Friday, October 17, 2008

Update for Today and Yesterday


I didn't post yesterday about our day, because it was a little rough. Today, however, has been worse. Creighton I believe, as of this evening, has come down with a virus. Great! These are the times when nursing comes in the MOST handy. And now I can't. Or, well, I could, but I am not. I still have plenty of milk in me, although my supply has certainly slowed down.


We went to a friend's surprise party tonight and as we were leaving (of course once I had her strapped in her seat!) she starts profusely vomiting all over herself, her car seat, her costume (we were on the way to the Kiddie Park for the Halloween weekend thing), and it was gross. Since she has gotten sick 2 more times. It's the weirdest thing. Right before she pukes she pinks up in her cheeks and acts a little tired and then she gets sick. Then immediately...as in before we even can get her cleaned up, she is jumping up and down and dancing and singing and acts like NOTHING just happened. It's crazy!


Anyway, I am feeling way low and have been since yesterday. Yesterday morning was THE hardest because I couldn't get her to calm down and all she wanted to do was nurse. She was very very sad and so was I. I was leaking all over the place from being full, her cries, and just really wanting to give in. But I didn't. Eventually I got her to sleep. She did pretty good the rest of the day yesterday without asking much, except for the time when I stupidly decided we all needed to shower and...well, lets just say that was a poor decision on my part for her to SEE them. But, she was fine quickly and went to bed that night great!


She was acting distant and sort of "loner-ish" all day yesterday and today and incredibly cranky. I am thinking now that maybe it was that virus, but because of it I was feeling horrible and second-guessing EVERYthing. It's so hard. I wish I had all the answers. I also wish my little girl wasn't sick. I wish I was still nursing her to comfort her and give her nourishment.


I broke down and gave her a bottle of breastmilk this evening. She took several long sips and then didn't really worry about it much. Which is fine because i don't want her attached to a bottle, but I know that it is great stuff for antivirus stuff for her. She won't take it in a sippy at all or a real cup. Don't know why, but I remember Jackson never would either. They are bottle and boob for breastmilk only!


Jackson is doing remarkably well at night now, but is not napping well at all. It seems to be an every other day nap now. Jeff said he played nicely and quietly in his room today though, so that is good I guess. Yesterday he ended up taking a nap in my bed with me though. He couldn't go down on his own. We'll see what happens with that end.


I know that several months ago when I was considering weaning Creighton, Maria said some stuff about the hormones and depression and stuff that sometimes accompanies that. So, when I was all worked up BEFORE I even started this time I got those meds and I haven't "needed" them all week. Today, I am reconsidering. Haven't yet, but curious if it'd get me out of this funk I am in. I just feel awful and sad and very discouraged in my decisions and very guilty-like. No fun. Oh well.


My good friend Becky is in town and I got to hug her neck tonight and tomorrow I'll get to hang with her for a few hours and that will be great. So I am excited about that. Also, my parents return from a 3 week vacation tomorrow...so that is good news too. Trying to find the good things to look forward to. That always helps!


5 comments:

Becky said...

I'm so glad I got to see you briefly tonight. I hope Creighton feels better. Sorry you missed Kiddie Park. I can't wait to hang out more tomorrow.

Kayla.H said...

I hope Creighton get to felling better!

We are at the Spook-A-Rama at the Kiddie Park and we saw Jeff and Jackson. Jackson was so cute in his Captain Hook costume. Clayton is wearing Captain Hook too but he doesn't have the hook or the hat!

Lu said...

Oh I am empathize with you. The bug started with Chandler and Grayson on Wednesday afternoon and has finally trickled down to me this morning. I think you're right about depression when weening... I think when you nurse, you have certain "happy" hormones as my Mom calls them... Keep trying to stay positive. I'll say a little pray for a GOOD nap, healthy kids and a peaceful Mama!

Mama C said...

Courtney,

I had no idea you were doing all this, and hen to have Creighton get sick on top of it. I'm praying for you!!! Let me know how I can help. I should of asked Jeff today why I didn't see you at church.

It is always hard to let those babies grow up!! I was so bittersweet to not hold them and nurse them...

Hugs to you...

Kat said...

Hang in there. It WILL get easier. It WILL end...eventually! You WILL be able to look back on this and laugh!

You know, those meds are not just emergency use only...usually they take a few days to get into your system...I'm not encouraging their use, just saying, if you think your gonna need 'em, take 'em. Its better than getting so far down its hard to get back up! (I speak from experience here!)

Anyway--love you! Praying for you!