Rest, Speed, Dairy, Lovin'

Man oh man....Jeff and I went away this past weekend and it was fabulous. The kids were with the grandparents at our house and were well taken care of, and thus, it was amazing to be away. We went to Dallas and we did not see one person that we knew, not one! For those of you who know us well, that is an amazing thing because we know so many people in the Dallas area and we have had so many kids over the years through kamp/youth ministry from Texas that I was absolutely shocked! It was great! I had Jeff all to myself and our cells don't work (roaming) in Texas and so that was even better. We went to Six Flags all day on Friday and it was lots of fun except that there were 5000 Texas Assoc of Student Council teens there with us...(where the amazing that we didn't see anybody we knew part comes in). Six Flags was great because it was free (we had comp tix) and the weather was nice so it was good to be out in the sun and warmth! On Thursday before we left for Texas Jeff got his cast off and was put into a boot (removable, more comfortable, not smelly--all good things), so that was nice because he was able to walk all over the park and not be in too much discomfort or anything...and he got to shower and that is always a nice thing when you get to spedn time alone with your husband. We were gone from Thursday to Sunday and I truly think that it was the perfect amount of time...although I will admit I wasn't really ready to come home quite yet, but I was very tired of pumping and ready to nurse again--which is so much less painful! I got rest which was fabulous. We had no plans really at all except for Six Flags and we didn' trush out the door to get there at 10...I think we didn't end up getting there till like closer to 1 or so. We ate at Bennigans and they took a while to bring us our food so it was free! :) So free lunch, free fun, Friday was a GOOD DAY! Albeit, we were both EXHAUSTED by 10pm when we left and by 11+ when we arrived back at the hotel.
Saturday we were super lazy and I slept till like 11 and then still didn't leave the hotel till like 1 or so. Then we went out to the Traders Village which I can't explain why I like them because I hardly ever buy anything, but I love going to those things and we were there from like 2-6. Then we ate an appetizer/snack since we hadn't eaten all day because we had dinner reservations at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I had never been. It was really good food. We got a free dessert because we were celebrating our anniversary (lets just say a little early :)). Regardless, our meal was like 96$...they weren't hurting for money....Jeff's mom treated us to that meal and so it was free to us either way I guess...but anyway...it was nice...and romantic...but we were still at the restaurant at 11pm....holy cow....seriously who is eating dinner at 11pm...but we certainly were not the only ones there....craziness!
We left Sunday to return home and I think that the drives up and back were some of my favorite parts of the trip. I drove every second we were in the car all weekend long and we just got to talk...heart to heart, surface, deep, laugh, giggle, question, sing together, all that my heart wanted...it was just great! and...I must add that there is no need for race car trax in dallas (although there are some really awesome ones--we went to one) because all you have to do is get on the highway and it is real! I loved it. I drove like 80-90 miles an hour most of the time and was like I was in Nascar....IT WAS GREAT! It was my adrenaline rush for awhile...Oh how I would love to go on the Autobahn and just go go go as fast and as long as I wanted...that would be so great. I love going fast....
Anyway....I had a fabulous time and I am "restored" as a mother and as a wife....My kids are beautiful and healthy and I swear they each grew a mile a minute while I was gone. I missed their sweet faces, but I know that I am a better Mommy to them now because I left them. I ca'nt wait till we go again. Maybe like every 4-6 months or so...jsut to go away for 3 nights and get rest and eat whatever I want...(oh man, the dairy I did consume...at EVERY meal was amazing!....)and just get away and remember why I need Jeff and why I fell in love with him and let me fall in love with him all over again. It was fantastic....fantastic. I feel like a new person! It is amazing what sleep, love, fun, speed, & time away can do to a person....can't you just hear it in my voice...well in my words...I haven't felt like this in a long long time.
I could write forever I feel but I am not really saying anything anymore that I haven't already repeated serveral times, so goodbye for now....

Selfishness vs. Sacrifice

Bible study today was awesome. The Beth Moore study on Daniel is incredible. Its odd though because it isn't her typical bible study...but today was great and this past weeks homework was great. Her video today was definitely from somewhere deeper within her than could be from her alone...the Lord was all over it. I don't have my book in front of me with all my notes I took, but I was so challenged today...I am still processing it all though and haven't really had the opportunity to really know exactly what it is I am going to do about it all...ie, how I will apply it. The application part is the challenging part of it all...she was talking about selfishness and how we will miss our calling if we are selfish and how the world in which we live, and especially the culture in which we liveis constantly telling us to be selfish and that we shoul dhave what we want, when we want it and how we want it...but that isn't at all what God's plan is and if we give in to that lie then we will miss our calling...We were called to be living sacrifices (if I remember right it is from Romans 12:1) and that the antichrist is demolishing daily sacrfices like Antiochus did in Daniel...and how that is what he is trying to do is make us forget the daily sacrifice that we personally are. Its so big of a thought that I can barely wrap my tiny brain around it...but I am trying. I want to get it. I want to be it. I want to do it. I want to not be selfish...I want to be sacrificial...and be that living sacrifice. I know that I want that...but it is hard. And that is something else she said...if you aren't doing anything to deter it, you will be selfish, plain and simple. Motherhood has been the best thing to show me just how selfish I really am, and I have had to be selfless so many millions of times already and I know I will continue to be with them, but I want to be in my everything. However, this is where it gets really really hard to apply, because I feel I am so selfless in being a mother, that in everything else I should be able to do "something" for myself...but that wasn't promised us, nor is that even close to what the Word says is for us. I remember memorizing this verse at kamp in volleyball in Mark 10:35 "For even the Son of Man did not come to be serve, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many." He did it. My selfish me wants desperately to say, well, He was God, he was perfect, and he knew he only had to do it for 33 years. I am not God, am far from perfect and only God knows how many my days are numbered...I could be 90 or older :) I am just being real here, real and honest and vulnerable for sure. I don't get it all. BUT...I want to. I want to be different. I want to be something I am not right now...something I have never fully been before. I don't want to wait till I am done being a tired mommy...because that day may NEVER come (sure seems like it).
Anyway....I wanted to get that all down and out...it was for me really...but maybe someone else will gain some insight or atleast questions from it. Who really knows with my head and thinking if you even followed it (especially since it was written in 2 parts on 2 seperate days...I could'nt finish the first time I sat down and I never made it back to the computer till today).

I am thankful for my comittment to learn that I made...because I am learning and that is good.

a lot of nothing

I had a fabulous time at church last Sunday. It was really great just to be there and to be worshipping. Its been so long it seems since I was at church and actually able to enjoy it and relax and BE there in the moment, in the uniqueness, in the presence of the Lord...it was nice. I hope that the kids stay healthy for me this weekend so that I can go again...they also seem to get sick Saturday night...I think the devil enjoys watching me, preying on me, and loves to make it happen so I can't go and worship. I hate that! Fevers and puking for little ones make it not possible to take them to the nursery....therefore, I can't go....I pray for their health every Saturday....well usually most days, but very fervently on Saturdays :) I really wanted to get that on the post, just so I would remember...thanks for listening

I had dairy out the wazhoo last night and it was terrific....we went to Ted's-mexican food-where they give you free queso, chips, salsa, flour tortillas, and sopapillas...that was fabulous! I ate queso like I was a starving child or something...I think literally I had 4 bowls by myself....it was so yummy....and I had cheese on everything I ate (except of course the delicious sopapilla--I had 2). Then later that night we went to Cold Stone...which I was disappointed in for sure, but oh well....oreos and ice cream....
I am shocked that my stomach isn't hurting as bad as I thought it would be...I am doing relatively okay. We went out with our friends Becky and Brent Colaw because they are moving to California in the next week or two. We had a good time...but it is sucha shame that I am so tired because after like 10 I was just in zombie mode...and I was planning on spending time with my husband together at home since we had no kids, but I just fell right asleep...poor him. Oh well...this too shall pass---I swear I hear that almost daily...I think that is my least favorite quote...not because I don't like it...but because EVERYONE uses it and thinks that it just should solve all of my problems...well, it doesn't. UGH! sorry about that little rampage for a split second...I think I am just really tired of everyone throwing that around and at me.

Well this blog was super pointless really but that is okay....by the way...I have left 2 huge picture posts (Easter pics & Family Update) and no one is commenting on them...I like comments...I like to see who is reading...so comment! :) Especially when I leave fun pics behind for all to see... :) (thank you for those of you who do comment, have commented and ahead of time for those of you who will comment now)

I am thankful for my night without children that I was able to sleep through the night...that was amazing!

Easter Pictures!

Easter pictures:

I love my babies...I thought that they were so cute...Creighton's dress was so sweet...too bad she had to wear a sweater over it because it was too cold for no sleeves...who knew...the days prior to the weekend it was 86 degrees! This picture makes me laugh...they were on the little Thomas couch and it tipped sideways on them...it looks funny like they were on a ride together or something.

Jax wanted to show his eggs and his muscles at the same time!

This was the best we got...not too bad considering everyone was hungry and tired and ready to be doing anything but taking a family picture! Oh well I tried. :)

Here is Jackson's first easter egg hunt at a local church in town and it was too cold outside so it was inside....he loved opening the eggs, taking out the candy and trying to eat it...he couldn't have cared any less about the "hunt" or the eggs or anything else...he is one smart cookie!

Here is Jackson "hunting" the eggs but when he found out that none of them opened with candy inside he was quickly bored and Clay and I (my brother) began hurling them at each other and we had a fabulous time doing it! I love my brother! The picture below is like 5 minutes after coming in front the "hunt"...Jackson was in the bed asleep and Jeff was in the computer room I think and I was laying in the bed shortly after I took this picture....:) Easter took it out of us all

Ignore the horrible look on my face and you can see my pretty new outfit....:) I felt pretty in it...although at this point in the afternoon I 'd had it on for too long and you can't see my new shoes...which were/are awesome! I wore them again this Sunday....

I'm back

Our computer is kinda working every now and so that is good enough for me. I love having access to the world beyond my walls...

I miss blogging. I can't wait to add pics...I think that is one of my favorite things--pictures...especially of my babies...I just love them. They looked pretty cute at easter too...:)

Um...okay so its been so long since I've blogged that I have TOO much to say to begin tonight and I am tired so I think I'll try tomorrow.

Jackson is saying "bubbles" now...but it sounds like "BUH-Bool" andit is SOSO cute...that will be my one update for today.

I am thankful for Jeff being just about finished with school...and for sure finished with the majority and no more crazy madness weeks! And also, I am looking forward to the end of the month when I get to go on vacation with my husband....ALONE :>

no computer

I absolutely hate not having a computer with which to attach myself to the outside world, but for now ours is crashed...and this time I am not certain we are getting it back on...atleast I know we have a backup harddrive this time and so I am not insane with craziness of trying to get it to go back on for fear of losing it all. I just wish we hadn't shelled out so much money buying the dumb thing for it to only crash a few days after the warranty expired...our luck!
Anyway, I didn't think I was going to make it through the week on several different occasions...but luckily its almost over and that is refreshing.
My mother-in-law is in town to help and play with the kids which is so nice...I love help and Jackson loves having grandparents around because he gets spoiled. I got a little spoiled this time too because I got a whole new easter outfit for tomorrow: shoes, shirt, skirt, necklace and earrings...yeah me :)
I am tired still right now but I slept last night for like close to 7 hours straight because Terrie got up with Creighton! :)
I am thankful for that and the fact that Jeff has an office computer I can bombard to connect with my computer world.
Happy Easter everybody!

Whining

Well I do believe that single mothers are now my hero...especially if they are single when their kids are babies...I don't know how on earth they do it...except for maybe because they are at work all day and only with their kids for the evening/night and so it makes it seem "better" because they cherish the time they do get with their kids. I am exhausted...beyond exhausted and I hate it that I am because I always am so irrational when I am tired. My body requires like 10 hours of sleep to function...lets see...that happens NEVER when you are a new momma...and so I am sort of just in a crazy state of tiredness and mentally retarded at all times right now. I can't wait for Jeff's sake, my sake and the kids sake for JEff to be finished with his masters...it will be so nice to actually have a husband and a daddy again. Seriously I don't know how he is surviving either...no sleep and working or writing or reading all the time...till 3-4 in the morning for consistantly 4 days straight...and tomorrow he is reading/writing ALL day from like 9a-midnight trying to get finished up...he has so much due all at the same time....its ridiculous that it is all due on Easter weekend...when everyone is in ministry and the school is a christian university...ugh! Why don't they think through things like that!?
Jackson has begun to notice my deep stress/tired state and has begun to be a "terrible two" a little early. Of course, after I posted he was doing so great in his bed, he has now begun to test me like never before....yesterday I got tired of spanking him so I gave up....I didn't have it in me...he apparently didn't need the nap EVEN THOUGH I DID...He is testing me so much with his whining too...oh...I hate whining...I know some of you are like "well, listen to yourself, woman..." but atleast you don't have to read this, or HEAR it...it just hurts my ears...and God love him, he is a persistent kid...he does NOT give up. Later in life, this will be seen as a super asset and character quality for him, but right now, ugh! I just want to put duck tape on his mouth sometimes...I just wish he could TELL ME what in the world he wanted...it is so frustrating to both of us.
Anyway, sorry for my rantings and complaining and whining...
I am thankful for Our Lord and Savior Jesus and that He is so selfless to have come to die on a cross for us. What an amazing God we serve!
I know that I have no room to complain like do and I am really so blessed....trust me I do KNOW this...I just have to remind myself...alot when I am tired.

Eliot

If you haven't read Eliot's story, please go to his blog and read from the beginning. Matt and Ginny are unbelievable...rather God is powerfully working in them, through them, with them, for them. They have just recently joined with Igniter to produce this film : 99 Balloons It is amazing and worth every second of the 6 minutes and 10 seconds it will take. I know his sweet life has been such a blessing and testimony...

Our computer is down and so I don't have a clue when/how often I will be able to post....but we are all doing well. I hope you enjoyed the posts below full of updates and pics...

April Fools

I wish I had heard those words this morning from 12:30-4:30...but it wasn't a joke...rather a gross reality. I am so thankful that I got sleep the night before because I didn't get any last night. Jeff has big stuff due tomorrow morning and so I thought I'd let him read really late and I stayed up with him to help him stay awake and encourage him. We went to bed about 12:30ish or so. Shortly after that Jackson was up and I didn't know why..but I gave him his binky and blanky and laid him back down and came back to bed, within 30 minutes Creighton was up and hungry so I fed her and put her down and came back to bed only to get right back up less than 5 minutes later to her wailing...so I gave her some tylenol because she seemed very uncomfortable and rocked her and fed her some more(for about 45 more minutes)...she wasn't really finished when I heard jackson crying for me again. So I put her in her bed and prayed she'd go to sleep (which eventually she did). I went to check on him and there it was....the grossest (that has to be a word (:) nastiness ever...he puked and it was everywhere...walls, floor, blankets, pillows, blanky, binky, pjs, mattress, EVERYwhere...so I scooped him up and puthim in the tub and thankfully Jeff (who was absolutely amazingly helpful and such a good husband to me and daddy to jackson) got up to help strip the room/bed. Jackson didn't get sick again, which was nice, but it was weird. He didn't run a fever and was just kinda like...okay hurry up I am tired its like 3 in the morning and I want to go to bed. I was the one somewhat "freaking" out that he'd get sick again and I didn't want to put him in his bed and anyway I rocked him for what seemed like an eternity and he wasn't comfortable it seemed so I asked him if he wanted to go to bed and he said yes...so I hesitantly put him in his bed and checked on him like every 5 minutes for about 30 minutes and finally went to bed myself. THankfully he didn't get sick again. I was sad because I really wanted to go to church and had all of our clothes already laid out and everything...oh well. He woke up this morning at 8:10 and my brain was like...NO! But I got up with him anyway. Poor Jeff has sucha long day ahead of him and he is so tired too. He has chruch and then the big True Love Waits event tonight and then he has to finish the 483 page book he has to read and then write a 14 page paper due tomorrow morning at 8am. ...if only April Fools would reign down some joking on all of this for the both of us...but reality is none of it is/was a joke...but we are okay...and we will make it...we always do. Maybe pray for the two of us today though if you think of it.