And yet, my evening, all of the past three have just been nuts. I think I am spending so much more of my emotional and physical energy with the kids than I have in the past that after about 4, I am just spent. It's awful to think of it that way. I am just exhausted though. I know I haven't been going to bed a decent hour though too, so partly it is that, but wow. I mean...from tornado/storm weather to stress galore with youth/church stuff to wild banshee children (it's like after 4 they feel the same way I do :)) I am just beside myself with how I am going to handle it each and every day. I am wiped out. Spent.
It's good though. I guess. This morning I couldn't take my eyes off my daughter. Seriously. It was crazy. I have always thought she was beautiful, but in a motherly bias sorta way. Today, there was no doubt on earth that she was beaming the Savior's image, her beauty was stunning me to silence and pure awe. I think it's because I have been spending more time with her, knowing her, loving her. I just was soaking it all in. She's gorgeous. She is becoming her own. She is growing up before my very eyes. And I love her. And I know she is gorgeous.
I just hope that we can train her up right. For the time being, I feel as if we've failed her in a lot of ways. She can be downright mean for no reason and sassy and as hardheaded as they could possibly come. She will be a leader one day, no doubt. I just want her to lead the right way, to the right thing. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little scared at this point. It is the hardest thing in the world to get her to do anything that isn't on her time, her thought, her schedule. I am so out of ideas with her. Thank goodness I am not in control. But at the same time I know I do have the responsibility of training her up and guiding her in a direction we feel is right. I MUST get on my knees more often for her. It'll take a miracle! :) But dang, watch out...either way...she's a furious storm, a tornado in her own, a NATURAL