Update for Today and Yesterday

I didn't post yesterday about our day, because it was a little rough. Today, however, has been worse. Creighton I believe, as of this evening, has come down with a virus. Great! These are the times when nursing comes in the MOST handy. And now I can't. Or, well, I could, but I am not. I still have plenty of milk in me, although my supply has certainly slowed down.

We went to a friend's surprise party tonight and as we were leaving (of course once I had her strapped in her seat!) she starts profusely vomiting all over herself, her car seat, her costume (we were on the way to the Kiddie Park for the Halloween weekend thing), and it was gross. Since she has gotten sick 2 more times. It's the weirdest thing. Right before she pukes she pinks up in her cheeks and acts a little tired and then she gets sick. Then immediately...as in before we even can get her cleaned up, she is jumping up and down and dancing and singing and acts like NOTHING just happened. It's crazy!

Anyway, I am feeling way low and have been since yesterday. Yesterday morning was THE hardest because I couldn't get her to calm down and all she wanted to do was nurse. She was very very sad and so was I. I was leaking all over the place from being full, her cries, and just really wanting to give in. But I didn't. Eventually I got her to sleep. She did pretty good the rest of the day yesterday without asking much, except for the time when I stupidly decided we all needed to shower and...well, lets just say that was a poor decision on my part for her to SEE them. But, she was fine quickly and went to bed that night great!

She was acting distant and sort of "loner-ish" all day yesterday and today and incredibly cranky. I am thinking now that maybe it was that virus, but because of it I was feeling horrible and second-guessing EVERYthing. It's so hard. I wish I had all the answers. I also wish my little girl wasn't sick. I wish I was still nursing her to comfort her and give her nourishment.

I broke down and gave her a bottle of breastmilk this evening. She took several long sips and then didn't really worry about it much. Which is fine because i don't want her attached to a bottle, but I know that it is great stuff for antivirus stuff for her. She won't take it in a sippy at all or a real cup. Don't know why, but I remember Jackson never would either. They are bottle and boob for breastmilk only!

Jackson is doing remarkably well at night now, but is not napping well at all. It seems to be an every other day nap now. Jeff said he played nicely and quietly in his room today though, so that is good I guess. Yesterday he ended up taking a nap in my bed with me though. He couldn't go down on his own. We'll see what happens with that end.

I know that several months ago when I was considering weaning Creighton, Maria said some stuff about the hormones and depression and stuff that sometimes accompanies that. So, when I was all worked up BEFORE I even started this time I got those meds and I haven't "needed" them all week. Today, I am reconsidering. Haven't yet, but curious if it'd get me out of this funk I am in. I just feel awful and sad and very discouraged in my decisions and very guilty-like. No fun. Oh well.

My good friend Becky is in town and I got to hug her neck tonight and tomorrow I'll get to hang with her for a few hours and that will be great. So I am excited about that. Also, my parents return from a 3 week vacation tomorrow...so that is good news too. Trying to find the good things to look forward to. That always helps!