go to school

* I am thankful that football is now officially over with from peewee league to professional...until next year.

*I am thankful that I hav a great pump (thanks to my friend Juli)

*I am thankful for my husband whom I love so much and thankful that he puts up with me, even on days when I can barely stand myself.

*I am thankful for life and that I have wonderful healthy children.

* I am thankful for the fact that we had nice enough weather to go the park yesterday adn I went with both kids by myself and we made it and actually had fun!

don't forget to read my post below....

A new day

I am back. I haven't posted because I haven't really had much to say. Rather...well atleast not much nice to say and I was trying to abide by the rule of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I think I have just been down in the dumps and thus, all of the people I care about most, namely my husband, my children and my parents, have made my mad, sad, upset, or whatever and I didn't want to blog about something that was a fleeting emotion and that I would regret was forever upon the eyes of my blog. So, I am sorry.

Today I am a little better and would like to say hello to the blogging world. Sorry for those of you who have read about my Saturday for 3 days in a row....
I don't really have much exciting to blog about today either though...however, I am certain that had I posted my true feelings over the past few days, it would have been a fun and lovely read for most of you :)...I can get a little vicious when I am mad. I will refrain, however, I am so tempted.
My husband has been amazing since he figured out how upset I was though. He has cleaned and helped like crazy adn been so great! So, for one of my thankfuls I am very very thankful for his help, love and servant heartedness to me.
Jackson is funny. I feel like I have a million funny things I wanted to write about and now that I am writing I can't think of one...oh well. This morning when I was changning him and getting him ready for school he was pointing at the closet and roaring like a lion...I was thinking he was crazy but he just kept doing it, so finally I looked up adn saw that there was a little cup sitting on the shelf that had a lion on it and I was so proud of him! :) He was being so sweet and good for me while I was chnaging him (which isnt' normally the case) that I didn't want to interrupt it by trying to figure out what he was doing...but I am glad I did and then he was still good for me while we finished...oh yes, nad I have another "bad mother" story....for the second time (yes I know...superbad mom) I have zipped my sons skin up in a zipper. Today I was unzipping his pj's and all the sudden he started screaming....I had gotten the skin on his inner know that had to have hurt! I felt so terrible....he was fine although I hope he forgives me.

Creighton has been pretty fussy the last few days, but I can't really blame her, although I wish I could. Its really my fault because Ihave been horrible at watching what I eat...rather I watch the things that include all kinds of dairy and tomatoes go right into my mouth! I am so sick of not enjoying food and so I gave into it several times this week and I didn't pump it out and give her a bottle...I just kept feeding her. Opps. She didn't appreciate it at all.

Last night we went to Mazzio's with some friends and I had a really great time! But I ate a TON of pizza. I doubt that she got much of it last night but we'll see how today goes....but the other day I was so stressed out from the Father-Daughter banquet that I am in charge of (and I don't want to be in charge of it ever again..but I have said this for 4 years now), that I ate an entire bag of powdered sugar donuts....okay, so yes, you heard me correctly, an ENTIRE BAG...not the little rectangle you get from the convenient store that has 6 donuts, a whole bag that has atleast 24 or so....I ate them in one sitting as I was talking on the phone to one of the "volunteers" to help me. I was really stressed...but needless to say, this made Creighton fairly upset....that was a lot of dairy. Also, I read on there that I consumed 66 fat like 5 minutes...I "redeemed" myself by noticing I had 12g Protein....hahahahah

Creighton didn't go to bed till 2am...thankfully Jeff stayed up with her. UGGHHHH....when will she learn to go to sleep at normal times! Jackson sleeps more than her and I would love to....she surely isn't getting enough rest! I hate it...but I have no idea how to make her go to sleep and stay asleep...although I am fairy certain it is because she hates her bed...and I would looks so uncomfortable....I could easily solve her problem by putting her in the crib and getting Jax his new big boy bed...but then I have a WHOLE new crazy set of problems on my hands. He is fighting his naps like crazy and so I know that woudl be terrible. I think he'd stay in bed at night, but if he woke up early early he'd get out of bed instead of laying there till he fell back asleep and I dont' think I coul dhandle that. One of my friends said her little girl got up at 6:30 and she doesn't take naps...I WOULD DIE. That is so gosh darn freaking early I wouldnt know what to do with myself. I require way more sleep that than would lend.

I took Jackson to the dr. yesterday and his ears and chest are finally good! Our appt. was at 4:30...I got home at 6:15...I was a little mad that they were running so far behind....ugh!

Creighton is awake and hungry...gotta run....more later enjoy...

I will repost my thankfuls....

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Not much on this Saturday

Today was good. Jackson slept till 9 so that was really nice. I got up at 6 to feed Creighton and just ended up bringing her back to our bed which is fine she'll usually go back to sleep if I nurse her and then don't touch her....she likes cuddling up really really close to me while "we" sleep...I usually eventually fall asleep now, unlike when she was smaller....I was so nervous I'd suffocate her or something, but now, I am too tired mostly to think that and know that she's survived so far so hopefully (obviously) nothing will happen.
Jeff had to work the scoreboard at the gym today for like 6 hours...ugh...I hate it that I don't even have him on Saturdays...but oh well. It wasn't too bad. I took the kids up to the gym for an hour of it and Jackson was great for the first 23 minutes and then crazy wild and cranky for the latter half...what did I expect though? He did take 2 decent naps today though which was nice. Then we went to dinner as a family after everyone in town (that we called anyway) was too busy to do anything with us...sorry if you are reading this and we didn't call you. Anyway, it ended up being a good dinner with the 4 of us....we went to Rib Crib and I had a good meal with shrimp and chicken....Jackson was funny all he wanted was corn on the cob and bread....
Jeff and I got to play Canasta tonight and we watched Shakespeare in Love at the same time...that was fun. It was a good thing though that we had it planned to do that because Creighton didn't want to go to sleep tonight and I just got her down and its after midnight....the movie just ended so it timed perfectly but on a normal night i would have been really frustrated and Upset....but I am fine and now hopefully she'll stay asleep...
Tomorrow is the superbowl...whoopdedoo...I think I am going to go to my parents because Jeff will be busy all day again and until the the dumb game is over...I figure I should have help :) I am thankful that my parents live close enough to help me out ....a lot! :)

Friday, February 2, 2007

so blessed

Yesterday Jeff worked most of the day and into the night on his homework/reading/writing for school...keeping the kids quiet is rather after Jackson's nap and lunch we went up to the church to hang out with the kids at BCHA and Kara (that is the homeschooling thing at the churh on thursdays). Anyway that was fun and it was good to get out for a few hours to let Jax play. They were both pretty good while we were gone and I got some good conversation (adult) in with Kara and K. I really like K. WE are very different in lots and lots of areas but I respect her a lot and know that I can learn a lot from her. She is a neat and super super sweet lady that seems to have it all together, but yet she's real too. I don't know what it is (besides the Lord) about her, but I like it and I want to find out more.
Anyway, then we came home for Jax's second nap and then we left to go to Owasso/Tulsa and I met my parents for dinner and then we went back to the house. I went to Target with my dad and I exchanged the heater (the one I broke) with a new one...that was a good thing. Anyway, I got a little bit of sleep and what I did get was good. I just was awoken* at 6:30 and never got to go back to sleep because once i fed her and got her to sleep Jackson was awake for the day (since he has a "big boy bed" at grammies he can get out of it by himself, so once he's awake, he is up and out instead of falling back asleep). *I dont' know if that was correct english

Anyway, so needless to say I was pretty tired for sure and Jackson usually doesn't get up that early so he was pretty dang cranky and my parents had both left for work and it was a madhouse...I almost lost my cool several times. It was quite the chore for me to get all of our stuff into the car, both kids in the car and be even somewhat sane in the process.... but I made it...and I decided that I really needed to get a Jamba juice on the way home to make me feel worked.
I got home and Jackson had fallen asleep in the car and he took the rest of his nap in his crib, which was nice--even nicer he couldn't get out :). Anyway, I got a shower and then got ready and nursed her and then he was up and we went to Kara's to play with Aidan and emma and that was fun. We had a good day (although this morning I was certain that wasn't meant to be)..thankfully it happened! But I was so superduper tired from my morning that whenever Jeff got home, Jackson was down for his nap and I handed Creighton over and took one myself. It was a much direly (again, probably misspelled or something) needed nap....I took one for an hour and half...Jeff said Creighton screamed for the most part the entire time. Oh well....she'll be fine.
My friends Larissa and Rachel had their babies Josie and Violet (respectively---haha..I like to use that when I can, which isn't very often...)anyway, so Kara and I went up to the hospital to see them...that was fun. All four are doing well and healthy!
I came back home after getting some dinner from Wendy's and a small trip for cold medicine for Creighton to walgreens. Jeff and Jackson were playing with Chris (one of the youth) who had been at the house since Jeff had gotten home at 330. Then they all went to the basketball game together and Creighton and I took a bath together which was really great bonding time. I love that time with her....she is so sweet! She was a pretty good girl tonight. I got my 3rd day of homework done (yeah me!) and spent some time of the Internet looking at other mommy's blogs and I figured out how incredibly lucky and blessed I really am! There are so many people out there that have kids with serious health issues and I am so thankful for my kids and their health and the blessing that is!
Ready to go to bed!