Bible study today was awesome. The Beth Moore study on Daniel is incredible. Its odd though because it isn't her typical bible study...but today was great and this past weeks homework was great. Her video today was definitely from somewhere deeper within her than could be from her alone...the Lord was all over it. I don't have my book in front of me with all my notes I took, but I was so challenged today...I am still processing it all though and haven't really had the opportunity to really know exactly what it is I am going to do about it all...ie, how I will apply it. The application part is the challenging part of it all...she was talking about selfishness and how we will miss our calling if we are selfish and how the world in which we live, and especially the culture in which we liveis constantly telling us to be selfish and that we shoul dhave what we want, when we want it and how we want it...but that isn't at all what God's plan is and if we give in to that lie then we will miss our calling...We were called to be living sacrifices (if I remember right it is from Romans 12:1) and that the antichrist is demolishing daily sacrfices like Antiochus did in Daniel...and how that is what he is trying to do is make us forget the daily sacrifice that we personally are. Its so big of a thought that I can barely wrap my tiny brain around it...but I am trying. I want to get it. I want to be it. I want to do it. I want to not be selfish...I want to be sacrificial...and be that living sacrifice. I know that I want that...but it is hard. And that is something else she said...if you aren't doing anything to deter it, you will be selfish, plain and simple. Motherhood has been the best thing to show me just how selfish I really am, and I have had to be selfless so many millions of times already and I know I will continue to be with them, but I want to be in my everything. However, this is where it gets really really hard to apply, because I feel I am so selfless in being a mother, that in everything else I should be able to do "something" for myself...but that wasn't promised us, nor is that even close to what the Word says is for us. I remember memorizing this verse at kamp in volleyball in Mark 10:35 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be serve, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many." He did it. My selfish me wants desperately to say, well, He was God, he was perfect, and he knew he only had to do it for 33 years. I am not God, am far from perfect and only God knows how many my days are numbered...I could be 90 or older :) I am just being real here, real and honest and vulnerable for sure. I don't get it all. BUT...I want to. I want to be different. I want to be something I am not right now...something I have never fully been before. I don't want to wait till I am done being a tired mommy...because that day may NEVER come (sure seems like it).
Anyway....I wanted to get that all down and out...it was for me really...but maybe someone else will gain some insight or atleast questions from it. Who really knows with my head and thinking if you even followed it (especially since it was written in 2 parts on 2 seperate days...I could'nt finish the first time I sat down and I never made it back to the computer till today).
I am thankful for my comittment to learn that I made...because I am learning and that is good.
3 comments:
Just remember-- being so selfless that you neglect yourself is selfish. You still need time to care for yourself, which benefits your family.
I am doing Daniel right now too- it is incredible! This is probably my favorite Beth Moore study!
I totally agree on the part about feeling like you are so selfless with your mothering that in everything else you get selfish. I am the same way and didn't even realize it until you put it in those words!! Thanks for the insight, I watched the same video at the same time and it certainly didn't hit me that hard.
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