Thursday, May 22, 2008

Off my rocker...

I have NEVER in all my life felt more crazy than I did 5 minutes ago (for the last 14 hours). Well there was one other time where I was completely off my rocker, but this was close. I have never even had a sip of ANYTHING alcoholic in ALL.MY.LIFE., but today I considered becoming one. Forever.

The strange thing is that unlike the other time, today I don't really have a story to along with it. I am just fed up with my children. They have got to be the worst behaved little beings of all time at the moment. After reading several other blogs over the course of the last week, I think there is a signal that cannot be heard by "adult" ears that lets everyone under the age of 5 know that they are suppose to be ungodly in every way imaginable. Maybe this was a birth pain left out of Matthew 24 and the world is really coming to an end before my very eyes (although I believe this to be true anyway).

I recently told someone that I didn't "desperately NEED" (just enjoyed) my kids to go to Mother's Day Out like I did a year ago when I was insane with PPD and literally couldn't function as a mother or a human being.

Well I was straight WRONG! I need it. I crave it. I feel like this very moment I can't live without it and maybe I should go find a job so I can put them there 5 days a week. It hasn't even been a week that I have been back from my fabulous excursion away with my husband, and I want nothing more than to escape reality again for...forever.

Don't get me wrong I love (dearly) my children. Right now, I just don't like them much at all. Thank heavens my husband loves to ride his bike. He has them in tow at the moment on a bike ride so I could try to calm myself down a lot little. Some people try to tell me I will miss this time in life...they are wrong. Others say "this too shall pass" and I think I want to throw stakes at don't tell me that.


Anonymous said...

Oh goodness girl! I definitely won't tell you those things! I am right there with you! I love my kids dearly...but goodness! They can be pills- especially the 3 yr old! I don't EVER regret staying home with them, but some days I just want a few hours by myself everyday! Is that too much to ask?! Ha!

Casey said...

laughing at your candidness!! and praying that tomorrow is much, much better for you & your little people. Praise God for sweet hubbys who quickly recognize when mom is at the end of her rope. My hubby is like that yesterday when he MADE me go get my haircut after sitting in the ER w/ both my kids for 6 hours :) hang in there, sister!

Marci said...

Don't think there is anything to say to make you feel any better! This is just such a HARD stage for kids and I can remember saying over and over, I love my kids, but I don't like them very much right now. It's ok. They are sinful, born sinful. . and we get the FUN job of raising them OUT OF IT (with the help of Jesus)!

You are a great mom and your kids are awesome too- - -but they're just kids, young kids, and we can't expect them to behave like adults- -we would think they were weird if they did.

Hang in there!!

My Goodness said...

Oh we have ALL been there. I recently had a few days where I was ready to throw in the towel. I didn't want to look at my daughter b/c I feared that my eyeballs might shoot sharp objects at her head. Sometimes you don't need to hear 'this too shall pass' just need to vent and be validated.

You did great getting it out there.

I hope your weekend brings improvement.

Sara said...

It's theraputic for me to hear your words because I've had more days like yours in the last month then I've EVER had!

My husband told me the other day, "I'm so glad you stay home with the kids. I couldn't do it. Well....honestly.. I don't WANT to do it."

Yes, it's enough to drive even the toughest insane at times. I won't tell you "this shall pass" or "you'll miss this" because at the moment I would probably throw my hot coffee in someone's face if they even THOUGHT to tell me that.

I like to think Momma's like us are God's favorite...hehehe!

Angel said...

You are a good Mom and friend. I have felt the same way you are now, that is why I have a job, and I love it. The kids love being around other kids, we respect eachother more (kids, husband and me). There are drawbacks to working, but to me, it is worth it.
You have stayed home longer than most even consider.
Your job is 100x harder than mine and most people I know. I will keep praying.

khowze said...

You're funny. And I think that was me you said that to about MDO...why do we actually say these things out loud? It's one thing to think them, but it is so uncanny that the second I actually get confident enough to tell someone how swell things are going with my kids, that's when they become complete monsters. I guess that is God's way of keeping us leaning on Him and not on ourselves!!
Hang in there! (and please don't throw anything at me for saying that!)

Kipplyn said...

Courtney, I think one thing that so many of us love about your is your "realness"! We have all felt that way one day or another. It is the toughest job, but, I believe the most important! You are a great mom and your kids and husband are blessed to have you! It is amazing what sleep deprivation can do to a person! I pray you get a little alone time and a long sleep time! Hope to see you soon!