So far...Day 2

Last night went astonishingly well! After I posted I went to bed (well about an hour later). I didn't sleep incredibly well, but I did get some rest. Creighton woke up about 6:30 and was very upset I wouldn't nurse her, but I held her and kissed her and talked to her and sang to her in her bed for about 10 minutes until she calmed down and then I laid with her for about 5. I left the room and she cried for about 2 minutes and went back to sleep till close to 9. A miracle! She of course has asked through the morning and day today and again at nap time was pretty upset, but so far she is staying in her room with the lights off and is somewhat quiet. At one point this morning though she told me, "Mommy I don't like you!" about 6 times in a row and I thought my heart might literally break in two. But then about 20 minutes later she told me she loved me and all was well in her world again... ...oh yeah, and she is now sleeping in her big girl bed and very happy about it...she hasn't even looked at her crib. So funny. I just checked on her and she is out! YEAHHHHHHHHH

Jackson slept through the night and didn't wake up once (at least didn't get up) until 8:30ish. He was fine this morning. Today before nap he said he'd like to be a baby again so he could have his binkies back. I told him they were gone forever and he was pretty sad. He isn't in his bed and his lights are on, but he is playing quietly in his room, so I can handle that... ...well I am fighting him now to stay in his room, and I am not quite okay with that. It's like he physically does not know how to fall asleep without it. I feel so bad for him.

My chest hurts tremendously, as it has now been 32 hours since the last time I nursed her. I have an ice pack I am about to use and also going to take the Tylenol. I haven't taken any of the drugs the OB gave me for my emotional well-being, so that is something I am glad. I still have them for back up in case something goes wrong or my hormones go nuts.

I am pumping when I can't stand it, but I try to only get a little bit out and then stop. So far I have only pumped 3 times. But going from nursing 6 times a day to none cold turkey, well I guess there will be a little time for that.

This morning was so hard in her room. I knew that I could temporarily "fix" both of our problems by just nursing her. My chest was hurting and engorged and my emotions almost got the best of me. I comforted her in other ways and still spent about the same amount of time with her. It was a sweet time and she was so cute. While I was laying beside her she kept reaching over (about every 10 seconds) to make sure I was still there. I removed the big recliner from her room because that was our "special" place every time we'd nurse. I can't hold her like a baby, but I have to keep her up on my shoulder and I have to be careful how I lay with her (because sometimes we'd lay in bed and nurse). Anyway, this morning was heart wrenching and I was very glad to cuddle up next to Jeff and have him hold me till I finally fell back asleep...

I am tired and hurting but am feeling all the more that this was good timing and the right thing! Whew