No-Man

Well Rae Rae left the scene early, but she was outside having TONS of fun until her gloves got too wet, came off and...well that was really bad. She was in hysterics. Then she found my old (non-Rx) glasses and started having fun inside. But...here is what we were doing outside...

Working Hard...and Having Fun.
Jeff rolled the bottom ball and I rolled the middle ball and then Jackson and Jeff did the head.
Jackson was VERY proud of his first 'HOODG NO-Man'

Then we decided it would be fun to decorate. They put the scarf and eyes and smile and arms and a watergun and I put a tiara on it. Jackson decided that would NOT do.

But that he needed HAIR instead on his head. So off the tiara came, lots of twigs and grass and in went some buttons on his belly. Oh yes, and he needed ears. (I think they look like ear muffs...or Mickey...)

Here is our final product! :)

Look how WET he was! It was crazy. He (we) were all soaking wet. It was the best snow ever for packing, playing, and having fun. But it was really wet snow and cold! He was glad to come inside.

This is what happened today as the 'hoodg noman' started to melt. He wanted desperately to put his eyes that had fallen to the ground back in his head. And his mouth. And his ears. And couldn't understand what was happening. But they worked on it together and were very cute. Until they got VERY muddy.

But really...when it makes a kid this cute...look even cuter...AND Happy....how can a mom say no!

What a Voice!

One thing I will share is that I don't watch American Idol. There are lots of reasons, but the main on being we don't have normal TV channels because we only have antennae and it doesn't pick up much. Anyway, all that to say...I had NO CLUE who Mandisa was.

But I do now.

She is awesome. What a voice. What a woman of God. What a testimony. What a God she serves...out loud!

Mandisa has a new CD coming out this week, which I now own (already). Her songs are powerful, not just because she has a voice of an angel, but because the lyrics are awesome...and well, powerful!

Here is a song called He Is With You and it was just too great for any words but the lyrics...

There's a time a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still
And your heart is a stone
Cryin' God, what'd You do that for
He is with you

There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There is a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
He is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't' know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space
And you feel alone
And you're worried if you
Got it right or wrong
Yes He is with you
When you've given up on ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

written by Ronnie Freeman and Cindy Morgan

You have to hear her sing this song...and Victorious...

Confirmation

Confirmation. I love confirmation. The Lord confirmed within me several things this weekend at the EWomen Conference. I went with my mom. It was good. God is good. I might share more in detail later on this week, and I might not. We'll see. But I am hoping the changes and nudges and confirmation will begin to take deep root within me, and that I will look different on the outside (but specifically on the inside).

Thanks Mom.

Just call me Sleepy Jean...

...I need to just cheer up.

Maybe one day I'll write about the events of this evening.

Stacie's Funeral

Stacie Gudenkauf's funeral is today, Tuesday the 17th, at 2pm at Tuxedo Assembly of God. Bartlesville, OK

Multi-tasking!

Yesterday Jeff and I were on our way back in to town, serious conversation underway, when we saw a lady who needed help with her truck. So we pulled around the block and asked what was wrong. Then we decided we could push it to the gas station. I bet it is only 2-4 hundred yards, however, being that it was uphill and the truck HAD to have weighed 12 tons, it felt like, at minimum, a mile.

However, Jeff asked me what my favorite part of the day was yesterday, and this was the brief moment in that span of 24 hours that I truly believed I loved the most. I was with my husband, we continued our very serious conversation, while getting a HECK of a workout, and helping someone out all at the same time. I think my knack for multi-tasking hit new heights! It was fun though, very very hard, but very good. I think it probably took us about 20 minutes or so, but I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Remembering Stacie.

Stacie passed away tonight at 7ish. It's been a long time coming. She's been sick for almost a year. She was in and out of consciousness the past week and on heavy morphine to keep her pain levels down. Now the family needs us more than ever...the job is now really just beginning.

I am sad but I don't think I have really wrapped my thoughts and emotions around it all yet. And then also, I hated it that she was just here suffering.

Cancer is not cool. It downright SUCKS. I hate cancer.

Zoe and Neala should not have to be without a mommy to care for them, nor Luke without a wife to love him. It just isn't 'right' no matter how you slice it.

I loved on my kids tonight. I told them how much I loved them and how special they were to me. I told them it was such an honor to be their mommy and that they mean the world to me. I hugged them, held them, kissed them, sang them to sleep. I couldn't imagine leaving them.

Stacie was a fighter. She held on long past when the doctors said she would be able to. She was a believer. Zoe went to school today knowing at some point, most likely today, she'd lose her mommy. She was at peace with her mommy going to heaven. She is a brave girl. She is a strong girl. Stacie left a legacy. She was a good mommy.

Thank you Stacie for fighting the good fight. Thank you for leaving a legacy for your girls. Thank you for uniting our community. For making us remember. For making us grateful in our circumstances. For your story.

Ps. they've asked that if you are inclined to help in any way that you make checks payable to Bank of Oklahoma (memo: Stacie Gudenkauf) in order to help Luke pay bills upon bills that have, are, and will keep coming.

A little Survey from the Kids...

Several people have posted similar things here recently. This is the second time I have done this but the first time I was in the car and didn't write down any of their answers. It's funny how some of them are the same and some are so different!

I'll post the question and then their answers...Enjoy!

1. How old are you?
Jackson: 4. (I asked "right now?") and he responded "how 4 I am!, I am three!" (he is 3 1/2)
Creighton: Six Seven. (she is 2 1/3)

2. How old is Mommy? (I am 28)
Jackson: 2. You are 2
Creighton: 3

3. What is your favorite color?
Jackson: blue. actually red. actually purple
Creighton: yellow. actually pink

4. What is your favorite snack?
Jackson: Daddy's (I asked what was Daddy's) I don't know
Creighton: Fruities (fruit snacks)

5. What is your favorite meal?
Jackson: Chicken Pot Pie (last time he said Crocodile Chicken--our name for chicken fingers)
Creighton: Chicken Pot Pie

6. What is your favorite drink?
Jackson: Apple Juice
Creighton: Ice Cream. (no, a drink) Oh, A moovie (a smoothie) :)

7. Who is your favorite teacher?
Jackson: Miss Nadine (his teacher is Miss Peggy and he loves her)
Creighton: Miss Peggy (her teacher is Miss Nadine and she loves her too)

**A classic example of wanting what the other has**

8. What is your favorite book?
Jackson: Thomas the Train
Creighton: princess

9. What is your favorite song?
Jackson: Pirates
Creighton: Ariel

10. How old is Daddy?
Jackson: uhh. three
Creighton: one

11. How tall is Daddy?
Jackson: [both arms up] BIG!
Creighton: [one arm up] Big!

12. How tall are you?
Jackson: bigger. I look like my daddy
Creighton: [2 arms up] BIG! umm. no. i little

13.What is your full name?
Jackson: J-K-C-K-S-O-N (again) John Berg
Creighton: Jackson

14. What is your favorite dessert?
Jackson: Chocolate Milk
Creighton: Ice Cream (good thing she is lactose intolerant)

15. Who is your favorite Super Hero?
Jackson: Batman [with a huge smile]
Creighton: I don't have superheroes

16. Who is your favorite Princess?
Jackson: I don't like a princess
Creighton: Belle. She is my hero

17. What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?
Jackson: go on a mission (what kind of mission) Superhero
Creighton: hold you

18. What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?
Jackson: play High School Musical 3 (video on the computer at Jib Jab that has their faces as the characters)
Creighton: Hold me

19. What is your favorite animal?
Jackson: Lion
Creighton: Tiger

20. What do you want for you birthday?
Jackson: Race Track
Creighton: Belle

21. What is your favorite thing to wear?
Jackson: my tuss (tux)
Creighton: my belle dress

22. What does mommy always tell you?
Jackson: Don't do breakable things
Creighton: No, No!

23. What does Daddy always tell you?
Jackson: Black things (??? I have no idea)
Creighton: No!

This was fun...and insightful...and very humorous. I did them one at a time and they seemed to love it. I might have to do it every so often and come up with different questions and such. I love this! :)

Whew... And a mixer

We are back home from Enid. We desperately needed to get out of town and relax and that is JUST what we did. My MIL did an exceptional job of keeping kids entertained and happy so Jeff and I could just "be" and not "do" for a weekend. It was so great.

I think we kinda reversed roles for the weekend and we got to be like the "grandparents" (kiss 'em, hug 'em, leave 'em) and they got to be the "parents" (everything including discipline and naps and baths and meals and bedtime)...

I am glad to be back home in my own bed and back to being Mommy. Jeff has a crazy busy week this week and the first half of next week, but hopefully this weekend energized me enough to make it through well.

I have at least a million things to do today before I have to pick up the kids, so I am needing to get off the computer, but before I go...

Please go check out my friend Jen at http://amazingtrips.blogspot.com/2009/03/favorite-thing-friday.html and donate $5 towards Cancer Research and you have the chance to win a KitchenAid mixer...$350 value. They are running a marathon soon and are raising money for it and she is donating the mixer out of her pocket, in hopes to raise even more money! Great cause, great people. Go do it! It's easy.

Hoo-Ra

I wish I could blog today and say I am chipper and all is well. Neither are true.

I am sick with a cold that is kicking my butt.

My kids are at least trading turns (most of the time) on who will be headstrong and defiant, but defiant and headstrong they press on.

I am tired as sleep is not coming.

Still claiming His promises, but still within a mighty battle. Now physcially as well as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Can I get a hoo-ra?

Waging War Pt. 1

My soul is at battle within itself today, well probably always, but today I feel it like the weight of the world.

I want to take pity on myself and just stay in the funk that has overtaken me.

I want to be selfish.

I want to be poor-me!

I wanted to blog about how my kids are horrible and I feel like the worst mother in the world.

I want to think my life is tough and my days are rough right now.

But the Truth is that my life is very blessed, abundantly blessed.

I know lots of biblical truths, and yet, what I want to focus on is all the bad--the things that aren't even true. But right now I feel overtaken by them. I feel like Satan has me in a choke hold. It's funny because of this battle I feel really weird. Like next to what it must feel like to be bipolar or something. I have this nagging negative feeling and then I feel the Holy Spirit convicting me the very next second.

I haven't yet decided who I will listen to today. I know who I should listen to. But I just don't know that I can yet. Why is that?

The scripture that keeps popping into my head is from Romans 7:15-25

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! "

I love Paul's writings. I seem to really connect with his personality in a lot of ways, oh but that I would connect all the more!

Anyway, I KNOW what he is talking about...the war waging with him is the same in me...right now. I love that he can so be where he is and give thanks to God and praise him. I want that. I really do.

I love that scripture is so great at grounding me. Like Ephesians 6 says, so I can stand. I hadn't gotten in the word today, and I already feel better.

Priceless...

Last night when I was singing to Jackson at bedtime, he told me he wanted to do his bible study with me, as I did mine in the morning...just us. It melted my heart.

This morning...

Creighton is laying next to me in bed, asleep. I am wishing to be still asleep, but not. I hear him walk into the room, and up next to me. I open my eyes to hear,

[in whisper] "Mommy, lets go do our bible study to-geder"

Oh...man. I haven't woken up in a better mood in a long time. And we did just that.

Happy Momma.

Great Expectations?!

Last night Jeff and I went on our date and it was great. There is this little place (new) in town called Frank and Lola's. It is such good food. We have been 3 times now and every time we love it. Jeff says its in the top 3 places ever for his steaks he loves. That is saying something. The prices are decent, but on the expensive end for our little town. The wait can be long though. Last night we got there and they said 20 minutes and 55 minutes later we were seated. I get kinda grouchy when that happens...am I spoiled or what? The funny thing is with me is that if they would have just SAID a hour, I would have been delighted to have only waited 55 minutes. It's all about expectations. I do the same thing to Jeff. When he says he'll be home at one time and then doesn't get home till minutes or hours later, I get really frustrated, but just like with the table/waiting, if I had been told the time originally I wouldn't have been upset at all. Am I weird or is everyone like that?

We had a great date. Great food. Great conversation. Great company.

Afterwards we came home and he told me the movie I had been waiting for came in the mail. I was so excited, so we watched it, well, rather I watched it. The Secret Life of Bees, which I read earlier this month. I have been waiting for the movie ever since. The movie, which I have been told NEVER hold up the credibility of the book, did just that. It was a good movie, but the book was great. However, I did like the way they ended the movie better than the book...so it was a good balance for me :) ever the fantasy, all-is-well-that-ends-well kinda person.

I guess it's another good thing about being a believer...

Sentimental Time.

This week hasn't been as busy as the previous two, but still I feel just swamped with things. Here we are ending February and I feel as if I should re-evaluate and grade myself again on my goals for the year. Are years long to anyone else, or is it just me!? :)

Anyway, life is good here. I got some sweet time with Jeff today, just the two of us for several hours and that was so good for my soul and our relationship. We also have a date night planned tomorrow night for a few hours with the kids at Parents Night Out. (PS, if you live in bartlesville its open to everyone, and there is no where I'd rather leave my kids, with exception of my own family).

Stacie is home and not really doing very well, but still is with us. There are lots of people volunteering to do great things for her both monetarily and most importantly with their time and hearts. It's really uplifting to see the good in people, in our community, coming together and wrapping this family in love...all kinds of love. And I love it. I don't know how much longer God has her here, and goodness knows she is ready to go Home, but her life, both in struggle and worldly "defeat" have NOT been in vain. Within her, there is a fighter, even when she doesn't want to be. I can't imagine the things she thinks of and wonders and fears... She is strong.

Jeff is seeing Braveheart on the big screen tonight and so fired up about it! I am happy for him because he loves it so much. On our wedding day, one of the ministers, Will Cunningham, called him Braveheart... :) He wore his kilt even... WOW. I love this man for everything...but especially for all the things he is I will never be. This is one of them.

I feel very blessed, even though I also feel stressed at times. God is good and He is doing mighty works here. Right now. I love it.

My kids...I love them. I love them I love them. They drive me bonkers at times, but man...they are just good and I am so proud and honored to be their mommy.

Tonight in the tub, Jackson let me know that he knows almost all the major colors in Spanish. I knew they worked on them, but this kid is quite smart. He is paying attention, even when it doesn't look like it. He catches everything. And I love this boy more than the world itself. Even when he changes costumes 154 times in 5 minutes. He loves them all so much he can't decide which one he wants to be more. I laugh. A lot. At him and with him. He's good for my health.

My little Miss Princess is everything I am and everything I am not...all at the same time. She prances and very dramatically dances and spins around this house in dresses, necklaces, purses, tiaras, and heels one minute and the next is "bumper" naked and sitting reading on the couch. She is like two people in one body and no one EVER knows who will come out/go in and at what time or place. She is a wild card. Whew. She's crazy...awesome. And I love her.

Sentimental time is over...now.

Weekend Madness

This weekend:

1) Stacie made it home and actually is doing better than expected (last I heard). Praise the Lord!

2) I held two newborns this weekend. Well, I held my friend's 8 pound 2 ounce, 24 hour old, Koby, and then I held my other friend's, Tammy, little TINY 5 pound, 10 week old. Ethan! He was literally like half the size of Koby! It was unbelievable. It almost made me want another one holding the two of them in the same day...but I don't. I decided it was really great to snuggle them and kiss them and then walk out the door :)

3) I had some sweet by myself (to myself) time early Saturday through around 3 on Saturday. Then I had a fantastic time with 5 of my girlfriends as we bombarded my parents house (that they very sweetly evacuated for the weekend). We ate, laughed, giggled, cried, played wii, played games, talked, and talked and talked and talked some more. I stayed up till at least 3 and some of them longer. It was so good. I LOVE fellowship, I love friends.

4) I am now oh so very tired though. Good night

Pray for Stacie

She is coming home this afternoon. She should arrive at the Bartlesville Airport. The doctors have warned Luke that she might not make the flight home. So, we can all pray for that to happen. Stacie is not making a lot of sense when she talks, but they were able to remove lots of toxic fluid from her body, so hopefully she'll be able to rest comfortably in her home soon.

Then, there are many things that are needed financially for the family. One simply being groceries. If you would want to donate any amount of money towards this family, please contact me and I will get you set up with the right people. Or there is a need for meals, if you would be willing to make a meal for them (specifically this weekend).

Sparkling White!

Tonight I was given the awesome opportunity to speak at a new ministry called Loving Roots. It is designed to love and support, come alongside, provide care for, and educate young soon-to-be-mothers, most unwed. It is awesome.

They asked me to speak on Purity. That is a tough task for sure. She specifically wanted it to be on Sexual Purity...and even tougher task. I was so nervous. I was scared. I was slightly unprepared (only really my fault). However, God was calming. He filled the room with His word and hopefully their hearts. Tonight I was just a vessel. And that was such a good place to be.

I had this idea (because I am visual) to have some sort of physical picture of what it would be like to start out pure, have sin all over, and then become pure again. Since this is where we all are in life...in need of constant redemption, forgiveness and grace.

My first idea and trial run failed miserably. I tried water, food coloring, and bleach. Then, Jeff and I went to Walmart to figure out how we could make it better. And we did! (or rather, I'll let God have the credit).

We got a white t-shirt. A red marker. And some Oxy-clean. (that stuff is awesome)

During the talk I spoke of God's original plan of purity and how we were made in his image and I brought out the shirt. I told them that our ultimate goal is to stand before Christ in his coming confident and unashamed (pure). The hard part was in the middle...the life part.

Insert: sin, fall of man, us (and the red pen)

I asked them to list off things that the world throws at us that cause us to be impure. They did a really great job of this. Our shirt was filled with red words all over it...from top to bottom.

Insert: God, forgiveness (and the oxyclean)

We went on to talk of how we can set boundaries for ourselves in all areas of life (not just sexual) from things we hear, see, touch, consume, etc.

Then I took the shirt from the water and wrung it out. SPARKLING WHITE.

Isaiah 1:18 Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

I got more out of preparing for the talk than I had planned. God had a message for me in it all. I wanted to share because I was so grateful, and because well...God is just good. And I wanted to share that.

Coming Home!

It's truly the hand of God in the miracle of Stacie being flown home tomorrow. She has recovered from surgery and is in a trasportable state/stable enough to come home. Praise be to the Lord! Her days are still numbered, but at least she will be home and be able to be loved on and cared for there with her girls!

Thanks for praying!

Update on Urgent

Update on Stacie

An aunt took a loan out in order to pay for Stacie's eldest daughter (8) and the grandmother to fly out to Orlando for 36 hours to visit/say goodbye. They left Neala (1) at home with other friends and family. They are transporting Stacie today to another hospital in Orlando to have another 5 hour operation done on her kidneys to try and get all of the toxic fluids out of her system. Luke is spending time with Zoe today, so that is a blessing for her, and probably a much needed break from the hospital for both of them.

Our prayers need to be for her to survive the surgery and that they are successful in removing all of the toxins from her body. Hopefully if they are able to get her to a stabilized place, then we have made contact with an amazing organization called Angel Flights to hopefully get her home to be with her girls until the Lord takes her home to be with Him. This has been so aggressive! It's just so sad. She is only 28 years old! I just can't fathom all of it. The worry, the pain, the amazing financial stress!

Just please pray. And thank you for those of you who responded to the previous post...

URGENT Prayer Request/Need

There is a family (Gudenkauf's) in our town who are in desperate need of everyone hitting their knees for them! Please pray for Stacie, Luke and their two young daughters in this time of craziness for all of them.

Stacie was diagnosed with a terminal and very fast form of cancer and was given a few months to live. Someone was very sweet and sent them to Disney (all 4 of them) for a last family vacation (maybe a first, too). While they were there, Stacie became VERY ill and was hospitalized. During this time they took her colon and she is in a toxic state and critical. It is only a matter of time. But while Luke and Stacie are in the hospital in Florida, their girls were sent back to Bartlesville to be with a grandmother. Her days are numbered and she is sick with worry she will not be able to say goodbye to her babies!

Their medical insurance will not pay for them to be air flighted home. They need someone to provide this service to them with a private plane. They cannot afford what bills have already accrued for them in the past year. They must have a medical staff person aboard the flight as well as Stacie and Luke... and they need this soon.

If you know of ANYone who might be able to help them out either financially or with a plane, please contact me at bergcourtney [at] yahoo [dot] com

Thank you for praying, it is the very least we can do. They need a miracle.

A Valentine's Well Spent!

Happy Belated Love Day...

Jeff brought home some of the flowers from the Father Daughter Banquet and put them in a vase for me :) We don't celebrate (or make a big deal out of) Valentine's Day really, but he's pretty sweet...and they're free...gotta love that!

The kids gave us a nice "present" by sleeping in late! Woohoo! I had to wake her up! BTW isn't she precious when she's sleeping?

So I made Jeff a heart shaped pizza (from scratch) with all his favorite ingredients on it! And of course the beloved Dr. Pepper and crushed ice! :)

One of our favorite Valentine's Day past times is to go to Hallmark and pick out 2 cards for each other, one sappy, one funny. When both of us are finished finding them, we meet up in the middle of the store and read them! We laugh and hug and kiss and then put the cards back and walk out...without spending a dime! for a card(s) that will most likely get tossed at some point However, with the week we had that didn't happen this year...oh well. No sweat here. There's always next year! :)

I am thankful that my hubby dotes on me and loves me very well usually 365 days a year! I am glad he doesn't need a Hallmark holiday to tell him to do so. I feel very blessed! And we are a lot richer for it...both financially and emotionally!

* And I forgot to put in here the first publish that I curled Creighton's hair and she loved it, but I think she doesn't even look like the same person! :)

**Don't forget to check out what the kids did during the day in the post below!**

For my good friend Sarah! ;)

I wanted to post this on Valentine's Day, but who's counting?! This is for my friend Sarah who had Beyonce's Single Ladies on her website for the "occasion." The chorus lyrics, at least the ones that I 'know' are as follows...
Cuz if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on itIf you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it ...Cuz if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on itOh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Apparently I went to Sarah's blog and left it on too often and this is what happens...

DISCLAIMERS:

1.excuse the messy house.

2. I don't love the lyrics that I JUST read on the website...but oh well...had to share anyway...

3. and yes, he still sings it around the house...I'm thinking that's not a good thing

Spent. Spending.

It's funny. The last three days my "day" part of the day has been amazing. I have been spending lots of time with my kids and loving it. I spent some time reading (okay a LOT of time reading. I finished the book "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd that I started briefly at the Women's Retreat. I finished it this morning.) I LOVED the weather on Tuesday morning/afternoon, not so much the evening tornado...but hey, who's saying anything about the evenings yet. I took my kids to the zoo today and although it was completely gross outside and freezing, we had a blast..and were the ONLY ones crazy enough to be there except for one other lone little family, who were not English speaking.

And yet, my evening, all of the past three have just been nuts. I think I am spending so much more of my emotional and physical energy with the kids than I have in the past that after about 4, I am just spent. It's awful to think of it that way. I am just exhausted though. I know I haven't been going to bed a decent hour though too, so partly it is that, but wow. I mean...from tornado/storm weather to stress galore with youth/church stuff to wild banshee children (it's like after 4 they feel the same way I do :)) I am just beside myself with how I am going to handle it each and every day. I am wiped out. Spent.

It's good though. I guess. This morning I couldn't take my eyes off my daughter. Seriously. It was crazy. I have always thought she was beautiful, but in a motherly bias sorta way. Today, there was no doubt on earth that she was beaming the Savior's image, her beauty was stunning me to silence and pure awe. I think it's because I have been spending more time with her, knowing her, loving her. I just was soaking it all in. She's gorgeous. She is becoming her own. She is growing up before my very eyes. And I love her. And I know she is gorgeous.

I just hope that we can train her up right. For the time being, I feel as if we've failed her in a lot of ways. She can be downright mean for no reason and sassy and as hardheaded as they could possibly come. She will be a leader one day, no doubt. I just want her to lead the right way, to the right thing. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little scared at this point. It is the hardest thing in the world to get her to do anything that isn't on her time, her thought, her schedule. I am so out of ideas with her. Thank goodness I am not in control. But at the same time I know I do have the responsibility of training her up and guiding her in a direction we feel is right. I MUST get on my knees more often for her. It'll take a miracle! :) But dang, watch out...either way...she's a furious storm, a tornado in her own, a NATURAL disaster WONDER. And she's temporarily mine...:)

Taxes...

I spent the whole day working on our taxes for 2008. I feel so much better because they are done. Almost completely. I just have to mail the state ones in and wait for our refunds. I forgot briefly that we really rely on our refund to make it to birthdays and Christmas. It it always funny how I feel like we get more back than we could possibly pay in taxes. I think it is just a small blessing from God actually! And that delights my heart. Thank you Lord (and Uncle Sam).

And not at all that I get anything from this, but I highly recommend using TaxCut as it is SO easy. I used to use Turbo Tax but Tax Cut is cheaper, easier, user-friendly, and if anything were to go wrong you get free audit help! You have a few months to do them, but I like getting them done and out of the way.

Whew...one down.

(and my kids were at school and jeff was at work, so I neglected no one but myself...I should really shower at some point)

Erin!

My friend Erin came up for her birthday back in the middle of January! It was such a good visit but I just haven't used the camera much since then, or posted pics, so they were all on the camera still. I have been meaning to post about her trip and how much I love her, but time got away from me... Anyway I have lots of pics from January to post soon. But here are a few from her weekend with us! Funny thing was we were dressed up the entire weekend except these pics and I didn't take ANY others. I have some video of the kids dancing around like crazy people while Erin was here. But that's all... Wish we would have taken a "nice" one.

And for those of you who don't know Erin, yes, she is tall. We played volleyball at TU together, and BTW, E, I want my sweatshirt back ;P

Erin, we love you and loved it and felt honored you chose to spend your birthday with us! I wouldn't mind if we made it a ritual--but you might have more entertaining ways to spend your birthday :)

A Ladies Retreat Worth Mentioning

I spent the weekend in the middle of nowhere, OK with a bunch (25 to be specific) women from Grace. I was so hesitant to go because I just don't LOVE doing things like that. It gets me quite far from my comfort zone in every sense of the word. Where it all together was different than what I expected, it was good. I sincerely LOVE LOVE LOVE fellowship with "more birthday-ed" women of faith. I just do. I loved Apples of Gold for the very same reasons. There just is something that cannot be replicated Dalene, is that word?.

Anyway, I am way behind in a million things of life at the moment...but not ironically our weekend was spent with John Ortberg teaching about temporary versus eternal. I must say I learned a lot and put it into practice when I got home. I "needed" to do so many things, but I didn't do any of them...except that which matters. I spent time with my children and my husband and loved every minute of it. Well at least until Jeff left me alone with them and they were holy terrors at bed time. Up until that time they were amazing and I could tell were responding in every way positive to how much of my time and attention they were getting. It was awesome.

So, thank you John Ortberg and all the sweet and awesome ladies that put together this little retreat/seminar and made me attend. It was good for my soul and I am just beginning on the journey of how much I actually learned by putting it into action.

I am WAY excited to eat my own food, sleep in my own bed, with only my husband in the room, and not have to be anywhere at 8am though :)

Seriously...

I so INJURED myself. Real bad!

I swear I am bleeding internally, but maybe it just feels that way. However, if I happen to not wake up tomorrow, this is why.

My muscles are so fatigued from this Boot Camp that I am pushing myself overboard in because I am way too competitive that today when I went to play volleyball FOR FUN I completely and totally KILLED myself my stomach muscle. I believe I tore it, but if it isn't torn it is COMPLETELY the worst strain/sprain I have EVER in all my life had.

I am in dire pain and all I can do is ice, rest and take advil.

One hit. ONE. I am out for a long time I would think, if today's pain level is ANY indication to the severity of the muscle tear/sprain/strain.

Does anyone know HOW MUCH you use your abs. I can't do anything without it screaming at me. It's terrible. I like being active. Now breathing is requiring effort and pain.

The One.

Well, when I wrote my last post, I wasn't doing so well. I can say that I am doing much better now. It's not because I have all the answers. But I do have One. The only One that matters. He is in control and He knows what He is doing. I have faith in that and that is what gets me to a place where I can trust and hope, even in the unknown. Even when it hurts, even when it hurts more than I thought I could handle. I haven't cried so hard in a very long time...I think the build up was getting too much. It was a good time for my soul, although hard. It was a good time to bond with my husband, although I think he might think otherwise, or atleast hopes for other bonding opportunities in different ways :)

God was good to me, even when I was very angry at Him. He was gentle with me, and He was peace-giving, comforting, loving, and so faithful, when I was so not. We serve a mighty God. In the good I will praise Him, and in the bad, I will praise Him.

A Million Questions...

My heart is heavily burdened. I can't remember the last time I cried myself to sleep, but last night was a first of many for me. I can't really bare to go into all the details, nor do I think I should on my blog. But I would ask for prayer. Prayer for me as I wrestle with God. Prayer for a sweet family as they walk a road no parent, no sibling should (and one I know some of you have walked already before them). My heart is just hurting. My soul is just not okay. My mind...well that is where it starts to get ugly and I need the most prayer.

The questions are coming in my the millions and I have no answers. Not one.

Homemade Goodness

Well I have been telling everyone I see that I made homemade marshmallows over the snow days because they are THAT GOOD! I found the recipe from OwlHaven and I will definitely be making them again as soon as I get to the store. I just happened to have all the ingredients on hand when I saw the recipe and decided it was worth the try...why not? I was trapped in our house with hubby and two wild children...sugar always make that better :)

So, without further adieu, here is the recipe:

Homemade Marshmallows

Makes: 40-50 (although mine made 60)

3 packets (about 3 tablespoons) unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 -1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup water
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
powdered sugar, for dusting

Directions:Combine gelatin and 1/2 cup cold water in a medium sized heat-proof bowl. Let it sit for 20 minutes. Combine granulated sugar, corn syrup, salt, and 1/3 cup of water in a small heavy saucepan. Stir over low heat until sugar has dissolved. Turn stove to high and heat until mixture comes to a very brisk boil, stirring occasionally. Let boil for about 2 minutes. If you have a candy thermometer, the temperature should reach about 240 degrees.

Take pan off heat and very carefully pour contents into the bowl containing gelatin. Add vanilla extract. Set timer for 10 minutes. Using an electric mixer, beat mixture on high speed for at least 10 minutes. When the mixture becomes very thick and white and has at least doubled in size, it is done.

Using a rubber spatula, scoop mixture into a 9×12 casserole dish that has been generously dusted with powdered sugar. Let marshmallows sit at room temperature, uncovered, for at least 4 hours, or overnight. Don’t panic if they look incredibly sticky at first. They will thicken up as they cool. Cut into squares. They’ll still feel quite sticky as you cut them, but cut them as cleanly as possible with a wet knife. Then dust cut edges with additional powdered sugar, and they will feel like ‘real’ marshmallows.

Note: For marshmallows with different colors and flavors, add a small amount of unsweetened kool-aid powder to the mixture on the stove as you are heating it. OR, I just put food coloring in as it was boiling and it worked...however when you mix it the color becomes very faded (light) because the mixture is turning SNOW WHITE, so my bright blue marshmallows turned very pale blue *but still fun!

I would show you a picture but I, um...ate them all! :) before I got the camera to them. I love them love them love them! It was way worth the 5 hour wait to eat them. Jackson LOVES them about as much as I do and Creighton doesn't care for them (she and Jeff don't particularly like marshmallows to begin with)...they seriously don't know what they are missing!

Too Cold

I am such a wimp. This cold stuff is just...brrrr. I am too cold. I about cracked my tail bone at least 10 times today on the sidewalks and parking lots. Then it took me 3 full minutes to get my car in the garage because it wouldn't keep from sliding right back down the driveway. The kids' school closed early, and I was already stressing about getting everything done in the amount of time they were occupied today...so, yeah, I am no where near completing my things to do today...and I am cold. :(

Family Fun

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Report Card time...

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since I last posted. I knew I'd be busy, but really?! What on earth? I haven't been on the computer NEARLY as much I used to be. Life is just a little wild right now, but it's good.

We are in the constant 'train[ing] up' of our children and at this specific moment in time, I am at a love/hate relationship with the process. Jackson has been wildly out of control...I so wish I could have written 'mildly' but that isn't the case. So, life has been hard on him. He has this point. It seems he gets there SO incredibly fast too. And once he gets there, it's just a nightmare. I hate every minute of it. And, truth be told, I have NO CLUE what on earth I am suppose to do. There seems to be nothing. NOTHING effects his behavior once he gets past that point. He's done with. I am done with him. And yet, because I love him, I can't quit on him, although EVERYTHING within me wants to. It's hard people. He is the sweetest thing on earth, and then the very thing I want to hurl across the room. His tiny little 39 pound body contains them both! How, I do not know.

I went back and checked my January 1st post because I knew I had written my goals down for the year. I am so glad that I did write them down...because a few of them I had already forgotten about and here it is STILL JANUARY. My brain is in malfunction mode.

Anyway, I am excited to say that I have been a little better about spending more intentional time with both my children and my husband, but not nearly as I had planned. I just get lazy and very selfish and choose other things besides them sometimes. So, I would give myself a C+ on the kids and a C- with my hubby (so backwards I know).

With my spending time in the word (and liking it) I, by the grace of God alone, would have to say that it's been done. I am LOVING the One Year Bible Blog and I HIGHLY recommend you at least trying it out, even if you just start from today, if you don't have another thing that is working for you! I am craving Genesis right now! I love it I love it I love it! A

My discipleship time with Bethani is going very well. I was quite worried about how it would all pan out because honestly, who the heck am I? I don't know the first thing about it because no one ever did it for me...but I am going forward with it and loving my time with her and learning a lot myself. We've met twice now and have 4 more weeks planned out. We are going through 1 John together and wow, I recommend some steel-toed shoes and some gloves, you're gonna get dirty! A

My small group is one of my priorities for the next 4 months (they are seniors). It, finally, seems to be going well. We are doing the truth project along with a new journal method Jeff gave me and they and I both love it! So exciting. So challenging. So amazing. LOVE IT. B+

My eating? Well that would be one I had forgotten that I actually put on there :) And, well...I would probably give myself a D on that one. I am such a stress eater. Bad thing. Bad thing. Especially while parenting two toddler/preschoolers who might very well make James Dobson cry. *My mom claims the same was true for me when I was little :) Grrrrreat!

My working out? Hmmm...well. My desire is there. I even get out of the house to do it. Then I get the Y, drop the kids at the childcare and all I want to do is relax with some peace and quiet. So I have been reading :) But I have worked out 3-5 times...that is so lame. C

And last but not least...the grand goal of seeing the positive. Well, lets see. I forgot I put that there till I reread it yesterday...and then again today, just now, I had to go back to see which one I was missing. That is certainly not my strongest character quality, or one at all. It certainly doesn't come naturally to me. I think it is so funny that I wrote that. It must have been either a really good day or a really really bad one. Either way, I need to remember that. I need to see the positive in things...I think sometimes that might require me closing my eyes. :) Is that fair? haha. Rating: F

I hate failing. If this were my report card in school I'd be grounded (my own doing) for a long long time. So glad God grades with grace. I need a whole lot of that in my life right now.

Glad to be back...I've missed you guys.

If Mama Ain't Happy...

Last week was nuts. I was so sick Tuesday and Wednesday and then kinda okay Thursday and then sick again Friday and Saturday and Sunday I was okay. Thankfully today I am doing alright, but I don't know what was wrong with me. I hate being sick. It's awful for everyone!

I guess that saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" rings all too true with me :( I don't think that is a good thing.

I have so many things I wanted to post about and right now I can't think of a gosh darn one! But didn't want you to think I fell off the face of the earth, although last week, there were points were I wish I could have done just that.

My small group (almost everyone) went to eat at Shogun's last night! It was fun. Not my best Shogun experience, but I am sure I've never had a bad one. Maybe it was the "cure" for me :) Doubtful, but maybe excited my girls had a "bonding" time...maybe that did the trick.

Excited about this week with lots going on. 3 Private lessons. Bible study is starting up tomorrow. Finished with my work for the entire month of January already. Starting my discipleship meetings this week! My friend Erin is coming in town this weekend, and my friend Tammy is having a baby shower! I have a LONG awaited for date with my husband...it's just all around good! :) Mama's happy people!

One Year Bible--I love it~

I don't know why I haven't posted on it before now, but I am LOVING (at least so far) doing my daily readings with the oneyearbibleblog.com. It has been such a great way to get into the word (in all segments) each day. It's manageable, and then there is LOTS of extra if you want/can/have the time. I just really like it a lot.

Each day there is an Old Testament reading (the longest part), a New Testament reading, a Psalm and a Proverb reading (really short, typically). It doesn't take long and they have been leaving you at "cliff hangers" each day in the stories in OT and NT so it's exciting. I love it when the Bible is new and fresh to me and right now it just is!

On the blog, besides giving you a nifty link to click with all the daily scriptures together on one nice neat page, it has commentary for each section, comments sections, a daily bible verse to memorize (from what you just read), a worship section (365 worship videos :)) and it's all packaged up nice and neat. I like it that way. It even has art work and history and maps and stuff to go along if you like that stuff (which I do sometimes).

So, go visit at least. Maybe try committing to it if you want. I have tried SO many times to read through in a year and haven't ever once come close to making it! I hope that I can do it this year. There are some almost 9 thousand others doing it with me. That helps.

Check it out. www.oneyearbibleblog.com

Feeling better

Slowly but surely I am regaining strength and eating a little bit more. I even went to Nikao tonight although I really didn't want to. But I am glad I did because 6 of my girls were there and excited to be there. I am excited because they want to do a Shogun date this weekend and pretty much that is THE BEST place on earth to eat! And I love it so much. I think it helps make me feel better just thinking of it :)

I slept yesterday from 2:30p until 8:15 this morning (with waking up a few times but all less than an hour at a time). I think the last time I was up was 7 something and so I got a solid 12 hours + I think my body needed rest. Whadda ya think?

I have somewhat kept my chicken noodle soup in me. And then I just ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich, which is not settling quite as well. But oh well.

Off to bed.

Other exiting strategies

I am sick and it's awful. I feel like I have the flu minus vomit but with other exiting strategies and severe abdominal pain. I am miserable and so thankful for my sweet hubby. My head and my back are also in insurmountable amounts of pain. Maybe I am being a baby but I hate being sick. I really hope I get better tomorrow or tonight would not be too soon

What is required of me?

Micah 6:8
"God has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

Sunshine!

Ironic that I posted a snow day picture yesterday and it is like SUMMER (and loving it) outside today. Yeah for sand boxes, trampolines, play houses and all sorts of fun things outdoors...

Mr. Sun you are welcome at my home every day!