And now I sound like I am three

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I had to just get it out.

My son, oh my son...this week has been really hard for us all. He has resisted sleep in all its forms every.single.day. I am so tired of fighting him. I don't know whether to give up, or get tougher. Tonight I think I might explode as he is STILL not asleep and it's been over an hour fight.

Creighton goes to bed SO easily right now and she takes naps. She isn't sleeping as late as I'd like her to in the morning, but I am hoping I may have helped solved the problem with putting up a black out thing in her room.

He is driving me nuts. Spankings, raising my voice, threats, loss of privileges, putting back and putting back and putting back...and STILL nothing...he is still getting out. Still crying. Still calling my name. I can't handle it! I want to scream and beat him, but I know it wouldn't do any good. He is SO tired he can't fall asleep. Without a nap and not getting home till so late just isn't working on Wednesdays.

But I don't know what to do. I can't bail out on my small group and Jeff obviously can't bail out on church...that's his job. And it's my commitment. I do have seniors and am seriously contemplating NOT leading a small group next year for the first time ever. It's just too hard on my kids. I love it though so much.

I hate it that we can't be consistent with our daily lives. Each day is different than the one before and that is hard on me. I am just wiped out and my body aches and hurts ALL over and I am exhausted and grumpy too.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and now I sound like I am three

Middle of the night

I never really sleep well when Jeff is out of town, and well, he left (with Jackson) on Friday. It's just been Creighton and I. We've had a great time together, but she is definitely more of my high maintenance child AND she wakes up at the crack of dawn and hardly slows down for the remainder of it.

Tonight I just feel awful. I woke up at 2a thinking I was going to be sick. Thankfully I wasn't, but I just feel like I did when I was pregnant with Jackson. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT. But I just haven't felt nausea like this in a long time. It is no fun.

When I went to check on her before I went to bed, she was asleep (VERY SOUNDLY) on her floor next to her bed face in the carpet. I have no idea if she was just there, or if she fell off and just ker-plunked there on the floor and never moved.

I got worried just now though when she woke up screaming. The very last thing in the world I wanted to do was to move... But I went to check anyway, and she was fine. She probably just startled herself or something, because I held her for less than a minute and she was out again.

But now I am FULLY awake, because really I never had gone back to sleep at 2. I was contemplating the entire time who I was going to call to come over in the middle of the night to take care of me/her because I felt so incredibly sick. But now I am feeling better (weird) but can't go to sleep. Wonderful.

I suspect she'll be up at 7 on the dot (or earlier) and I might have to crawl out of bed and pretend to be cheerful! Oh well...missing my hubby. And my boy.

Final Update

Things are getting better. The kids are doing better. Jackson is doing amazing now (much better) at going to sleep...and then once he is asleep he is sleeping much more soundly, and of course, he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore either looking for his binky. He asked for it last night, but did okay with the answer. Then today at school (first time back since he gave it up) he told his teachers. We'll see how he does at nap time there. He sometimes struggles there (even with the binky) because they take naps so much earlier than we do at home. But, he got up early this morning so I am hoping for a nap!

Creighton is such a champ at going to bed in her big girl bed. She stays in there pretty well for the most part and sleeps really soundly too. She isn't getting up in the middle of the night and my 6:30 little alarm clock is moving back later each day, but now that it's later she isn't wanting to go back to sleep. So we are adjusting our schedule a bit to get up early with her which is NO fun! But that is okay. Hopefully she'll realize to be a Berg, it requires more sleep! :)

I have been getting more rest now too which is fantastic. That is the good news...bad news is my headaches still aren't going away...so we'll have to see about that. But otherwise, it's looking up and we are getting through this and, all in all, it wasn't so much of a hell week, like I had planned/imagined it being.

Oh yeah, and the cabbage leaves, the Tylenol and of course TIME, all helped tremendously...I am not even pumping anymore and the pain is virtually gone...Praise the Good Lord!!

Humpf!

Psalm 127:2 "In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves. "

Starting to wonder here...I know God loves me, but why then, will he not grant me sleep? Even when there is no one and nothing else in the house to make it not happen, and even with insomnia pills, for crying out loud!

I went to bed at 10p last night, after spending some time in the word/bible study/prayer, and yet I saw the clock at 2, 4, 6, 6:30, 7:20, 8 and finally just got up. I just don't get it. Why?

I want to scream, but I can't because my head hurts too bad. I am a bit peeved. Humpf!

And now I have to go blow a whistle for 3 hours, reffing 3 volleyball matches. Ugh. I thought I'd get a really great night's sleep and it would be fine, but I am thinking I wish I would have just said no. Oh well.

Good news is I get paid I guess! ;)

Of Course...

You know when I went to bed after my "He's listening" post below I could have told you I was doomed....and I was.

I saw EVERY single cotton-picking hour on the clock that night/morning from 9p-9a. It was awful. Neither of them slept, so of course I didn't...but my sweet and darling husband managed to sleep through it ALL! :/

Needless to say I was VERY grouchy yesterday and last night wasn't much better, but at least Jackson didn't wake up till 5a this morning but thankfully went back to sleep (with us of course) till 8:45. Today, I am still rather grouchy but a little less because they are at least at school.

I took Creighton to the doctor last Tuesday to find out she had a really bad ear infection and not so bad ear infection AND a sinus infection. She's been on antibiotics TWICE A DAY religiously since and yet last night she was so so so upset about her ears...she was pulling like mad and screaming like crazy...from 11-12:15 and then from 3-4 until I finally just brought her to bed with me, which happened to be the miracle cure...or maybe it was all the Tylenol I gave her...because she slept great till 7:15 and then I nursed her and she went back to sleep till 9.

Jackson has been talking a lot about monsters lately...and it absolutely breaks my heart because I can be immobilized at times by my fears at night and I hate it that he might have that too. He was talking with Jeff in the shower last night about his previous night's sleeplessness and he was saying there was a monster and he began describing him and says he is on his wall. I hate that for him SO much. Any advice on how to get past this with him? He has a night light on already and a fan for noise so he doesn't hear outside noises and/or Creighton's cries. It just breaks me really to think of his fears!

Anyway, I desperately need to get some rest...I decided that I absolutely could NOT get pregnant again just for the sole reason of I wouldn't make it another year without sleep...really, I wouldn't! My depths of my being just canNOT function without it. I heard a commercial that man can survive 12 days without sleep...that is a load of bull! I wouldn't make it past the 2nd day...

Sorry for my complaining...I am just severely in a funk!

I am going to have lunch with one of my small group girls though and I visited one of my other ones this morning who had surgery yesterday and so that helped and I hope my lunch helps lift my mood (and helps me feel I have purpose again)...

Good day y'all...and Baby A is a whole week old today!!! :)---when I think of this I hate that I typed any of the above with any complain in my voice because I do have healthy babies...and I do know that I am so blessed! Forgive my complaining