Really?!?

Okay, so I must preface this post with: I haven't yet killed my kids, and I am sure that it is only by the grace of God, or their guardian angels are working extra hard or I am afraid of jail time.



Last night, one of my kids (I think Creighton) threw my cell phone in the toilet. By the time I realized it was there, it has been at least 20 minutes and now is deader than dead. Jackson seemed to begin at this point his new found state of CHILD DEVIL...thoughts of Denis the Menace or Problem Child don't even come close to his state of being at the present time.



He did several things last night that were a little bit crazy, but not completely off kilter. At the moment I am so discouraged as a mom, I can't even remember them...however, today, I remember...boy do I remember.



He was a little pill this morning at church and very defiant. He has learned the terrible question words "what?" "why?" and "where?" and constantly says them, unless of course he just replies incessantly "huh?" to everything I say, whether he hears me or not. We left the church and he said he wanted "pay-O" so I proceeded to Taco Bueno (because that sounded like a good plan). It was a gorgeous day and so I decided when he offered "park?" that I could oblige to that request also. So we went to Bueno, got our food, and were headed to the park. On the way to one park, he suggested we go to the park at Sonic. Creighton had fallen asleep by this point (big bummer) so I decided that Sonic would be good because I could just leave her in the car and be right there by car and be with Jackson at the same time.



Normally I just order Jackson a burrito and sometimes 2, but lately he has taken much delight in MY Mexi-Dip and Chips, so I ordered him a small chips & queso. I thought he'd be so excited and I was proud of myself for remembering (thinking it would make for a peaceful lunch). So, we get to Sonic, get out, leave Creighton sound asleep in the car (with the windows down). Sit down, pull out the food and drinks. I show Jackson that I got him queso and he is excited...he tries to take the lid off (as I was getting something else out) and spilled the ENTIRE cup all over him and the table and the floor and the bench and it was just everywhere. I was immediately mad...because not only was it everywhere, but there were no napkins, the wind was blowing now and causing more mess, and now I would end up sharing. If you have ever tried "sharing" with a two year old (strong willed child) you know that after the first dip, bite, taste, sip of whatever you are sharing, it is just pointless to try to share, but rather just easier to give it all to them (he usually back washes, gets it dirty, destroys...etc).



So, I am very upset, but trying to stay calm. He proceeds to dump then the salsa all over him too (why I didn't learn, I don't know). Then he goes to the playground (after he takes off all his socks/shoes) and gets SO sandy, which is easy to do when you are covered in salsa and queso. We played till Creighton woke up and then left quickly and came home and started lunch again. He never really ate and Creighton didn't. So I gave Creighton her beans and Jackson his burrito and chips. I start doing the dishes and turn around to see Creighton frantically rubbing her eyes, because she had gotten A LOT of beans in them. I get her cleaned up and Jackson was running around by this point (but he did eat at least). I find him after he ripped several books off the bookshelf and overturned his toy toolbox. I decide it is definitely time for ALL of us to take a nap, even though I wasn't for sure if Creighton would take too well to that. I didn't care really at that point



He wasn't happy about going down, but he did (one good thing about the day). I fed Creighton and put her in her crib SCREAMING. She eventually fell asleep. I attempted to put my phone back together to see if it would work. It didn't. I fell asleep for a little while and when I woke up to Creighton screaming again, I felt like I had a hangover (at least what I imagine a hangover to feel!). I brought her back to my room to see if she'd nurse--but really just so I could lay down some more. Not but 4 minutes later, Jackson is up, crying! So, I get back up from bed and go open his door and bring him back to my room.



Things are okay for about 10 minutes with us just being goofy and playing...then the phone rings...the house one and I am tied up for a few minutes. During this time, it had gotten quiet, so I KNEW that wasn't a good thing. I hang up immediately and realize that Jackson has COATED his legs (both of them) in toothpaste. Big mess. Big mess. Big mess! I get it cleaned up and try to figure out where else it was...and the phone rings again.



I am hosting a shower tonight so I felt I had to answer. So, I am on the phone and I get off quickly when I hear Jackson cry. I find them both in the garage COVERED from head to toe (including their clothing and their mouths) in Turtle Wax Color Cover (bright RED). It was all over the garage--little footprints all over the garage, little hand prints all over our NEW WHITE car. I freak out as soon as I realize it isn't paint (the non-toxic stuff that would have been funny instead of serious). I call poison control (whom I proceeded to talk to 6 times) and they inform me that I need to scrub them down and get them some food/drink. I scrub them down in the kitchen sink and then we take a shower. By the time I get them out of the shower Jeff had come home (I called him) and I forgot to get them food/drink. They were ridiculous trying to get them to stay out of the garage while Jeff cleaned up (isn't he great!?). While I was trying to keep them occupied and get them dressed and myself (in between phone calls with the Poison Control) Jackson climbed up on the computer out in the sun room and knocked off Jeff's glass chess set, shattering it everywhere. Really?!? Like is this all seriously happening?

*The Poison Control people said that because she got it in her mouth it could produce chemical induced pneumonia/asthma and that we needed to monitor her all night. She is wheezing really bad and coughing, but I am hoping it isn't the worse case scenario and that she'll be fine by morning!



My very awesome husband starts cleaning up that mess, as I am trying to get ready for the shower. I decide that I needed to take them to get flu shots, because at that point I didn't care that it was going to hurt him, and was hoping it would tame the wild beast that my sweet boy had turned into. (they were giving free flu shots till 6). I left the house at 5:22 and was back home with a vaccinated kid by 5:44.



I rushed to finish getting ready and I left the house to go to my shower, with crazy madness going on because Jeff was still trying to pick up all the glass in the sun room. I lock them in the backyard so Jeff could finish and I could leave. Jeff informed me that our little Houdini took the chair over to the window and climbed in through the window to get into the sun room. Really?! He's 2!



I had a really great time at Kara's shower and was really hoping to come home and find them both in bed.



That, however, was the furthest thing from what I came home to find:


Creighton is WAILING in the living room, and I can hear her from the garage. I open the door to see my husband on the floor trying to soak up 18 eggs shattered on the floor, along with grapes, strawberries, milk, and some other kind of food/drink substance that used to reside in our refrigerator. It was everywhere...from cabinet to wall, under the refrigerator, splashed up on the cabinets, refrigerator, walls...everywhere. Jeff took a picture because he said he was too mad to respond to them, and walking to the room to get a camera was their only saving grace.

That was the first time I saw the pictures...all I can say is I am very thankful that I wasn't home for this. I feel horribly for Jeff having to clean up so many of their messes today. I just am at my wits end with him...and I am certain that I don't have all of the days' incidents recorded here. But that's not all. I put him to bed tonight and then went to feed Creighton to put her down and she went to sleep. As I am shutting her door, I hear him SCREAM out from his room and he's been "down" now for about 15 minutes (and I thought asleep since I hadn't heard a peep from there). I rush in and he is screaming more and more and acting like he is dying. I find the light and turn it on and find him over between his bed and dresser standing holding his hands and shaking them. I pick him up and realized he had tried to unplug his nightlight and must have electrocuted himself and pretty good because he was still screaming and wouldn't let me even look at them. Tears are just streaming down his face and he is still screaming!!! I was horrified and then he finally calmed down. I got him relaxed and settled down and back down to sleep.

I am just in the dumps about my mothering at the moment and don't know WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD.HAPPENED. to my little people today. But I want mine back and will happily give these two back to wherever they came from!