I am just in the dumps. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally. Every "-lly" there is right now. I hate it.
You know I KNOW not to write that things are going just peachy, because then they will certainly not remain that way, but I did. And they didn't.
To say I am barely hanging on is an understatement. I don't really know what I am holding on to, or how, but I find that I am still able to breathe, even on the days I wish I wasn't, or feel incapable to do so. Somehow I am still functioning on the outside. At least enough for most to not notice that something is very wrong on the inside.
I've been to the doctor. She said my blood work is all normal. But my headaches are of some concern (22 days straight with no let up and no amount of Tylenol or Motrin even touches it). So, if I can find the money to have a CAT scan then that is the next step. I've had a massage to see if that would help. I have tried spending money, but that only made it worse. I've tried exercise, and that almost makes it worse. I've tried loving, no help. I've tried bitterness and rage and short temper, and of course that sent me back a few
My sweet hubby took the kids to Enid today and won't be back till Saturday night or Sunday morning. Maybe, just maybe, this will allow me some rest (which was my diagnosis by the way: Sleep Deprivation) and get my house in order (also causing much distress in my mind) and spend some time with my Jesus (because I know if I just would REALLY go there, I'd be okay).