Waiting...

Our women's ministry is currently in the middle of Esther by Beth Moore.  I can't tell you how much I love this study.  As the weeks progress, it has only gotten better.  This week tops it all.  If I have ever needed a word from the Lord, then it was now, and it was this!  Get your pen!!

Habakkuk 2:3c
Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

Oh, how my heart needed to hear that promise, first and foremost.

But the TRUTH behind what her whole talk today was this: We will lose our strength when we wait on _________ (fill in the blank for yourself), but we will renew our strength when we wait on the Lord.

For me, for us, our blank is our baby.  To say we are waiting would be an understatement.  Although we have not waited long compared to many people, not to mention we already have two blessings with us, we truly felt that this was a God thing and that because we were so willing to step out in faith, that there would be no waiting.  But there is.

And you know what? It's good.  I'm okay with waiting, I am.  I'm just not good at it.  Patience does not come naturally to me, but I must say I am working on it--with the Lord's grace.  We only want what is best for our family and for this child.  Truly.  So, why was I so anxious and trying so hard to DO when I should just relax and stop and wait on the Lord, not on my child.  Wait on the Lord renews my strength. I am excited for that burden to be completely lifted from me.  Because I have been zapped waiting (thinking I could actually do something) about getting a baby here sooner.

Today's lesson was all about time.  When time is so different on God's left arm than mine, why would I choose to want to be zapped of my strength.  I know there is another (maybe more) Berg out there, and somewhere written in the pages of his/her life we get to meet.  Not only will our paths cross, but they will unite, forever.  We'll be completed all the more as a family, and I CAN wait for God's best.  I am so thankful that I serve such a loving, compassionate, all-knowing God. 

So, I am not anxious about the wait for our child.  I am still thrilled to be on the journey, but it's better now.  God has ever so graciously been giving us (me) his sweet gestures to not lose hope in the journey all along, just as I needed them.  I am so thankful for this one. 

So, as we wait on the Lord for our precious new addition, we wait with open arms, open hearts, and renewed strength.  Thank you Lord.

And there is a song that I just love out called While I'm Waiting by Josh Waller...listen if you'd like!

A Ladies Retreat Worth Mentioning

I spent the weekend in the middle of nowhere, OK with a bunch (25 to be specific) women from Grace. I was so hesitant to go because I just don't LOVE doing things like that. It gets me quite far from my comfort zone in every sense of the word. Where it all together was different than what I expected, it was good. I sincerely LOVE LOVE LOVE fellowship with "more birthday-ed" women of faith. I just do. I loved Apples of Gold for the very same reasons. There just is something that cannot be replicated Dalene, is that word?.

Anyway, I am way behind in a million things of life at the moment...but not ironically our weekend was spent with John Ortberg teaching about temporary versus eternal. I must say I learned a lot and put it into practice when I got home. I "needed" to do so many things, but I didn't do any of them...except that which matters. I spent time with my children and my husband and loved every minute of it. Well at least until Jeff left me alone with them and they were holy terrors at bed time. Up until that time they were amazing and I could tell were responding in every way positive to how much of my time and attention they were getting. It was awesome.

So, thank you John Ortberg and all the sweet and awesome ladies that put together this little retreat/seminar and made me attend. It was good for my soul and I am just beginning on the journey of how much I actually learned by putting it into action.

I am WAY excited to eat my own food, sleep in my own bed, with only my husband in the room, and not have to be anywhere at 8am though :)

Sprouts and Discipleship

Last night I was already tired, but we had invited some youth over. They were suppose to come at 9, but didn't arrive till almost 10. I was sad about the timing, but glad we got to spend some good time with them. It was fun. Two of them left at 12:30 and then I had some really sweet conversation with another one until 1 or so.

After she left Creighton woke up saying her leg was hurting, but thankfully she went back to sleep by around 1:30. I am not really sure what was wrong with her. She seemed fine this morning.

We got a phone call from another youth about that time though and they (he and Jeff) talked till 2 or later. I was SO tired. I slept soundly from 2-6 and then Jackson came in because he couldn't find his binky. Then at 7 Creighton came in and wanted to nurse, then I took her back to her bed. Then Jackson was up at some time after that but Jeff got up with him and put on a movie I guess (I don't really remember any of that). Then Jeff's alarm went off at 8:30. It was a crazy night/morning, but oh well.

I got up and got showered and dressed and ready for church but when I realized we were going to be a little late to Sunday School, I decided to skip it and pick up the house (even though I was dressed for church). I felt very good about myself this morning! :)

We got to church on time, with both kids dressed and relaxed instead of RUSHED out the door, and they both had breakfast at home instead of in the car or in the classroom. I met up with the two girls that were over last night (for the first time ever) and the three of us went to church. It was a a sweet time because it was just us three getting to be there together. It was also the Sunday for the Lord's Supper and so I got up to go and asked them to join me. We got to do that together and then I prayed and I loved that time. Normally I do that with my family or Jeff and I love that, but today was unique and good. My time with the Lord was sweet during worship and I loved that they got to be there with me. I love these two girls dearly and pray for them a lot.

I don't think it was a coincident that the sermon today was over Personal Discipleship. It is my desire with these girls and has been for a long time, but obviously has to be a two-way thing. We're making progress, but only time will tell. I know seeds have been planted, and I see little sprouts along the way. :)

Most of all, I hope they know I love them and care for them so much! Our pastor's challenge was to pray about who to disciple in 2009. I really hope that their hearts are pricked and ripe and hungry, because I really want to be a part of their spiritual growth and development. Even if it is only one of them...or maybe someone else even.

I suppose another huge desire would be for someone to walk alongside me. Maybe someone else got the message today for me, now that is just as exciting.

Stepping Up.

We began our fall women's bible study on Tuesday. (It is Stepping Up by Beth Moore). I was so excited about it beforehand....and still am in the midst of it. I love fellowship of women during bible study season (s). I just love it.

I am in a group with some ladies I do know, some I don't. I am excited to get to know them all better. It will be a really neat opportunity. I've missed this deeply.

God is so at work already in me anyway. On Tuesday Creighton was driving me nuts in the morning and then when I dropped her off in the nursery (huge perk to women's bible study :)) she screamed bloody murder and made a huge scene and I was very flustered already (thanks a lot Satan) before it even began. I hate it that I wear my emotions on my sleeves! Everyone in the room knew it as I blistered through the doors with no grace at all, tossed my stuff on the first table and all but ran to back looking like a giant fool. Oh well.

The Lord poured out his grace on me through friendly smiles, sweet generosity of a good friend, and the spoken Word of the Lord by one of my most favorite female speakers of all time!

However, at the same time, the Lord was showing me He had a lot in store for me. When we split up into group time I was so upset. I was in a room with NOT ONE of my close friends (there are lots of them doing the study). I was really wrestling with God on this one...back and forth, should I stay here or just go to the other group. I knew God had a plan and that I was to stay and that He put me specifically in that group for a purpose and yet I was still frustrated about it. When I finally came to grips with God had a plan and a purpose and stopped pouting and started looking for "my place" here, in comes one of my very best friends, Kara...who happened to also be placed in my group, but had been nursing her sweet baby. God is funny like that. I still have a ton of other friends in the other group...and I know that God has a lot in store for me in this study, in that group, but he also gave me my hearts desire in having a "companion" and didn't leave me alone (although I know he was with me and there are some sweet ladies in that group that I do love).

A lot of that comes from things I have been wrestling with a lot lately...not fitting in, being alone, life not being "fair"...you know hanging out with a 2 and 3 year old all day is starting to rub off on me...bummer :) I know it is all very childish...but I am so thankful that even in my childish-ness, God sees me, knows me, cares for me, and KEEPS me. I love it.

This study has already taught me some serious things about my heart and my walk, and my life. I am so excited to jump in head first each morning. I have gotten up before everyone in my house 2 days in a row and I couldn't be more excited about it. I love my God. There is no other like Him. None.

Apples of Gold

So, I have wanted to post about this for a few weeks and I am not sure why I haven't. This is the greatest thing and I just love it! I don't know Betty, but it is fantastic and I think EVERYone should do it.

I love inter generational things...and this is one of them!

It is a study/event that is called Apples of Gold. Our women's ministry team at Grace has put this together and it is truly just awesome. They each are so unique in their gifts and it is very neat to see it all play out together and just how well they all compliment one another in this way.

What it is: a night where the "more birthday-ed" as I like to refer to them as women in our church take us younger women and serve us, teach us, spoil us, love us, and teach us so more! We are meeting for 6 weeks (each Tuesday night) for 2.5-3 hours. The first little bit they teach/show us a new recipe and some cool kitchen gadgets/ideas/tricks of the trade etc. Then we meet for a bible study over specific topics based on the scripture Titus 2:3-5. After that we get to eat what we were shown in the cooking part and also have fabulous conversation with a group of 4-6 women.

I just absolutely love this! It is priceless. I love hearing the lives' of women that have gone before me in the journey of being a believer, a wife, a mother, a friend...they are so sweet and precious--all of them. They each have different stories and different personalities and they are so fun! They seem to really enjoy being on their end of it as well. I like to make a big deal about them, just as they seem to do for us.

I like it also because it is small. They only took 10 of us "younger" women and there is about 5-8 of them each week (I think they rotate, maybe). Anyway, we have had three weeks of it so far and I wish I could just stop time while I am there. I wish I could make this last forever because I love it so much. It is so refreshing and the food is really really really good! All together I am not sure there is much in my life that I look forward to right now than my Tuesday nights with these ladies.

I highly recommend anyone to this program. I suppose it needs to be put together well or it wouldn't be so fabulous, but our ladies did/do it top notch each and every week. They go to the extreme and it is so neat and fun! I hope that if you haven't had the opportunity to be a part of it and there is one in your town/church that you will find out more about it. It's that good! And I have learned so much about cooking/baking/being in the kitchen and then of course about being kind, and about being a loving wife and mommy.

Life Lessons from A Chicken...

Tonight as I was preparing Peanut Noodles with Chicken and Vegetables the Lord showed me something neat. ANYtime I cook chicken--ever--I ALWAYS cut all the "yuck" off of it. Jeff always complains that I waste so much chicken, because I am very thorough and make sure that there is NO room for any gristle or fat or skin or anything but WHITE meat nice and neat chicken ends up in our food.

As I was doing this again tonight I realized I am hypocritical, that most of us are, when it comes to things like me with chicken (maybe in your life it is something else) and me with sin. The Lord tells us to flee from sin, remove it all, to hate sin...however, I don't know about you, but I am usually trying to see how close I can get to the line without having to actually be "sinning" in that area. Like some of my youth are constantly asking "how far is too far" or questions similar--always wanting to push the limit, push the envelope.

I think God wishes I was like my cooking-chicken -self when it comes to my sin in my life. I certainly will go to all measures to get rid of all of the yucky on the chicken, even if it means giving up some of the good chicken...but how often do I do this in my personal life? Why do I just scrape the surface if at all instead of getting rid of it all, and being confident in that?

So, tonight as we were eating the dinner, and I had no worries of any yucky chicken, I was challenged to do the same in my spiritual life. To really do a heart check, a sin check, and evaluate where I need to cut deeper and really flee from the sin, instead of just letting it keep me in bondage.

A WHOLE lot of reading going on!

I am currently reading these books:

A Heart Like His by Beth Moore
I am enjoying the book, however, I am doing so many right now, I can't devote a lot of time into it and I just started it. I am about at chapter 3 I think. It is great reading though so far and I am learning from it. It is well written in that it keeps my attention and the chapters are fairly short.

God's Story: Finding Meaning for Your Life Through Knowing God by Anne Graham Lotz
This is what the Spring bible study is for us right now and we will be doing Genesis and Revelation. We are in Genesis now and Tuesday was our first week. So this is my first week of homework, although we are suppose to do 2 weeks worth. It is taking some getting used to, but I think once we get out of the days of Creation it will be a little more enticing and engaging...although not to say I am not learning anything...God definitely speaks through His Word...

Veggie Tales: Bible Storybook by Cindy Kenney
I love this book. We read in it most nights to Jackson (and sometimes Creighton) and have for awhile now. I think we've had it about a year. For certain we've read every story at least 5 times! It doesn't get old to me and not to him either. There are lots of stories...I REALLY like this book. Jackson ADORES Bob the Tomato... and so do I

Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones
We got this book for Christmas because I found it referenced on JMom's blog and although we haven't read in it as much as the aforementioned Bible storybook, we have read a few nights in it and I really like it also. It is a little old for where Jackson is right now but I love it that it always puts the gospel in the story, no matter what the topic was...it is great! The age is for 4 and up though so in a few years I think Jackson and Creighton will really like this one too.

Raising Kids for True Greatness by Tim Kimmel
I started this book a while back and loved what I have read so far...but I need to begin back in it, because I never finished it. I certainly like (so far) what he has to say. I want that...to have Jackson and Creighton be great, not necessarily successful in the world's standards.

Parenting with Love and Logic (birth through six years) by Jim & Charles Fay
I have already read this book cover to cover twice, but I keep it out because I haven't quite not even close or even started mastered the main idea in my daily life with my kids. It all makes so much sense, until I try to use it. The examples don't go far enough. I need like 24/7 hotline I can call when my kids don't follow all the rules like all these kids in the examples :) But it is really great...in theory...we'll see if I can ever get it down

I have these purchased and at my home, but haven't started reading (but excited to start):

ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel
Truly know NOTHING about this book, but I have the book and the CD and the title "had me at hello"...Thankfully I can say Jackson hasn't said this in a "true" situation, but last night I was "singsong"ing a phrase that got louder at the end and he said, "mom, stop screaming"...I am glad I wasn't upset or screaming in any way because if he ever actually said that on the more often than I'd like to admit occasion of me screaming, I'd feel horrible...so, let's just say I need to read this book...and pray that it helps and in the mean time it sits by my nightstand to hopefully learn by osmosis while I am reading all my other books

Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only by Beth Moore
I couldn't wait to get started in this book (I got for Christmas) but with all my homework right now I knew I wouldn't be able to devote much time to it, so I am waiting, but VERY excited about it.

The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden & The Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz
My brother got these books for Jeff and I for Christmas and they are REALLY cool. We haven't actually "read" them yet but we have looked through them and I plan to get on top of looking through them more thoroughly soon...(we'll see how soon that really is)...I think my kids are a little young for majority of the stuff...but its exciting anyway...


I haven't purchased these yet, but NEED to:
The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson
Enough said

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven Five-Week Program for Parents of Two- to Six-Year-Olds by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long
Enough Said...Again

and any other book about how to EFFECTIVELY parent stubborn, strong-willed, just like me children

....oh, and did I mention, I really HATE reading...always have. I don't mind reading a magazine...but I haven't ever been much of a reader of books/novels no matter what they pertain to...oh well...

Under Construction

I don't know how many of you noticed that I was away and so was my blog for a few days. I needed to do some cleaning up within my blog...and so I did. I found that I had some drafts that were duplicates and some posts were not worth leaving up and within some that were, were specific things that I shouldn't have said/needed worded differently.

I had like 218 or so posts to start with and now I am back down to 197, this one being 198, and so I will get to do my "blog anniversary" on my 200th post like I had wanted! So that is good news!

I had wanted to do this for some time and never took the time to do it...and now I know why...it took HOURS and several days to do this! But, it was brought to my attention that I am a daughter of the King, and I am also a wife of a minister and therefore, whether I like it or not, I have to be even more careful about my content, my comments, my depth. I value being "real" so much that I said some things that hurt people, confused people, made people wonder and worry. I need to be more careful because we live our life in a fish bowl---and that has to be okay....even though sometimes it is very hard.

I learned alot about myself though through re-reading all of my posts over the last year. I learned that I am constantly talking about sleep! Sorry to all of you about that :) I value sleep so much and I love to sleep. When people ask Jeff what my hobby is, it is sleeping, and that is exactly what he says :)....But I also learned that I complain an awful lot! That isn't a good thing at all. My "realness" that I prided myself in being, wasn't very appealing to the public eye, and so my apologies for that as well. I will try to do better.

I am very grateful for good friends and for people who care enough about Jeff and I to put us in our place when we are out of line. That isn't always easy...AT ALL, but man, so true is the verse in Proverbs that "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Life is good. I am learning a lot. That is good, not always easy, but good. My sweet husband is so good to me...and I am so in love with him. Going through difficult things together is always a good test of the strength of our marriage and commitment to one another.

The kids are good. Both of them are getting over a cough and ear infections and such, but are being pretty good. I am weaning Creighton off of nursing and as sad as I am about it, I think it will be good for BOTH of us. It does really make me sad though. I have LOVED nursing both of my babies. It is sucha sweet and tender time and noone else gets to EVER experience that closeness like I got to with them. I'll never forget that (I hope!).

I finished up my Seeking Him bible study that I love so much. I miss it...but I am glad that I am able to move beyond a specific study and do some good old fashioned scripture study with the Lord. I am on a 30 day commitment to studying the word and spending quiet time in prayer...I desperately hope to come out on the other side of the 30 days changed and knowing the importance of that daily time and cherishing that time so much that I can't not continue in it every day. I want desperately to be different. To be sold out for Christ. I want the Lord's joy to be my joy...even when being a wife and a mommy and a christian for that matter gets tough!

I am so thankful for my friends and family!

Seeking Him

I have been meaning/wanting to write about the bible study that I have been in and just haven't done it. However, I was asked to speak tomorrow in front of all of the ladies at Tuesday Morning Bible Study--to give a brief devotion/explanation of our study and what the Lord has shown me...so here is what I plan to say...or atleast what I wrote tonight. (I am SO nervous) * If you don't get this from the "speech" below, I HIGHLY recommend this book even if you don't have a group to do it together with. It is awesome...

The women’s bible study that we have been doing for the past 8 weeks is called Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival (by Nancy Leigh DeMoss). When I signed up for fall bible study late this summer, I didn’t care what it was, what it was going to be about, who wrote it, or anything except that there was going to be childcare, and for 2 hours every week I could have adult conversation and not have to worry about my two babies. That was my attitude towards just about anything: I would “serve” anywhere or “be taught” just about anything as long as it meant I would be childfree for a few hours.

No, really I was in a pit. A valley. Darkness. Far from God. Far from everything I “knew” in my head was right. The scary part is that I still don’t know when I got there or even how. On the outside I could fake it with the best of them, at least in public anyway. However, in my heart of hearts and in my home with the three people I love most dearly in the world, and in my alone time with my thoughts, I was too far into the valley to even try to fake it. I was angry, bitter, cold, tired, lazy, full of emotion and emotionless all at the same time. I was lost in my heart because I had lost my first love.

So, like I said when I signed up for “Seeking Him” it didn’t dawn on me really that that was precisely what the Lord was screaming for me to be doing. As time drew closer for the study to begin, the Lord’s cries for my heart began sinking in. I knew where I stood and that it was far from where I should be. I knew that I was in a deep valley and I knew that I was ready to get out. I knew that seeking the Lord would be a good first step since He says in Jeremiah 29:

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Seeking Him with all of my heart is EXACTLY what I needed and began to truly desire to do. The neatest thing is months ago He laid this bible study on the heart’s of our Women’s Ministry team. Maybe it was also for someone else, and I hope that it is/was, but regardless, I KNOW that the Lord had Courtney Berg in mind when He allowed for this study to be here at Grace this fall. Our first memory verse of the book was Hosea 10:12 “…for it is time to seek the Lord…” and in deed, it was!

Throughout these past eight weeks, we have studied what personal revival means, how to get there, and then what to do with it. More specifically, we’ve covered deep personal issues including: humility, honesty, repentance, grace, holiness, and obedience. This study has asked the tough questions, tougher than any accountability partner ever has. I feel challenged in every area that we have covered in all aspects of my being: emotionally, physically, and of course, spiritually.

My steps out of the valley have been hard, but so worth it. I am so excited about this study. I am excited about the things that will come of it within me, within Women’s Ministry, within Grace and within the Kingdom Church that is inclusive of all believers. I know I have a long way to go and I plan to revisit each of these steps to revival until Heaven. It has been life changing for me. However, the greatest part of this study is that I think whether you are in a similar valley as I was, or whether you have it all together, this study will meet you where you are, wherever that is, and change you; to make you look more like the Image we were created in. I am far from a complete personal revival in its entirety, however, every week, I make progress. Sometimes it looks like one step forward, and two steps back, but I am seeking my Savior, my friend, My God. And He is bringing me back from the place where I was in “exile.”

I am very thankful that He says “my valley of exile” was where He carried me. He was watching over me and knew where I was physically, mentally, and spiritually. He was waiting for me to seek Him with my whole heart so He could bring me back, so I could be united with Him again…and have personal revival with Our Awesome Lord—and I’ll tell you…there is JOY in that!

Not defeated, but pretty bummed

I knew that because of my willingness and pursuit of God and to be changed that the devil would try all of his best moves to get me, to get to me, to knock me down....well I must say, at most of the "tests" today I probably failed, but as he certainly aided in knocking me down, he didn't knock me out and I am still here, still ready, still runnnnnnning to the cross. I must say that I am a little nervous because I dont really want to fight Satan in the process, but I also know that if Satan isn't involved in trying to defeat me, then I must not be running hard enough to the cross. I know that he doesn't like it for one second that I have come out of the chains he led me to believe I was in. I am free. I will not be binded by who I was, the old me, the habits of my sinful nature. But like I said, in my mini quizzes today, some of the time I faired well and the others I failed miserably. I do know that my God is bigger than Satan and that He (God) is looking out for me and helping me and guiding me through this because of my dust-yourself-off-get-back-up-and-do-better-next-time attitude and approach today. I will be the first person to know and tell you when I screw up, but it is unlike me to not let that get to me. I kinda like this newness!
One of my failures was that I got a speeding ticket today. I am horrible at obeying that ONE law. It seems like on everythign else I am OVERboard strict on, but Satan has definitely led me to believe that "a little over" won't hurt anything, to which that has grown to my incredibly heavy lead foot! I was caught red handed (not paying attention) and going 41 in a 20 mph school zone. (to my defense, it was 40 when it isn't a school time (and i was 12 minutes shy of being out of that time frame)). But I was very upset by this and thought some things I shouldn't have and when I made it to the gym (20 minutes late) I said a word that could have ruined my witness completely with one of my players the Lord has placed on my heart to really reach out to...I hate that THE MOST of today...well...
actually I was pretty ugly to my husband today and I actually hate that all the more!

Being vulnerable isn't easy for me, but I have seen over the course of the last month that honesty and humility is just what THE Doctor ordered for me....so there you go!

Here is to hoping that whatever Satan throws my way tomorrow, I can handle with a Galatians 5:22 heart/attitude/character.

Seeking God

I am doing a new fall study as of this morning. It is called Seeking God--about personal revival. Man, do I ever need personal revival. I, as of just this past week or so, am getting out of the biggest spiritual valley I have ever been in prior to beginning of my salvation at 19. I know this is THE study that God wants me in right now and He has already begun a good work in me...I am excited! That is a HUGE thing for me right now. He taught me a lot just this morning in 30 minutes or so. I am truly thrilled to be where I am...open, broken, ready to be plowed, harrowed, receive seed, be watered and hopefully grow! I know that God will and can do big things with and through me if I will let Him. But I just haven't let him in so long. I am excited to see where this leads and what turns and bumps and hills and valleys come up ahead. It will be neat, not neat in the structure and way it goes I am sure, but neat in that God's ways are huge and big and exciting...
Oh please pray for me. God is on to something big here...and I get to be a part...I want to be a part, but I know me...and without prayer, this thing won't happen. So, please join in praying for me, for my heart, for my part in whatever it is God has up His sleeve :)

Scattered Honesty

I "read" the Bible online this morning before I went off to VBS and it was good, however, I still didn't have an amazing day, which is fine, it isn't like a bad day ward off just for reading...but it was funny, because the Lord is tired of me right now...well not me really but certainly my attitude and I was definitely disciplined and firmly and sternly put in my place...but I must say I haven't fully committed to being where He is leading me and where He wants me, yet...but I will. I know it. I am slowly moving there....It is just hard to hear that my ways, and the ME has to go....oh I am so selfish and lazy and so many other things, and I need desperately to let go of that....to be different, to be like Christ.
I was reading in Colossians and it was so very very fitting...too fitting really for me. I was really slapped with the Word and of course, you know that wasn't what I was expecting or what I wanted to happpen. I was just like testing God almost (hindsight) to see if He'd make my day better because I lazily spent "time" with Him...He wants all of me and I certainly didn't give him that. I am trying to convince myself to spend time with him tomorrow morning before VBS (before the kids get up). I hope I do. I honestly do'nt know if I will or not. But lets say I know I need to and I know it is my goal.
Well, there is me, my realness out there, my dirty laundry...but I needed it to be out there, even if noone reads it or cares, I know it is out there and I hope that atleast one of you will hold me accountable verbally or through thoughts and prayers...

My day today has ended on a good note...ladies night out tonight and some serious music therapy have done me well....

Selfishness vs. Sacrifice

Bible study today was awesome. The Beth Moore study on Daniel is incredible. Its odd though because it isn't her typical bible study...but today was great and this past weeks homework was great. Her video today was definitely from somewhere deeper within her than could be from her alone...the Lord was all over it. I don't have my book in front of me with all my notes I took, but I was so challenged today...I am still processing it all though and haven't really had the opportunity to really know exactly what it is I am going to do about it all...ie, how I will apply it. The application part is the challenging part of it all...she was talking about selfishness and how we will miss our calling if we are selfish and how the world in which we live, and especially the culture in which we liveis constantly telling us to be selfish and that we shoul dhave what we want, when we want it and how we want it...but that isn't at all what God's plan is and if we give in to that lie then we will miss our calling...We were called to be living sacrifices (if I remember right it is from Romans 12:1) and that the antichrist is demolishing daily sacrfices like Antiochus did in Daniel...and how that is what he is trying to do is make us forget the daily sacrifice that we personally are. Its so big of a thought that I can barely wrap my tiny brain around it...but I am trying. I want to get it. I want to be it. I want to do it. I want to not be selfish...I want to be sacrificial...and be that living sacrifice. I know that I want that...but it is hard. And that is something else she said...if you aren't doing anything to deter it, you will be selfish, plain and simple. Motherhood has been the best thing to show me just how selfish I really am, and I have had to be selfless so many millions of times already and I know I will continue to be with them, but I want to be in my everything. However, this is where it gets really really hard to apply, because I feel I am so selfless in being a mother, that in everything else I should be able to do "something" for myself...but that wasn't promised us, nor is that even close to what the Word says is for us. I remember memorizing this verse at kamp in volleyball in Mark 10:35 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be serve, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many." He did it. My selfish me wants desperately to say, well, He was God, he was perfect, and he knew he only had to do it for 33 years. I am not God, am far from perfect and only God knows how many my days are numbered...I could be 90 or older :) I am just being real here, real and honest and vulnerable for sure. I don't get it all. BUT...I want to. I want to be different. I want to be something I am not right now...something I have never fully been before. I don't want to wait till I am done being a tired mommy...because that day may NEVER come (sure seems like it).
Anyway....I wanted to get that all down and out...it was for me really...but maybe someone else will gain some insight or atleast questions from it. Who really knows with my head and thinking if you even followed it (especially since it was written in 2 parts on 2 seperate days...I could'nt finish the first time I sat down and I never made it back to the computer till today).

I am thankful for my comittment to learn that I made...because I am learning and that is good.

thankful

i forgot to post a thankful for today and yesterday

i am thankful for jeff who did the dishes and helped out alot yesterday and today

i am thankful that i got to opportunity to do some of my bible study and that the Lord continues to teach me new things through Daniel.

A busy but good 2 days

I had every intention of blogging and really, I had so much to say and now that I finally got around to it, I can't remember much of it. Anyway, I made it...and if I do say so myself, with flying colors. I enjoyed myself and proved to myself that I can do it (not alone, because God was definitely with me). Jeff decided back and forth about whether or not he was coming home tonight or tomorrow and I believe I just heard the garage door...so apparently he decided he missed us too much to stay :). Classes were over but he was going to stay to write some of his papers in the "peace and quiet."

While he was gone, we made it to Bible Study on time...as in I was there like almost 10 minutes before they started the video...yeah me! Really the only reason was Jackson has started to wake up earlier this week...which kinda stinks because I am the opposite of a morning person in all aspects...but it helps when you have somewhere to be. I enjoyed bible study and truly knew that the Lord had a word for me...it was Beth Moore and she was talking about "when the 'strong one' isn't there to lean on and follow you have to step up yourself and be the strong one. " It was really in reference in the book of Daniel when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were confronted by King Nebechadnezzer about worshipping the idol without the leadership of their 'strong one' Daniel....when the opportunity to was set up they had to step up...and that was what I feel the Lord was saying to me even though it wasn't as crazy or spiritual maybe as in Daniel...but that I had to step up...and I did. There is a sign that I saw a few months ago and I wanted to get it for myself for times such as this week. It stated "Put on your big girl panties and get over it!"....

Anyway, we played at the park after bible study because the Lord blessed us with a beautiful day!! The weather finally was warm enough to be outside and so we did that! After naptime, we went on a walk....I put Creighton in the carrier and buckled Jackson in the wagon and we went to the park in our neighborhood and we had fun. Jackson of course was my little dare devil the whole time....he scared me....and for the first time I think as his mommy I had this crazy sense of fright because there were all these bigger (like 8-10 years) boys that he ran over to, far from me and they surrounded him and looked like thye were going to jump him...its so scary to trust him to the world...big lesson...well not trust him to the world, but rather while we are in it I have to trust the Lord to watch over him. I sure hope he empowered his best, mightiest, strongest, fastest and most awesome guardian angel to be Jackson's....he needs it!

We had dinner at the Howzes and that was fun...albeit kinda crazy with 4 little ones running around and trying to eat together...well 3 anda baby. I am so blessed by my friendship with Kara and her family. Jackson adores Aidan and Emma and actually he has learned to say Aidan's name (I think). One of the few on the list for him and how cute is it that she is one of them! Anyway, God truly has blessed me with crossing our paths...

That was all yesterday....today Jackson (again) got up earlier than normal...which I didn't care for, but it was fine. We had plenty of time to get him ready and AGAIN we were on time to something...and rare oddity in the life of Courtney Berg. I do though enjoy being on time to things...it was a great sense of accomplishment...hahah...that is funny. Anyway, he had a GREAT day at school! Yeah yeah yeah! No biting, good nap, ate all his food....yeah Jax! While he was at school I had lunch with a friend of mine and then she watched Creighton while I went to get my second Christmas massage. Samantha Lin is fabulous...it was wonderful and then some! One whole hour, kidless and in heaven on earth relaxing and warm. Oh it was good.

Then after I picked up Jackson we went to the park again with Kara and the kids because it was a GORGEOUS day out again....I am very very thankful for the weather! We had a good time adn came home and Jackson took a nap...
Creighton had sorta a rough day and threw up like 2 times and had snot just pouring out her poor nose...I think the whole US has colds right now....or worse. Every baby in town seems to be sick. Its awful.

My parents came up to have dinner with us tonight so that was good! Free dinner and help with the kids for a few hours. They helped me get Jackson down...really they just stayed till I got him down...and then they left. It was fine and I am gald they came up! It was nice to see them.

And then I got Rae down and hopefully she'll sleep well again tonight..last night she slept from 9:30-5:40....:)happy mom...but I didn't sleep hardly at all, but now that Jeff is back hopefully I can rest...I was worried all night because I kept hearing noises...but now he's the man home and I don't have to worry so much...

He has to work all day tomorrow on school again...but I am okay with that....I am in a great mood and feeling great too! Tired, much! But, I am good....and I am confident in myself and in my God!

I am thankful that Jeff got home safely adn that I made it sanely..and for the weather...and for Jackson who is getting so big and old!

by the way, those boys didn't "jump" Jackson they were nice to him....praise the Lord
another by the way, thank you to all of you who encouraged me and prayed for me this week...it was heard and answered and much appreciated!

welcome to the blog world darci!

Bible Study

I love Beth Moore Bible studies because they are just great. She is passionate about what she teaches and that excites me. WE are doing Daniel right now (just started today) and it is like 12 weeks or so I think. I am really hoping that Iam able to stay up to date with the homework and videos...that is my goal atleast.
I was late this morning, but I don't think I missed but only a few minutes. It seriously just isn't possible for me to get there at 9. If my kids were more normal (and believe me I am glad they aren't in this area) and woke up at like 7:30 or whatever, then it'd be more feasible, but I can't bring myself to wake Jackson up before he gets up on his own. His sleep time is way too valuable to me. Then of course, the days when I am in a hurry he takes his sweet time to eat breakfast and get ready, but oh well. I was ready and if I could have left my kids at home, I would hvae been on time...that is a start. I hate it that they are showing the videos first becasue that means I miss parts....which I don't like. I wish they had the small group thing first but oh well. I invited my friend A to come adn I think she is goign ot come next week. So that is good.

I don't really have any fun new or exciting news to blog about today...this one is rather boring I guess.
I am thankful for the bible study....my prayer request attached to that is that I woul dfind time to do the homework...

P and Jackson

I didn't post yesterday because I wasn't feeling well and my kids were crazy and fussy all day and I was wiped out. Jackson has been a maniac lately. My in-laws left sunday morning and I had my parents come up (because they wanted to see the kids too) because I wasn't feeling well enough to be able to handle them when they were like they were...they were a handful for all of us the entire time. Jeff had a youth event for parents last night and I went ot help out and be there to support him and they had kid care there too...so that was nice. Jackson was kinda naughty there too they said...I think he was very spoiled over the weekend, he's not feeling great, and he was very tired...all excuses yes, but valid ones I suppose.

Today at school he bit P again....this time they said he bit his finger...in Jackson's defense, I'd probably bite down if someone stuck their finger in my mouth too....they keep telling us we need to work on the biting at home...but he doesn't bite anyone but P...so I don't knwo what to do. They (the teachers) think P is just an angel...but surely he's doing something to egg Jackson on or frustrate him or something....I don't know. Besides biting P, he has been naughty shoving, throwing and hitting with toys. He doesn't really do it much with just me and Creighton at home, but I guess with other kids he does, because he did tonight when Emma and Aidan were here. Poor Aidan too...I ran into her and she bumped her head and it immediately turned blue and swollen because she kit the corner of the door frame right on one of her blood vessles I think. The kids were funny and they were loud too. THey all liked playing on Jackson's new climber/slide. It was too cute. I was glad to have girl company/conversation.

Tomorrow I have bible study really early too...not excited about the early part, but really excited about the bible study/fellowship time (and not too bad to be away from kids for an hour and a half too).

Well, I have a huge headache adn I am very tired because Creighton has a stuffy nose so she hasn't been sleeping well and I have had a sore throat and my ears are hurting too now...I hope I am not gettinga sinus infection (the doc said they weren't contagious---she better be right). I hope Jackson is feeling bettter soon and maybe he'll return to normal....and hopefully sweet.

I forgot to post a "thankful for" the last time I posted so I'll post two today:
I am thankful for my friend Kara who let me borrow all her maternity clothes, and I finally got my closet cleaned out and returned them to her tonight (and I am thankful for my friend Kara for lots of other reasons too)
And, I am thankful for my husband who has been a huge help to me today in getting the house picked up!