Friday, September 19, 2008

In the dumps...

I just commented on Dalene's post Seaworthy and decided I'd blog finally on my own about it.

I am just in the dumps. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally. Every "-lly" there is right now. I hate it.

You know I KNOW not to write that things are going just peachy, because then they will certainly not remain that way, but I did. And they didn't.

To say I am barely hanging on is an understatement. I don't really know what I am holding on to, or how, but I find that I am still able to breathe, even on the days I wish I wasn't, or feel incapable to do so. Somehow I am still functioning on the outside. At least enough for most to not notice that something is very wrong on the inside.

I've been to the doctor. She said my blood work is all normal. But my headaches are of some concern (22 days straight with no let up and no amount of Tylenol or Motrin even touches it). So, if I can find the money to have a CAT scan then that is the next step. I've had a massage to see if that would help. I have tried spending money, but that only made it worse. I've tried exercise, and that almost makes it worse. I've tried loving, no help. I've tried bitterness and rage and short temper, and of course that sent me back a few hundred steps in healing anything. I am just in the dumps and don't have a "pic-axe and rope" to save my life.

My sweet hubby took the kids to Enid today and won't be back till Saturday night or Sunday morning. Maybe, just maybe, this will allow me some rest (which was my diagnosis by the way: Sleep Deprivation) and get my house in order (also causing much distress in my mind) and spend some time with my Jesus (because I know if I just would REALLY go there, I'd be okay).

5 comments:

Dalene said...

Courtney,

I'm so sorry that you're in a valley. I'm sure that having a weekend to yourself will help, as will your time in the WORD. I'm going to clean house, read, spend some time in prayer, and try to get in a few hours of exercise and worship.

I feel like I'm a character in Pilgrim's Progress right now, as are you. This is all part of the journey. Hold on to that plank. The storm will not overtake you!

I would love to get together for a pow-wow.

Lu said...

I hope you get the much needed rest and peace. I'm sorry you're feeling so down... Enjoy your childless, quiet weekend. Do stuff you enjoy and rest lots! I'll be praying for you this weekend!

rachel white said...

courtney, go get acupuncture. do it now. and start going as regularly as you can afford to.

there used to be a place in the tiny "strip mall" where ashley grace used to be. hope it's still there.

i will be praying for peace and rest and calm. and for your everlasting headache to go away. blessings to you!!!

Kathryn Chambers said...

Please, Please call me when you feel this way! I know this feeling all too well...You are most definately not alone. I could tell it in your voice when you called me the other day.

My mom always tells me that God will never give me more than I can bear. This is true, although it does not help much during the bearing times. But the upside is, things always get better. I know this as well. She also tells me that you have to ask for help. So ask for help. You know that you have a group of friends that is willing to help. Call me, I will take your kids for the morning or afternoon, and you can just chill.

So cheer up. Sometimes just faking it makes me feel better. Pretty yourself up, ask for help, and figure out what those headaches are all about! Someone suggested acupuncture, I go to a chiropractor.

And remember that through all of this, God loves you. Your family loves you. Your friends love you.

Love you! Have a great--and upside day.

Sarah said...

Ok, I've been in a funk too. I took a day off work for a "Mental Health Day." This time of year is always hard for me. Don't know why, but it is.

And your headaches, did you try sudafed? Sometimes my headaches are sinus pressure and nothing else works. Even some Claritin-D helps. That ragweed is really high.. . . . .