Thursday, June 12, 2008

Ramblings of a Windblown Momma

Not yet. I know you can hate me...but it has started but it's going to be a big one (or several good sized ones) to get all my thoughts out. Life has still not returned to normal for me and at this point I don't know when that will happen. This week has been a whirlwind of catastrophic proportion. Tomorrow and Saturday are the big annual garage sale at Grace to raise money for the trip we already took (yes, the one I have yet to write about!). So, if you live in Bartlesville, or anywhere near, come on over and spend some money. We actually have some great stuff this year and LOTS of clothes too (many with tags still on).

Today we spent ALL day long getting, sorting, and pricing LOTS and LOTS of things that people are giving to us to sell in the big sale! (thanks everyone who donated their things!) Long long long day. My poor babies spent a ton of time in the church nursery today (sometime with other kids, sometimes just themselves, sometimes with supervision, others without)...

The kids and I spent some good time this week playing. However, Creighton is absolutely driving me nuts. I sent her to school 3 days this week....she is just too much to handle on the exhaustion level I am currently attaining. She wants to nurse! I hate it. I want to stop all together but seriously I don't know how. She cries a lot! A lot! A lot! as it is with me trying to keep her to 3-4 times a day. It is such a battle and a huge one that I have no energy for. It makes me so angry at her (I know this is why I must quit soon...) I feel awful for saying it but it is the truth. I feel I am going to screw her up emotionally or something because she "needs" it so much right now. I don't know what to do?

Jackson is pretty much the sweetest thing EVER though. He is just so helpful and loving and cuddly. He is typical first-born and is a pleaser for sure. He is independent yet dependent enough on us and others (and his blanky and binky) to keep him stable. He is kind and gentle (at least most the time). His heart is gentle and kind and that is what is so sweet about him. He is the cutest thing I have ever seen. His communication skills are skyrocketing exponentially and I love that. He is so smart and doesn't forget a thing. I love this little boy so much!

I do love my little munchkin too, didn't want to sound that I didn't. She is unfortunately just like her mother and so we clash a bit. She is so head strong, independent, stubborn, prideful, and yet at the same time she can be gentle, so needy (dependent on nursing), loving and cuddly, too. She has the world going for her if we can somehow get her to control her radical-ness in "power" and bulldozing the world...(I am still learning). Oh I do love that girl so much, but she scares me...really, the world doesn't need another me...and she might be worse....what on earth do I do with her? I think that is my theme for her. I love her, but the next 16 years (and beyond) are going to be difficult for us both. But I guarantee you this: one day, she'll be someone's in her. I feel it!

i tried but failed 4 times to add pics to this post...going to bed now...sorry


hyperactive lu said...

Bless your heart... Peanut is my first long term nursing experience, so I have never had the pleasure of weening a child. It sounds exhausting and emotional!! I hope you get some rest!

Maria said...

I have the book "How Weaning Happens" that is supposed to be quite useful. I'm only on chapter 2, which is why I say supposed to. If you want to borrow it, I'll overnight it. My suggestion is to do it slowly-- one nursing session at a time. The Boy is slowly giving up a few sessions, which is nice for me, but bittersweet. I think we're down to four or five times a day, but I didn't push him to do it. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you out. Kevin's home now, too, so we need to get together. :)

jeff said...

The world is NOT ready for either of our children... BUT I'm okay with that!! :)

The world needs more world changers and my best buddy and special princess are going to get it done!!

I love you baby and know that "this too shall pass" :)

khowze said...

Hey...sorry about your frustration with Creighton, you know from my recent blog ramblings I am having some of that of my own here. It feels awful to feel awful about something your child is doing (needing). I know Addie needs the reassurance of me at night (she is going through some seperation anxiety)...but I NEED sleep!!
I also wanted to add about Jackson...yes, I agree he is quite the sweetie. I forgot to tell you, but Wednesday at MDO Emma was giving Addie a hug and kiss to say bye and Jackson said "I wan say bye Addie too!" I said Okay and stepped back in the room...he just ran up like he was going to kiss her and stopped just short of doing so, lifted up his hand, said "BYE!" and ran off. It was so cute!!

Nise(Denise) said...

Courtney you are a great mom and so normal. I think in each family their is a child that is more compliant and one that is trying on every level. My youngest is definitely me and very active, strong willed and passionate. I am seeing such strengths now at 14, but there are still those days. I see daylight at the end and can't wait to see what God has in store. You can do this! I never thought I could and I am nearing the end.